Advice needed facing abuser

Hi,


I moved in with this nice widower from Europe who had a 5 years old child last April : out from 4 months together he paid the rent of 2 month only (but brought himself a new flat screen TV 2 weeks ago and has no financial concerns). How can I get his share of the other rents back? He put my name only on the lease and used to be a lawyer before, so I guess he knows what he is doing.


Advises would be very helpful...

So him and the 5 year old live with you? I am sorry, I am a bit confused...you two are in a relationship and you agreed to split the rent together? Whats the story.

Thanks Justin and Malka,


I intially posted the story under the mariage & relationship thread, before realising there is this legal advise thread. I am also wondering if there is any association (e.g. women rights association) who could help me work this through. I am not especially a feminist but I am quite sure he do it to someone else again, so if there is a file opened somewhere with with his name on it, it can help the next lady...


Here is the story : Hi,


I have met this nice European widower with a lovely little 5 years old child last year. He said very quickly he wanted to commit, we should settle together as soon as possible and start a new family. We are both in our forties. The guy used to be a lawyer, has his own business in Singapore. We met online.


We met in August 2011, started a relationship in November 2011. In March this year, we found an apartment we both loved. He dealt with it but at the last minute, it happened my name only was put on the lease.


In the meantime he asked me to go on his own to Bali while I would take of the child (he works at home, can take his leave whenever he wants : he decided to go when I was going to be one week off. I founded it worrying). A few days later, I realised he was seeing again his former helper, with who he used to have sex. I suggested a breakup. He refused it, said I was insecure. If there was not the child with who I developed a very strong bond, I would not have made the move. Anyway, I tried...


To cut it short, in 4 months the guy paid only (with difficulties) 2 month rent and was cheating on me with no possibility of discussing it, no matter what I tried. He was not working either, spending his days lying on the coach with a newspaper, chatting on internet and exchanging sms : nothing to do with the busy schedule he mentioned when we met.


We were on our way to Europe to spend 3 weeks together at my parents when I decided to break up, sure he would enjoy the free holidays and then treat me as badly as before. We agreed on an amicable breakup and still went for 5 very civil days to my family, where everyone was very nice to him, his child and his mother (who joined us).


When we returned, I moved to a friend of mine : so far, we never had a loud exchange. On the weekend, when I returned to my apartment with lugages, I found out he had locked me out of it. I filed to the police and he let me in at night, only when I mentioned the police report.


We met again a couple of days later after having exchanged polite sms to settle the financial matters and exchange pictures and movies of the child. He had just bought himlself a new flat screen TV and when I arrived, he threw his child and the maid away before saying he would not pay a single penny. He also demanded I would pay for the rent + maid's fees for the 11 first day of August when I was out of the apartment waiting for my moving out to happen (in between, I had made a lease change with his name only on the papers). He was brutal as usual but I was no longer scared of him.


I moved out calmly last Saturday : on that very same night, his former helper settled in the apartment. He is hiring her and firing our helper (who wanted to leave anyway as she is scared of him). I know he will probably continue looking for women with money and play the family good guy role while trying to keep his mistress at home as the helper (that would have happened to me if his helper would not have sent me sms to share about their intimate relationship)... To cut it short I feel relieved it was just a one year story in my case.


Anyhow, my question now is : is there anyway I can get my share of the rents back...?

I would be great to get advices..

Thanks Malka. No, he is not a PR.

I am thinking about a way to find a mediation...

I would say "move on". Would have been worse had you allowed yourself to get pregnant. It's really not worth your energy. But I would lodge a complaint with MOM to repeal his work visa. Also to make sure he can't get a PR if he does apply for it. If he has been a lawyer, you can be sure you have been pretty well screwed. So I suspect posting his pic online would not work either.