We just moved here and it seems that my husband will be out of town at least 2 weeks in a month! How do I deal? I am pg with my 2nd so hoping after the baby things will improve.
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Hi
It is really tough to start with, but to be honest, it does become very normal to you very soon....My husband first started travelling away when my little one was 2 weeks old and I was petrified. Now, to be honest, I think that its really healthy for a relationship to be apart from each other an amount of time, be it 1 day or 2 weeks. I and many girlfriends are in the same situation and I use this time to do all sorts of stuff like watch certain TV series, prepare food for the freezer, catch up with the girls, phone my friends back home - perfect for time difference - work stuff, read books......its surprising, especially with children just how little time you actually have left for yourself. Enjoy...and good luck.
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I don't like it when my husband travels. I think it is so wonderful how secure clueless is. I like time to myslef but I have seen so many marriages cahnge or end from travelling husbands in Asia.I know it can happen anywhere but men have opportunities in their faces all the time. Back home they wouldn't be chaseed as often. Just in the last year I have had 2 friends separte , both men leave wives for women met on travel. I'm sorry chaoticexplosion I'm sure your husband is a wonderful man but it is important to have the talk of how to deal with possible temptation while travelling away from home. Or at least that's what I think. Another great idea is to join some ladies group so you have people to talk to when your lonely. Every relationship is different and I have no idea what works for other people but I like to travel with my husband if he has to go away for a long time and daily phone calls if I don't go. Take care and best of luck!
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sheep
18 yrs ago
After 12 yrs together with my husband travelling for the 10 of these years i still hate it, he just about made it home for the birth of my first child just by pure luck, with 3 children its been really tough, its like being a single parent.
I speak to some woman who enjoy their husband being away?, this to me a strange if happily married how can a woman enjoy her husband being away for weeks at a time? I still hate it after all this time and it causes a lot of arguemants in my marriage, i live away from my friends and family to be a family but hes never here, so my point is sometimes whats the point in me being here?, i could live back home and not see him if im living here and not seeing him?
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Hi,for my case at a new places away from my friends and family.While my hubby travel,what i do is take care of my 9 months baby,go online,do
a bit of housework,watch tv,read a book and etc....But when if i still feel lonely while my
baby is sleeping i will call my buddy back in my
homeland and start complaining.....
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@@
18 yrs ago
klipper - are you serious? It saddens me to see this sort of post.
I know couples who still manage to maintain loving relationships with partners travelling. It's not easy, you need to make time for each other when you are at home, you also need to make your own life so that you are busy while your husband is away.
Perhaps join a sporting team, book club. Make some friends who are in the same situation, my girlfriends and I keep busy and support each other.
Good luck.
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Sorry, I should not be here either, was aiming at Travel/Hotels, but could not resist this thread.
I travel about 50% of the month. I try to be at home at weekends, partly to give my exhausted wife a hand, but mostly to be with her and my adorable children. It does not always work like that. Longer haul tripa and Monday morning meetings often mean Saturday departures/returns.
Yes, there are plenty of women throwing themselves at western men. I know that some go for it. Speaking from my experience, they are a TINY MINORITY. Hardly a scientific study, but my experience none the less.
Much as it may shock Klipper, most of us married peers and soulmates. We could not imagine ever risking solid relationships and wonderful families for cheap thrills. Klipper is obviously not a happy or confident person - don't let that rub off on you.
Have to agree with my fellow 'invader' mpl; be sure to manage your time together well. Schedule couple time and family time. My wife has flown out with the children when I'm working somewhere child friendly a few times and it has always worked well. It's not ideal, but it is manageable.
She is very resourceful and has her own life in HK. My friends marvel at how much she knew about HK in a matter of months, more than many learned in years. Just try to find as many positive opportunities for you as possible, but be sure that your husband pulls his weight! Good luck.
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Thanks Southside
Its true, I know guys who have cheated on their wives and vice versa,......but 9 times out of 10, men who stray do so NOT because the woman is thinner or more glam, but because of how the woman makes the man FEEL. There is usually an emotional need being met, as well as the obvious physical ones. I totally agree with Southside, not all men will stray, some men really do value a loving, secure and caring family life with reciprocated respect for one another above a quick f***.
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Good grief, the woman is asking how does she personally deal with things while her husband is traveling not how should she deal with a cheating husband. I have had personal experience with dealing with a cheating husband and I am as quick as anyone to say if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it's a damn duck. But let's not be so quick to buy into the stereotype that all men are cheating dogs. Could it happen...absoulutely. But will it happen ...who can know.
Chaotic, there is some good, constuctive advice in the postings regarding finding your own nitch and life apart from your husband so I won't repeat it. The difficulty for you will be in being a single parent to two little ones for two weeks a month. The days and evenings can get mighty long during those weeks so in my opinion for what it is worth it is critical that you bond with other women in similar situations. This will provide you with a support system for those times when you just don't think you can get through another day. It may be difficult for you to reach out and do this but try to force yourself.
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I am so sorry I don't want you to worry about what I said every couple is individual and I was just puting out the idea we do as a couple and we do talk about temptation and I love my husband so much and I know he knows what I feel about cheating.
Kipper I don't want to seem mean but I have always got a great deal of attention from eapats and chinese, There are men who like asian women and there are men who like blue eyed blonds. There is beauty and beautiful women in every culture.
Chaotic I would suggest you join the American Womens Association they have a chat and coffee every Thursday morning from 10-12 at the Marriot Hotel next to Pacific place.You don't need to be American or join the AWA to come. I'm Canadain and I joined a couple of weeks ago. It is a great way to meet other great ladies. I'm going on Thrusday you are welcome to join.
I am sorry I brought up the issue of women when men are away. You just wanted some advice on how to deal not more worries. Best of luck and if you want to join me on Thrusday just send a message in my box. Take care!
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I'm happy to report that I'm happily married after 25 years, 3 kids, and a husband that has always traveled a whole lot. It is hard on mommy when she is alone at home with little ones. One time when I had flu, I was so sick all I could do was open a can of soup, heat it in the microwave, and sit there with my head on the table while my 3 y/o ate it, then go back to bed. Another time that I was sick, I remember locking "babyproofing" the bedroom and then locking myself in there with the baby so I could sleep without worrying for baby's safety. It helps if hubby will help you get "set up" with food and necessities in the house before he leaves, including medicine for fever etc just in case something like that happens while he is gone. Another time when I had stitches in my foot and was basically unable to walk, my hubby bought a week's worth of TV dinners to get me and baby through the week. If you are able to afford a household helper, that can help. Another idea to put in your mind, however, is that there's no better time to travel than when children are young and not yet tied down with school. If you plan your schedule a bit around naps etc so they won't get too stressed, you can have a good time sightseeing while hubby works, company is paying the hotel bill and at least part of the cost of meals. I once took a memorable trip to Disney World -- alone -- with the baby in a backpack and the toddler in a stroller. It was fine, and I got to be w/ hubby in the evenings. Finally about the cheating thing . . . a person can find temptation anywhere he looks for it. I'd venture to say the best innoculation against cheating is to have a healthy relationship at home that he looks forward to coming home to. (E.g. see South Side post above) I'm sure the temptations are more abundant in Asia, but that doesn't mean everyone cheats.
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mrsl
18 yrs ago
chaoticexplosion, most of the advice here is very sound (obviously not including Klipper here). It is SO easy to keep busy enough here in HK that the weeks fly by when your husband is away.
So many of us are in the same position, I find that even when my husband is flying over a weekend, I get lots of invitations to meet up with friends and their families. I reciprocate when they are in the same position.
My children were the best passport to meeting people and keeping busy. Between playgroups, swimming classes, school runs etc., I have met some great people and struggle to find enough time to arrange meetings and playdates now as our diaries are so full.
When they were younger (not limited by school terms), we often jumped on a plane and met up with my husband whenever he was going somewhere that would interest them. We still do it a lot when he goes to Singapore, as they LOVE the zoo there!
You are in a great position to meet people with babies due at the same time as you. I met some of my best friends at pre and post natal groups.
Make sure you try to set aside time with your husband as well as family time when he is at home. We find that we have to be very organised to maximise our quality time together. It does limit spontaneity somewhat, and we find that diaries get booked up months in advance sometimes, but we never waste our time as a couple or family. I try to do as much of the 'admin' as I can during the week, so that weekends are as much fun as possible.
Good luck! It becomes a way of life, and it is easier here than it was in London as more people can relate to your situation.
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Ed
18 yrs ago
Re: deleted post from klipper.
Inflamatory comments will get you suspended...
Also if i suspect you are a male participating on this forum that will also get you thrown into the AX Jail... and my spider sense is tingling...
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Well, Klipper sounds bitter but seems to voice an honest -- if bitter -- opinion. Truthfully, Asia can be hard on marriages. Put a lot of gold into the time you have together. Like MSRL says, it's also hard on him, so try to take on as much of the household administrativia as possible yourself during the week so that weekends (or whatever) can be reserved for quality time. Put a lot of effort into home organization and have a lot of friends over for playtime, coffee, mommy book discussion, etc. I agree the women here understand a lot better and tend to support each other, at least where I live.
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I have now been in hong kong for 1 year, my husband travels almost 2 weeks a month. I dont have any children, so i have alot of time to myself. The trick is...just keep yourself occupied. You have to find something you really love to do, and just give it some time. Eventually you will find people here that you can call, maybe go out with once in a while, or just a chat. Dont listen to all the cheating husband stuff..if you do, you will go mad. You obviously married this man because you love and trust him. Stick with that. This is a city full of wonderful things to do and see..even with children.
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my husband travels for 3 weeks every 6 weeks.... lucky we dont have kids, so I go and visit him every two weeks, so longest we are apart is 2... it is tough.. but also good as it gives you a sense of independence... dont listen to cheating stuff... it doesnt happen to everyone, and trust is very important...
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My husband used to work away for 6 weeks on and a supposedly 6 weeks off which in actuallity he only ever got 1 week off that I can remember....that went on for 18 months.
We then moved to Hong Kong where we got maried.
He is away for about half the month also, 9 years on 6 of which have been married in HK,He still travells. We have welcomed our first baby, this year and whilst he still travells we are happily married...basically you just have to get on with it,pure and simple.
In regards to the comments people have about cheating husbands its a 2 way street I have heard many stories of wives cheating too.
If you dont trust your partner then it will end up driving you crazy with worrying every time he goes away..
try and stay positive....
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sheep
18 yrs ago
Suppose the hardest part for me is i am too busy with working and coming home to 3 children is just too much, just feel so stressed out, feel like a single parent, working and bringing children up alone, its not easy, but like others have said just have to get on with it!!.
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It seems a shame Ed that the odd bloke (not 'odd' in THAT sense!!) can't participate once in a while in this forum because as a wife with a constantly travelling husband, it was quite interesting and informative to hear their side of the story. Surely more helpful than man-hating females?
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Ed
18 yrs ago
I agree - it is a shame - in the past we allowed men in but we found that the participation was generally unconstructive and often offensive... so we decided to enforce a women ONLY policy strictly.
Trust me, this forum is far more useful in the present format.
For a man's pt of view we've got the relationships forum.
Cheers,
Ed
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