Reference Letter

Posted by good-day (65 days ago)

Hi all again,

need another advise what to do.
As mentioned in previous thread we had to terminate our helper of nearly 5 years due to lying, stealing some small things - basically not trusting her anymore.
The day she left was still very sad, especially for me as I have two small kids and thought they will miss her tons (its not true though-surprisingly..) - anyway - I had a deal with her that I wont notify the immigration about her dishonesty so that she could find another job..
I was too weak and way too emotional that day so the reference letter doesn't mention any of her 'failures' and only speaks good about her.
Now having a new helper I truly think she was great but in the same time, hiring one was extremely difficult as I kept thinking there might me more people like me, who didn't mention such bad things.
Ok, so far so good. Yesterday I have received an email from her asking me to sign the reference letter (in that time I had only emailed her the letter). I kind of think I shouldnt sign that or at least change the context a bit as I also would like to be warned but in the same time I am getting weak again.
I will probably never meet this woman again, but still, what should I do? Should I be honest and re-write the letter, sign it and fax it to her or should I just sign the 'original' and just hope she had learnt her lesson.. I dont know.
Hope you understand what I am struggling with... :-)
Thanks

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Posted by Sarah99 (65 days ago)

For me personally I would try to put myself in the shoes of the person who is reading the reference letter that you are giving her and then see how you feel about the letter already written. This will help you define what you want to do - onlty you can make the decision on this, but as an employer of a DH you have an insight on what you wish you could or "should" be informed of when making a choice on who to employ.

Not knowing the content of what you have written exactly it makes it a little difficult - you could also add your tel # and say please feel free to contact me - that way you can then decide if someone contacts you what you want to tell them.

Posted by Moppet (65 days ago)

I think you need to be honest, if it was just an issue with not being very good with kids or cleaning it wouldn't matter but when you come to stealing i don't think it's fair not to be honest with people. Just my take on it though it really is your call. Perhaps explain to her that you are just not comfortable signing the letter when she has stolen from you as she is passing the problem on to someone else and see what she says.
Good luck with it