Helper asking for Sub on Salary ...

Posted by Sapphire (334 days ago)

Our helper has in the past occasionally asked for subs on her salary, and I haven't really minded ... it's usually just been a few hundred dollars that she's wanted, or maybe asked for her salary to be paid a few days early which hasn't been a problem. However, she has just asked me for a sub, and when I asked how much she said she wants the whole month paid now instead of waiting till the end of the month. I know helpers salaries aren't a huge amount, but we're not on a big expat package and have had a lot of expense ourselves over the past couple of months. I'm sure in her eyes she probably thinks we're very rich, but that really isn't the case, and paying her salary again now, when she was only paid 10 days ago, instead of at the end of the month may mean we are left short. The reason she gave ... her nephew is in hospital and she needs the money to help pay the bills. I really like my helper, but I don't want to be taken advantage of, and because I've given her subs in the past, I don't want her thinking she can come asking for money whenever she likes. Part of me feels really guilty that I told her I would have to check with my husband first and I did tell her we have had lots of expense lately so I would have to see what he says. He's not such a soft touch though and is likely to say no, which will make me dread having to tell her. I keep thinking what if it's the truth and she's her family's only chance of money ... but, then you really do here so many stories, what do you believe? How do I say no? Or should I say yes?

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Posted by silopanna (334 days ago)

If she is from the Phillipines, the hospitals there require you to pay before receiving the treatment, no exceptions. If her nephew is really in the hospital, then she may be getting desperate calls for money. It really comes down to trust, and it sounds like you may have a few doubts about her story. More importantly, your relationship with your husband should come first. It would probably cause a lot of tension if you were short on cash and it was because you lent her money. It is a really unfortunate situation, but maybe you could compromise. If it turns out her nephew really is in the hospital, maybe you could lend her what you can afford. The rest she could borrow from friends. Several times my helper has lent/given friends money when a relative was in the hospital. If there is a big enough group at church and they all contribute it can raise the money quickly.

Posted by cara (333 days ago)

perhaps you could offer her 1/2 of her salary or something like that...

Posted by GreenValleys (333 days ago)

Or tell her you have a policy of advancing salary only to the extent that it has already been earned. For example, if she has worked a half month then you will advance 50% of the month's salary. It can be the thin edge of the wedge, though, and although the stories are always good you simply cannot be expected to fund every need in your helper's wider (and very much so in some cases) family. The relatives (and others) back in PH know that she has a much better chance of raising funds in HK than they have back home and their demands on her (she will never be repaid but she herself will be expected to repay what she borrows) can be quite unreasonable at times. If you do lend her the funds then be prepared not to get the amount back, because there will always be another good reason why further funds are required. I know you are talkin g about a salary advance rather than a loan as such, but I think you need to work out your rules and tell her them clearly. And then stick by them. The down side is that if she cannot get the funds from you she will try other friends in HK, and then the loan companies who can be fairly aggressive when it comes to enforcing repayment. Another thing to consider is that of interest. In our time in HK (it recently came to an end) people (usually at the church) would often ask for loans on the basis that to borrow from elsewhere they would have to pay interest. They found it very hard to accept that there was an interest cost to us in lending them the money in the first place, but it was seen as outrageous for us to talk about interest. There's a general lack of money sense among the FDH communities that my husband tried to influence by running budgeting & money-management courses, but we still left HK with a total write-off of in excess of $50,000. Sorry, that's a bit of a ramble, but the point I started out trying to make is that unless you have some clear rules you could be indanger of being swamped - and then at some point your helper might decide that simply disappearing is a better option than repaying her debt. This is a generalisation and I'm sure not all helpers can be tarred with the same brush. Good luck.

Posted by Sapphire (333 days ago)

Thanks for the replies. My main concern is that if I give her all of the salary now instead of at the end of the month, and she then sends it to her family, what is she going to live on ... she wouldn't be due anymore salary until the end of November and that's a long time to go without any money. Am I then going to be in the situation again where she is asking me for more money before she's earned it? It's a bit of a vicious circle. I hate being put in this situation. I'm beginning to wish I hadn't got a helper, as much as I value her work, I really can do without this.

Posted by Saikunga (333 days ago)

I think Greenvalleys suggestion is a good one - only forward as much as she has already earnt in the month - this is fair to you and her.

Yes helpers can be great and sound fabulous in concept - but they are people with problems too and you take on board what she brings with her...the helpers rooms are not big enough sometimes for all the baggage!

Posted by Sapphire (332 days ago)

Thanks for everyone's advice ... seems that hubby is a bit of a soft touch afterall ... he said as long as she wasn't asking for any more than her monthly salary to be paid before the end of the month, then that was ok, but if she ever asks for a loan the answer will be no. She was very, very grateful when I said she could have it early, so hopefully we made the right decision and she will won't take advantage of the fact that we are decent people.