raising biological + adopted

Posted by expat2006 (319 days ago)

Hi,

Could any of you quote your experiences with raising biological and adopted children?

A friend who was the biological child said that her adopted siblings always felt distant and felt that life was unfair to them when instead the parents were generous to the point of flaw.

On the flip side how must a parent bring up adopted children together with biological.

(I am based in Singapore)

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Posted by joga (302 days ago)

My oldest (late teens) is adopted younger ones are biological. It was never an issue for us. Being an adoptee myself I decided early on that good intentioned parents can sometimes make too big an issue of it. My son and I are adoptees but its just a small part of who we are. So you love your children and bring them up the best you can whether they came to you through natural birth, cesarean birth, surrogate, ivf or adoption. I think over thinking it can do more harm than good.

(I am based in Tokyo)

Posted by expat2006 (298 days ago)

Hi Joga,
Thanks a million! Yes, I do agree that making it seem like a big deal does cause more probelms than the good intent that can do its share of good. I guess I am a tiny bit worried if I will be a good parent and if I will be sensitive to the adopted child and their issues. Friends who tell me about such incidents sort of stop me in my tracks and make me question my intentions.

If there is anything you would like to tell me from your experiences being an adoptee yourself, I would welcome that very much. I asked similar advice from other parents before having my biological child. Similarly, I would like to ask you too about your experiences and heed your advice.

Thanks again

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by joga (296 days ago)

If you have any questions don't hestitate to ask. As far my childhood, it was unexceptional in the best way possible. I have 2 older siblings are who biological. They always teased me about being the favourite or the baby but this is often the case with the youngest. I look nothing like the rest of my family but when people mention it comes as jolt because I forget to think about it until someone mentions it. My parents have always and still try to introduce me to every other adoptee on the planet. I know they do this because they love and want to protect me but when I was younger It would sometimes bother me because like I said before it's such a small aspect of me. It's like my hair colour it's not who am it's part of what I am and definitely not what I want to be defined by. As far as the case of the friend you mentioned that may have still been the case even if they were genetic siblings not all siblings have functional relationships.

(I am based in Tokyo)