DH wants to get married

Posted by neversaynever (277 days ago)

My DH has worked for me for around half a year and just told me she has to go home for xmas for her own wedding.

She is going to take around 3 wks off!!

She's around 31, the husband is 48 if i didn't remember wrong. She's mentioned that she wants to start a family.

To be honest i don't know how to react to this 'having a family thing'. I've got a dog that's why i hired a maid. Now she's gonna be 3 wks off when im also taking holiday off for xmas. I've got to leave my dog to the pet shop - this is what i hated before i wanted to hire a maid. Can't believe that i have to do the same this yr!

Let alone this pet shop stuff. She's going to hav a family does it mean that she's gonna come back and start to get preggy?? I m sorry u may call me selfish but i don't want to see her getting morning sickness and all in my flat? She would have problem taking care of my dog and cleaning the window or car for me.

It's different if she's been working for me for more than 2 yrs or so. She's still so new i don't know if i would really like that having her preggy in my flat. I may hve to take care of her and my dog together - im a business woman myself i always have to fly.

Plus i have to pay for all the medicines and all the stuff for her.

What's ur thought? Anyone has experience that? I feel alittle heartless to terminate her after she comes back from wedding...but i don't know what to do.

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Posted by aemom (277 days ago)

If your contract is the same as mine with my DH, then it says one week's holiday after one year of service. Why does your DH think that she can take 3 weeks after only 6 months' work? Is it something you agreed upon at the signing of the contract? If not, (this will also sound heartless to some people) then tell her to arrange her wedding at another time.

To put it in perspective: can anyone take 3 weeks off (to get married or for any other reason) in the middle of a work term without previous permission and agreement of their employer? I'm a teacher and I could NEVER do that!

You hired her to look after your dog because you didn't want to put it in a pet shop. Tell her if she cannot accept the terms of her employment with you, she is welcome to find employment elsewhere - and then find yourself another DH.

Posted by neversaynever (277 days ago)

HI Aemom - thanks for your reply.

Im sure my contract is same as yours and i didn't agree anything like this before.

In fact she just told me in Nov that "im going to get married and it's going to be in x'mas time" I didn't even know that she was going to take any holiday thought i just needed to give her the x'mas public holiday and she would get married off. But then just really recently i said "Can u pls tell me in fact how many days you are going for?" Then she told me from 8th Dec to 6th Jan! Me and my bf was totally in shocked and i told her this is not possible coz i've already got plan to fly somwhere on a business trip. She now said ok she will go on 15th. I even buy her ticket for her wedding present so that she can delay to go.

Today she just asked me if it's possible to give her the Jan salary earlier coz she has no money when she goes back to the philipines. I was not too happy i said i can pay you for 1st - 14th Dec but not anything in advance. She said then ok.

She's a nice girl. But this is happening.

I just thought maybe it's wrong to tell her not to get married as this is a little strange. But i don't know. If i keep her here in HK she may get totally pissed off and don't know what she would do...If i terminate her how much i have to pay her?

Posted by IslandHopper (277 days ago)

"To be honest i don't know how to react to this 'having a family thing'. I've got a dog that's why i hired a maid."

I don't know if you are for real, but I really think that it's better for both of you that you don't work together anymore. In fact your attitude "she's a nice girl" when addressing a 31 year old lady stresses that "this is a little strange".

It indeed is.

Posted by neversaynever (277 days ago)

I/hopper - why you think im not for real? U think i made this up??

Posted by Ed (277 days ago)

A couple of suggestions and comments...

When hiring a maid I think people have to understand that a maid is an employee. They have rights just like any other employee. Hindsight is 20 20 however when hiring female employees there is the chance they will want to have kids... so if this is a major concern perhaps its better to hire an employee who already has a family... You cant blame the employee for wanting kids - if anything its the employers fault for overlooking this possibility when hiring.

Having a full time maid - just like having any employee - is not hassle free. My suggestion is that people also consider the alternatives of hiring legal part time helpers... it might cost a bit more per hour however you are not locked into a long term contract.... http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/helpers/parttime.asp

Posted by IslandHopper (277 days ago)

neversaynever : I'm afraid that you did not make it up...

The fact that you have a dog doesn't have anything to do with your employee's marriage or other decision regarding her relationships.

On the other hand, there's a contract and you don't HAVE to give any more holidays than she's entitled to, according the contract.

All the other leaves, paid or unpaid, are up to your agreement with the employee.

For example our company provides its employees with 3 days paid wedding leave within 30 days of the wedding.

About her getting pregnant -- not your business. As Ed stated, those things you have take in consideration when you think whether or not to employ a live-in helper. After that you have to follow laws and regulations regarding that matter.

Posted by kieefer (277 days ago)

There are two scenarios.

1. Let the helper go - It's very likely that she'll get pregnant because she never discussed with you before or right after she was hired that she plans to have a wedding in a few months. So the chances of giving you more "surprises" are very high. And it seems that she never discuss with you whether she should take 10 days/2 weeks off iso 3 weeks. She just wants to have it her way. Besides, it's far easier to terminate the contract now than when she's pregnant. It's just too risky.

2. Keep the helper - If you feel you really can trust the helper, you should tell her that you do not want anymore "surprises" and that she should promise not to get pregnant, take anymore holidays within this contract period.

The bottom line - it's too risky to keep the helper considering the fact that she neglected to inform you such important issue before signing the contract. She simply takes it for granted that you'll comply. More could be on the way.

Posted by evildeeds (277 days ago)

Again a reply not based on realism. You can't make a helper "promise" not to get pregnant in the same way as I cannot tell any of my female staff they cannot get pregnant. As Ed mentioned above they are employees and should be treated as such. Forget all this in my house stuff, they are employees plain and simple.

Unfortunately many people are not actually good employers and have no idea how the relationship should work. As with all employees you set the ground rules when they join. If you do not then you cannot actually blame the employees when this are not right.

Posted by IslandHopper (277 days ago)

evildeeds: you're right and may I add, that you are NOT entirely free to choose those ground rules.

The contract can't be in contradiction to laws and regulations -- otherwise it's void.

Posted by mrsl (277 days ago)

She should, out of courtesy have told you that she was getting married before you employed her, not least for her own reasons as you are not obliged to give her any time off, never mind 3 weeks. Presenting you with a fait accompli at this stage is inconsiderate and short-sighted on her part. I changed jobs a few months before I got married and made ir crystal clear that I needed over 3 weeks off soon after I started. Most employers (in the interests of establishing goodwill and on the assumption that this is a one-off) will give more holiday than they are contractually obliged to give in these circumstances.

On the family front though - she's 31, did it not cross your mind that this might arise? She has no obligation to run this by you. It is inconvenient for every employer when female employees need maternity leave, but speaking personally, I am glad that there are laws preventing blatant discrimination because of this 'issue'. I realise that the situation is different for a small employer/household than a large investment bank or whatever, but although the logistics are inconvenient for you, the situation is not impossible to deal with.

Posted by cd (276 days ago)

She is offically entitled to 1 weeks paid leave after 1 year of service. However you can give her as much leave as you want paid or unpaid.
Its definately wrong that she is telling you she is going rather than asking and coming to an agreement. Why don't you tell her you will give her the leave unpaid, and use the money you save to pay for boarding for your dog.

Posted by BloodDiamond (276 days ago)

It's too bad she did not feel she could ask or tell you sooner and what's worse is that that you are upset about putting a dog in a kennel while a woman get's married, supposedly the biggest day in a woman's life, geez. It is your decision though and you are the employer, so you need to do what's best for you and your dog!

Posted by Sapphire (276 days ago)

Well, like cd has said, she is officially entitled to 1 weeks paid leave after 1 year of service. She has worked for her employer for about 6 months. This means she is not entitled to take the leave at this time. She should have known this herself (she signed the contract) and she should not have presumed that it was ok to arrange a wedding and to be away from work for 3 weeks without being entitled to take the time off, and without prior arrangement with her employer.

Employers take on domestic helpers for many different reasons ... some may have young children ... some may be single and work very long hours ... and some may have a dog which they do not wish to put into kennels when they go on holiday. Whatever the reasons may be, I'm sure they are all as equally important to the employer, and that being the case, any employee, regardless of profession, should not automatically expect to take 3 weeks off work at short notice ... and certainly not when they are not entitled to it. Anyone with an ounce of common sense, wanting to arrange a wedding, and knowingly not be entitled to any leave at that time, would discuss it with their employer beforehand ... or arrange it at a time when they are entitled to the leave ... after 1 year of employment. If the wedding was arranged prior to her taking on the employment, then she should have made the employer aware of this at the time and maybe the employer would have chosen another helper who would not have to inconvenience her a few months into the contract.

Posted by GreenValleys (276 days ago)

I wouldn't mind betting the when the contract was signed in around June 2006 she had NO idea she would be getting married in December 2007. Some of the Filipinas I know organise their weddings with such little notice it surprises me that the events ever actually happen - but they do.

Posted by cara (275 days ago)

from what i gather the helper signed the contract in june 207, not 2006....and if her hubby is alreaady 48, i'm not surprised that she wants to start a family...

wish you the best of luck in figuring out a solution to this!

Posted by neversaynever (274 days ago)

That's right. Contract was signed in June 2007, not 06.

She's always sweet sweet sweet but i still feel like im being cheated. She didn't say "im sorry i know this is a short notice..." but instead she said "I need to take days off for my wedding..."

Plus the money in advance thing she asked a couple days ago..I just feel not too happy about it.

Posted by !@#$%^&*() (273 days ago)

Just be frank to her about the days she can take off then...don't be too generous about this

Posted by hkwatcher (273 days ago)

My 2 cents into this conversation is do not lend her any extra money. Her extra days will be unpaid days according to the contract. If you gave her the ticket already that is enough and already under the law in terms of you contract, you have to give them a one way ticket home at the end of a contract anyway.
I hope she is being completely honest with you and will come back at the time agreed. I would also suggest that she take a home pregnancy test before she comes back to HK because if she gets PG whilst on her honeymoon and comes back to HK PG, then you cannot legally fire her!
You must decide yourself if you are okay with her and a baby.

Posted by evildeeds (273 days ago)

Actually even if she was in Philippines and found out she was pregnant you still can't fire her, doesn't matter where she is in the world if she is under your employment! She has no legal requirement to inform you anyway.

Posted by neversaynever (263 days ago)

Hi all, just wanted to share the experience.

I've tried to fire her few days back before she had to leave for 3 wks. She really didn't want to be fired and she didn't accept the money i was going to give her, so even offered to sign somthing black and white saying that if she's preggy when she's back i would be able to let her go immed by paying her 1 month salary + ticket back home.

I was getting soft hearted then as she told me about her sick mum - surprisingly she said she's not getting married because the boyfriend went back to his ex wife!!

It's so hard to take care of the dog and the flat and everything myself during her hoilday time (already started). I have to be at the office and i can't bring him here coz i've got some job interviews i have to do before i leave for x'mas..

She said to me she will try to come back early on 27th but didn't leave me her phone number for me to contact when she's away. Now i don't even know if she is really gonna come back early or not (she wanted to come back on 7th Jan before)

Im not sure if she's told me the truth or that's loads of lies...That's the problem.

The whole marriage thing just really crazy - few wks ago she's getting married and 2 days ago she said she isn't...only told me after i wanted to fire her.

Im gonna wait til the end of this wk - if she really doesn't get back to me, can i fire her and hire someone else by issuing a letter saying she's leaving for a holiday for 3 wks but not entitled to do so?

My money is waiting for her here and also she didn't sign any termination letter.. What should i do?

Posted by applebubble (261 days ago)

you cant fire her if she's away on a "holiday".. if you do she will be within legal rights to sue you as well... even if she is not entitled to the holiday, you as the employer knows she went... as i understand it, she asked you for it, right? and you had agreed to let her go home? if thats the case you cant fire her while she's there.. best thing to dois wait for her to come back and fire her...

Posted by Starbucks2 (247 days ago)

neversaynever - out of interest, what ended up happening with your helper?