Adoption Process

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Posted by emma dilemma (22 days ago)

Vilification?? - victimise?? I do apologise sunniefaith for the sarcasm in my post - it was insensitive and judgemental and I do regret it- but the points remain valid in what is the reality of orphans and adoption.

The question was "am I being to picky" - relating to "why is this taking so long". Given the perspective on how children become orphans I was answering " it is taking so long because the criteria was narrow".

I am along way down the adoption process. We have gone through the process in two countries as an adoptive parent and changed countries and broadened our criteria. We have also said no to a child because she didnt fit. UNfortunately the country we are dealing with throws children at you based on how generous they think you are rather than what you state in your preferences. So I am not saying this with no experience. We will have our daughter before Christmas - although not from Hong Kong.

Sunniefaith - you asked if your criteria was too tight. I was highlighting that orphaned children are always the victims of unfortunate circumstances - that is they cant be raised by their birth mothers in physical and emotional safety. The way birth mothers were referred to as undesireables if they had a history with alcohol, or if they chose to abandoned their child somewhere where they will be found and go into the adoption system just rubbed me up the wrong way. I have so much sympathy for the birth mother - sometimes they feel so ashamed about putting their child up for adoption abandonment is what they see as the only way out. Mum's in China until recently couldnt put their children up for adoption without being criminally charged - hence abandonment was their only option. They often stand in the crowd to ensure that someone picks up their baby.

We had preferences - actually not that different to you Jassy67 - but our criteria still fit 70% of kids who were available for adoption in the country we chose. I just thought ruling out abandonment, alcohol, drug, prostitution - really really does mean that the criteria is very narrow. The question was asked and the facts are clear if you look at the number of orphans who are somehow put up for adoption without any of those factors.

Sorry sunniefaith again for the tone of my first response. I really hope you get matched before your husband goes to Singapore. I have friends who adopted through Cambodia whilst there. FCR, I can see you are angry at my response- but nowhere in my email did I attack the person and lash out emotionally at anyone. Consider the question at hand and perhaps address the issue Sunniefaith is facing with the timeframes that are in place.

We are all facing the same painful processes and personal decisions that affect our families - we also need to be realistic about what adoption is all about - children needing families and our desire to have children in our life.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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