Posted by
candycandy
18 yrs ago
I am seeing someone, at least up to now still not yet end. We hit it off after first met and develop quiet fast, dated a month and he was out of town for a month. In between the time, he said if I am not ready to have sex, then we are better back to be friends only. I am a bit disappointed about what he said, because he said he would respect that at the begining.
I really like him and honestly I though if we develop stable, I would like to sleep with him as well. Just after he said that. Now I keep thinking about if I suddenly want to do that, is it just because he said that and gave pressure on me?
I don't want to keep a guy with me by that and I don't think that can keep a guy as well. SOmehow I still think that once I sleep with him, maybe he will dump me then.
I feel like I am tearing into two halves.
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tia
18 yrs ago
I have to agree with Pumpkin. Sleep with him if you want to. Don't if you are not comfy with the idea. You should embrace your sexuality for what it is. This whole Sex or No Sex debate with couples or casual hookups is not worth the hassle. Men are not the only ones capable of having sex with no strings and/or using someone for sex.
I have slept with men on the first date. I have slept with men after 4 months. It made no difference to the relationship.
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Thanks for you all.
Actually, I dind't sleep with my ex bf. The one I really in love but maybe he thinks different.
I know that I can only go for that even the next morning he would leave forever and I have no regret, then I would do that.
But I think I don't need to think about it anymore since he hasn't contacted with me for more than a week. And our last date was not well, too.
However, still thanks the advises.
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Candy,
he is emotionally blackmailing you, you know it, that explains your reluctance to sleep with him. Dump him asap.
my 2p :D
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btd
18 yrs ago
men are not the only ones to get enjoyment out of sex- but really, don't do it if you don't feel right> that's the most important. But try not to find guys in Lan Kwai Fong or Wan Chai!!! Perhaps there are some un-written expectations in those parts of town..good luck!
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Thank you for all of you.
He dumped me already( at least that's what I think). But st123 guessed correctly. He is westerner. Maybe st123 just read another thread of mine. Don't mean all westerners are the same. No offence.
Still I believe that if a guy really in love a girl. He can respect and wait until both have that click. Maybe I just have too innocent rommanic thought. Just I still believe that.
I don't know when would be the right time to have sex. I only know that if have a time that I feel like to do that, then I will. Might be that's the first date or really after said 'I do'.
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I can't believe what a evil guy I met. Tonight, he told me that he is dating another girl because I didn't change my mind but then he started to say some very bad words to offend me. I am shocked about how blind I was.
Anyone come near and slap me, so I would awake and open eyes widen? Or laugh me being stupid?
I am still in shock.
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Well the whole idea of holding out till you have a ring on the finger is a bit shocking.
What is it? that sex is a reward you give a man because he will marry you.
quite ridiculous.
i'm not saying that everybody should sleep with the guy on the first date - it's not like you get turned on by every tom dick and harry, but then if there's no spark there's no spark - where does respect for women enter the issue?
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Okay, I'm a westerner and I'm generally pretty non judgmental. But I think women who sleep with every man they meet are sluts. And I think women who dress so their cleavage and g strings show are dressing like whores and further being disrespectful of the culture they live in here. Moreover, there are still plenty of western men and women think it is completely normal to reserve sex for only those they are most deeply intimate with! So there. Fighting words! In my opinion, cheap is cheap, and that means in any culture. Candycandy, I'm sorry about the cheap slug who tried to manipulate you into having cheap sex with him. Just be glad you kept your dignity and didn't fall for it! But I assure you, not all westerners think or live by the cheap moral code that degrades sex into a commodity that can be marketed by the sales commercials for Abercrobie jeans. While there may be much room for honest differences of opinion and honest differences in standards, I also observe that men and women living abroad sometimes do things while overseas that they would be embarassed to admit in their home countries. I also observe that many of the western men who wind up in Asia -- and find themselves objects of attraction here -- are actually losers who could never hope to find a match in their home country. You are better off without him.
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This isn't about westerners and asians at all.
I don't think that being intimate with someone that you feel attracted to automatically means that you are a slut - maybe you know that it won't be a long term relationship - but so what?
I strongly believe that no woman should be exploited to have to drop her panties to keep a man as someone put it.
There are female friens of mine that have slept with just one or two men all their lives and some that have slept with quite a few - i certainly don't judge them.
but gogis - your post really sounded like - ok now that he's promised to marry me he can be rewarded. it still sounds like that.
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well,i am not sure why he told u that,bec sleeping for sex is just not sleep...but im sure men always have the choice of enjoy this fruit as well and women is the source for this fruit.. sharing the moment of romance is v.important in life ......if either sex not enjoy that .men or women still can live with big compromsing way.. ...
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I don't mean all westerners are messing around. Please don't read it wrong. My ex-bf is westerner too. He is a lot better than this date. Even we can't work it out but still I have nice memory.
I didn't mean to keep sex like gift or only after marry, etc. Just when I feel that's the time to share that. I never think about drop the panties can keep a guy. He can get it and leave next day without goodbye.
I understand everyone is different. The time when I ask this question is because I am confused about do I really following my own feeling or already be stressed in some ways.
I am really glad that I have a doubt about him. Now I really can see him clearly.
I have plenty of foreign friends, so I know not everyone messes around. A lot of them are really caring and respect a lot. Sorry if I sent any messages and cause misunderstood.
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