UGH! Men's formalwear questions

OK, I'm basically a casual shirt & jeans kind of guy, but this weekend, I have a formal event, so I've rented a tux and bought a shirt, bowtie and cummerbund. But suddenly it dawns on me that I know very little about those little details that people who wear suits and go to formal events take for granted. Like:


1) What material is better for a dress shirt--cotton, cotton/poly, something else? Does one breathe better, etc?


2) Is there some unwritten rule about pleat width in shirts? Are finer pleats more stylish? Are wing collars WAY out of style?


3) How much of a no-no is it if your bowtie doesn't match your cummerbund?


4) How should a cummerbund fit: should it wrap around the back, and if you are a bit portly, where should you wear it on your waist?


5) If you wear a tie with a tux (can you do that?) should it tuck inside your cummerbund?


6) How do you wear a tux and avoid looking like a waiter?


I know these questions sound pretty trivial, but if I'm going to drop a few thousand dollars on a tux and accessories, it would be pretty stupid to not know the social rules of how to wear it. Maybe some Dip Corps folks here who wear these things more often than I do have some info or resources for me?


THANKS in advance!

If the event is a very formal "black tie", it's usually best to stick with the black tie and cummerbund. For a less formal but still "black tie" enjoy adding a splash of colour with the tie and cummerbund. The white tie, I think, is best left with the black evening tailcoat matched with a white waistcoat.


If your tux is double breasted then you don't need to wear a cummerbund or waistcoat.


The shirt collar is up to your personal choice, wing or standard. The material should not show the creases too much. But you should be aware that the pleated shirt will billow a bit in front. To avoid this make sure the shirt fits well; a trouser tab on the shirt is also a good idea.


A spare pair of cufflinks in your pocket is handy if you break or lose one.


Clean black leather shoes, patented optional.


How not to look like a waiter... attitude and demeanour. Act as if you wear a tux every week, not like James Bond though, that's a bit OTT! More Cary Grant... If it helps you to relax, casually put your left hand in your trouser pocket - so you right hand is always free. Visualise yourself wearing it, feeling comfortable, greeting people and shaking hands. Feel as if you were born to wear it and enjoy it!

Im really not a fan of this whole 'Black Tie' thing as I feel it is so out dated. For me Black Tie is just a term to make an event more formal and does not mean you have to wear a traditional Tux. You can get a cool/sexy black suit possibly with a trim on the lapel that looks great. Formal but not too stuffy. The cummerbund thing is also petty old style. A plain cotton dress shirt in a smart color such as steel blue or even black looks cool. Think Calvin Klien couture or Hugo Boss.


Why not do something a little more stylish and so you dont look like every other waiter and penguin in the room.

Not sure I agree with this babble about a tuxedo being ‘formal’ and so on – a tuxedo is really a ‘party suit’, so in a sense it is actually more relaxed than a regular business suit (which some people substitute for tuxedo). In that sense, you have some flexibility on what you do with the outfit.

However, since the original question was about ‘proper etiquette’ here are some guidelines addressing the original questions (in addition to Claire’s advice which is very good – except for the comment on white tie):


1) Cotton is the traditional material for shirts; it is also the best in terms of ‘breathing.’ Blended fabrics are sometimes easier to care for and can be more wrinkle-resistant. In any case, the shirt should be white, with French/double-cuffs, and studs or concealed buttons.


2) Pleat width is more of a question of fashion and personal style. Figure/body shape should probably also be a factor – many tiny pleats on a heavy-set person probably look as silly as two or three massive ones on somebody skinny. BTW, pleats are not required – plenty of tuxedo shirts without them. As for collars, fold-down collars are more traditional than wing collars, but either one is acceptable.


3) It is called ‘black tie’ for a reason – namely the fact that a black bow-tie is worn with a tuxedo. A color bow-tie is equivalent to wearing a Mickey Mouse tie to work – it might be acceptable depending on the setting, crowd, your personal style, etc. but it certainly is unconventional/not traditional. NEVER wear a white bow-tie with a tuxedo, it is part of white-tie/full dress outfit with tailcoat, pants with two silk stripes on the outside seam, white vest/waistcoat, white piqué bow-tie, white wing collar piqué shirt with single-cuffs, etc. and reserved for very formal social occasion (think Vienna ball, certain state events, etc.).


4) Cummerbund should go around the waist. Not sure what you mean by ‘wrap around the back’?


5) As per above, proper tie for a tuxedo is a (black) bow-tie.


6) Question should probably be: Why is a waiter wearing a tuxedo in the first place? But to be more helpful, keep in mind the above comment about a tuxedo being party-wear: Relax and enjoy yourself and you will be fine. Oh, and NEVER commit the blunder of wearing a tuxedo to a wedding...unless of course, you really are a waiter ;-)

1) Only Cotton if you don't want to stink

2)Wing collar with a bow tie and tux is a must. width of pleat as per your taste

3) better to match the bow tie with the cummerbund

4) at your waist

5) if regular tie - no cummer bund

6) better buy then rent

Thanks to everyone. The event was earlier this evening, and in one short week I went from some guy with no clue about formal wear, to a pretty slick-looking guy in a tux. I think I blended in well, and I'll probably be looking to have one made in the near future, now that I own all the accessories...