hi all, wondering if you had this problem and share a sensible solution.
my helper has been with me for almost four years. I would rate her 6/10. she doesn't need to take care of the kids but she cooks, clean, iron and walk our dog. she works less hours than a normal helper because the kids are not under her purview.
when she started, I gave me a few standard rules and one of them is absolutely NO gossip. we live in an area where helpers love to gossip. about 4 months ago, i heard for the first time that she has been gossiping about us. specifically that her job is tough and she is tired (she works 5 1/2 days week and she starts way after the kids are gone.
we have a very good relationship with our building management (we give them good lai sees and are courteous). it was them who told me that she has been standing in the lobby and gossiping re: her job. i found it unacceptable and reported to my husband. he was equally unimpressed and went and spoke to the building manager to independently to verify the story. then we decided to talk to her. she denied it, as we expected she would and we gave her a stern warning.
i ran into another helper yesterday and she told me that she is worried that she has offended my helper because my helper had called her many times to try to start gossip (she said she knows many people around here and have plenty of gossip). the helper (being new) told her she is not interested. i asked her specifics (ie how many times she called, when, so that i have some concrete proof when i speak with my helper).
but I'm beginning to think that this is her personality and the warning clearly did not sink in. i will consider replacing her but in the interim what can i do to contain this bad habit?
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What the building management and 'other helper' did was also 'gossip'.
I would say 90% of employees complain about their jobs, regardless their salary or working conditions. That's not really 'gossip'.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-leadership/wp/2013/10/10/only-13-percent-of-people-worldwide-actually-like-going-to-work/
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Daiso
10 yrs ago
This is really not a big deal...gossip...
When a helper is telling bad things about u, that means she doesn't want other helpers seeking for her job...
Helpers does that to each other. I found my ex-helper was trying to scare away my new helper.
If you're unlucky enough like me, I've hired a drunky/ dlirty/ dirty helper before and you could properly find her in facebook/ dating site, knowing her dating with different guys from local/ all different countries, having extra money from all these boyfriends therefore not really care about her domestic work...
taking care of my baby while she's drunk...you'll know what you're facing is not even a problem.
Relax, have a drink...some people is like that in nature....
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Maybe from her point of view her job is demanding and she may very well be tired...why can't she tell her friends? Doesn't necessarily make you a bad guy. Almost every person I know of is tired because of their job.
BTW, gossip can be positive as well as negative. Slander, on the other hand, is altogether different. From what you have said she has not slandered you in any way.
If she is willing to stay with you for 4+ years, people can read between the lines and make their own judgements as to whether her employer (you) is demanding or not!
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There are a LOT of domestic helpers on the Asia Xpat site which should be renamed AMAH "Xpat".
Gossip is gossip.
How WOULD YOU KNOW the person or persons sticking up for this highly undesirable trait which is more prevalent amongst Domestic Helpers can you EVEN IMAGINE .. is even an employer?
Private message me if you want some concrete ideas on how to stop this happening. The few professional Filipinas I know here OUT OF THE HUNDREDS I know call this "the Filipina disease". What else can they do if they haven't managed to nail a white boyfriend?? GOSSIP!!!
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Spitfire.....sorry, I have absolutely no idea what your comment means! Doesn't make sense.
Seems like posting a comment at 1:30am is not good for you. Get some sleep, please!
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While I do agree with most of the poster's gossip is gossip stance, I can really relate to the OP's frustration of the helper gossiping. Backfiring in many ways have happened to me( with our first helped whom I fired after 4 weeks) and my fellow neighbours in the complex I used to live in.
OP, if you keep on getting caught in these gossip things, there'll be no end, choose the ones that matters to you and let go the rest. I have told our helper of 6 years that she is not to gossip about r private family life. If I hear any feed back from the "grape vine", she will get serious warnings ( in our house, we have some code of conducts and have a mutual agreement that if she gets 5 flags, termination is on the table). So far so good, I can already hear voices that tells me , I am being really overbearing in my management but, trust me, after the first short lived helper experience and summing up with my friend's "gossip backlashes" and hearing and seeing how easily news travels through the complex helper's "association", I have come to conclusion. I do not appreciate something that is about our family that is not " leaked" from the family.
On the other hand, I can see our helper so gagging to spread the news of something that is changing in the family or something she is so proud of our family or something that is harmless. In that case, I tell her, " be the antenna"
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Gossip and complaining are a fact of life. I work in a University and everyone complains about how they are overworked and everyone gossips about the bosses, even their personal lives (most of which is pure speculation). I think you are being unrealistic if don't expect this to happen.
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Being soft with a helper will not get you far. Be firm, and remind them that
you do not have to give them a flight unless they complete 2 yrs service. If they complain, send em back on a boat ! ( its a passage home so legal )
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Completely disagree with you MyCars. Even if they work for one week with you, you have yo provide a flight back home, and reg your comment about being soft with them, are they not the same humans as us? I feel every person, irrespective of their work or position, deserves a respectful work culture.
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Aaa, yes, gossip about employers, it's human nature. I loved it too when I was working but, it stayed there. While I am a firm advocate of these domestic helper ladies getting what they deserve, I think they can handle their gossiping treadmill less vile and know that a gossip is just gossip. I've had a deep discussion about this with our current helper and it was really interesting to know the huge gap that cultural difference generates!
My two cents worth as I think the OP's real intention has been misread and this post is heading towards a different direction.
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MyCars You are so off base in your remarks, you might as well be in different era in time. READ the contract, NO ONE is REQUIRED to finish 2 year contract! Either side may terminate within the guidelines of Labour Dept.
Your comment make me realize there are some really ignorant people still under the impression they do not need to read and follow any contractual agreement with the people they feel are beneath them.
BTW, apologies to the OP as I got off the track here, but honestly comments like that just can't pass without a response.
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Being the person gossiped about is never nice. One helper even told me that her male boss' mistress even left her stained undies on the floor for her to wash. That is, I think a bit too gross to mention to others. Imagine if those stories are being shared with other helpers/employers living in your neighbourhood!
But at the same token, from a helper's perspective, she's been living with her employer 6 days a week with no one to talk to unless she steps outside. A little complain/gossip here and there keeps her sane.
Most helpers should be sensible enough to keep certain stuff private. This also means that we should not tell them too much about your lives if we don't want them broadcasted.
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You are behaving like "mean girls". There is no problem having some rules and structure for helpers. According to the OP, it was communicated to the helper before she started the job anyway. Every family has it's own rules!
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I understand about gossip as I was victim as well. My ex Helper telling all helpers in building and at my kids school that I was mean employer and starve them to death. In actuality I bought her fresh food but she is too lazy to cook it and eats cup noodles everyday out if her own will. What a load of crap. Since then new helpers arriving get a dosage from other helpers saying I starve helpers and hopes the new one can last!! Very annoying.
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There is a difference between general gossip and character assassination. I suffered from a helper who terribly bad-mouthed myself and family around the neighbourhood. Initially I worked long hours outside the home and she had lots of freedom and we thought she was wondeful. But once I began working from home running my own business and wasn't out of the home all day her attitude changed and she made our life difficult. When we mutually agreed not to renew her 3rd contract we thought she left of good terms but her bad-mouthing and negative gossip and lies made it almost impossible for us to hire another helper. Similiar situations have happened to a couple of friends and certainly all of these helpers were treated very well, but the helpers exceedingly negative gossip was extremely spiteful and damaging. Beware - your family don't need or deserve this in your home
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bsm
10 yrs ago
I'm unfortunately watching my neighbour drowning in this kind of nastiness. She has two young kids and pregnant with her third and the Filipino helpers in our area are determined to spread ies to stop anyone from working for her. If they are in the lobby and a potential helper comes to interview, they tell lies so that some of them don't even go up for the interview when they are already here. They said that the neighbour doesn't give ex-helper money for food but she gets a the food subsidy exceeds the government standard. And lots of us have seen her in our supermarket buying bags of junk food on Sunday. The gossip is so out of control that a couple of the employers are switching to another nationality of helper just to break the cycle. Ignorance is festered by gossip.
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This is the other side of the helper abuse that we read so much about and everyone gets excited about, my own view is that very few helpers are abused, if being reprimanded for poor work is abuse then they need to get another job.
The employer abuse referred to here is much more insidious and harder to prove, when this helper mafia moves against an employer it is just as much abuse but where is the support for the victim in this case, there isn't. Double standards I'm afraid just have to live with it.
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The helper has worked for the lady for 4 years with no big troubles, and suddenly the buuilding management tells you, why...maybe they are looking for a job for someone....there is lot of that going on as well, people trying to get others jobs....
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Unfortunately gossip is part of the filipino culture. They see absolutely nothing wrong with it. I have been in the thick of it doing research for my upcoming project and gossip is just a way of life. They gossip about their employers, family, friends etc. There is really nothing you can do about it.
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What would you say if your employer forbad you to speak about your work environmnent? Would you consider that fair? If you got fired for doing it, would you accept it?
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Gossip is neutral.
Twisting the truth and spread the bullshit is immoral.
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Sometimes, it's normal to talk our working situation especially if the employer is demanding but it doesn't mean that is gossip we just want to voice out what we feel , not only the helpers are gossiper , employers also that;s why some good employers changed bec. they are brain wash by there fellow employers.... thanks and I hope I didn't offend your complain about your helper... have a good and calm down.....
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Yes, right.
Just stop spreading the bad things without verification or just believe to the speakers who might have ill purpose to spread so, no matter on employer's or employee's side.
Trust your eyes rather than your ears.
World will be better. Cheers!
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