Posted by
cd
18 yrs ago
You never have enough energy once you have kids, but you certainly have enough love. I think every parent worries that they won't be able to love their second one as much as their first but you do.
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Kimmi
18 yrs ago
I think the best gift you can give your child is another sibbling. We waited till our daughter was 3 before I got pregnant again and It really worked for us as a family. My daughter was so involved and interested in the pregnancy and then the birth. Now she absolutely adores her little brother and a real help to me there's no jelousy at all and she still gets plenty of love and cuddles, if not even more now
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such an interesting thread.
motherhood was something i so wanted to be a part of but actually being one was a huge shock that took my breath away at the beginning. at 6 months now, i am slowly settling and enjoying every moment with my little one. i look after him 24/7 so we are very close. we have plans to try for no. 2 when he turns one but i really worry how i will cope - will my stress/lack of energy make me a terrible mother of two?
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I got pregnant with my second when my first was 13 months old - and it was only after I thought I was really comfortable with the way my older was behaving that gave me confidence to tackle having another one.
My husband worried about not loving #2 enough. He started worrying from the outset - he/she is only going to have handmedowns, he/she will never experience being the "only one" and on and on.
But my second was born, under some not ideal circumstances and we just love her to bits. Her personality is different from our first and she's really such an easy baby - far easier than our first one. She's easier and also my older, after a 6 week period of a lot of jealousy and difficulty, loves her and wants to be her "big sister." She gets the diapers, the wipes and everything.
One thing that I think really helped their relationship tremendously (between the two of them) and therefore helped me with them was putting them in the same room to sleep. I noticed that my older one was far less jealous after they were sharing a room. My infant had her own room and no one slept with my husband and me and so I didn't think my elder would care much, but she definitely didn't like it if she found me in the same room as my baby without her being there. Getting them in the same room together was actually far easier than I thought and the two love waking up with each other and laughing together. In fact, even if both of them get up early they both sit and lie down in their beds and don't bother looking for me so I can get a bit of extra work done in the morning.
but don't get me wrong -the first three months were REALLY crazy - and I went back to work in six weeks part time so I was crazed. But after things settled down it has been nothing but loads of fun and tons of joy...enough that I'm considering getting pregant with #3 early next year! (what am I, NUTS?)
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wow....
congrats waffle_hk!! hang it there and take care of yourself, i'm sure everything will work out!!
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Never wonder if we would have enough love for 2, but did wonder if we would have enough time for 2... And I do feel sometimes a little guilty when I have to tell my 6 month-old son to wait quietly for me to finish playing/cuddling/ talking to my 20 month-old daughter. She's a handfull like most toddler this age, and when she wants attention there's no way I can 'ignore' her, whereas my 2nd one is so peaceful and patient... So he's the one who waits for his turn, poor baby...
Enough energy... well we're always exhausted, but still got energy from them, go out every weekend with them both, am trying to be there every evening for bath time, dinner time etc... And it is such a pleasure to have a little one to cuddle when you feel it is so difficult to manage a toddler's tantrum.
Am now thinking about working on a 3rd one...
There's no jealousy from my daughter, she had about 6 weeks to adjust and since then she simply adores her brother, will tell me when he cries, help with the bath, bring him his milk, toys, dummy, kiss him all the time. I wish I could have them sleep in the same room like hkchoichoi, I'm sure they would have loved it, however bedrooms are far too small in our flat to accomodate 2 beds.
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:-))
18 yrs ago
My second child is 3mo now, eldest nearly 3yo, and there is definitely enough love to go around! The practical issues are a bit tricky to start with. I still wonder how I would get them both to bed if I didn't have help.
It's of course easier if you have a helper, but I have actually found that jealousy is less if I am doing things with the two of them by myself, or both me and my husband together. It has helped the elder one accept the shape of our new family, whereas if I am alternating who I am giving my attention to then I think it reinforces the fact that they are competing for attention. Hope that makes sense!
I'm talking about reading a story to #1 while breastfeeding, getting #1 to help with baby care, etc. I still do get plenty of one-on-one time with both of them, because #2 is often napping and #1 is at kindergarten 5 mornings a week. It is definitely more difficult to find time to rest yourself when there are two of them!
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Totaly agree that you have endless love for your children, although we struggled to believe that we could ever love anyone as much as loved our first, and then only, child. You find the energy too, somehow.
The problem that I find is time management. I have permanent guilt that no. 2 is being neglected for the school run, ballet, swimming classes etc. etc. of no. 1. Maybe it is because I remember giving our eldest 100%, and that is obviously impossible now. It also seems to impossible to schedule both of their activities so that I do everything myself. There must be a solution, because people have 4 or 5 children and manage it....
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crj
18 yrs ago
Thanks for this thread WaffleHK, I have been reading with interest and waiting until it was 'safe' to say something... well we are past 3 months now :)
Number One was born January 2006.
Nubmer Two is due April 2007.
They will be 15 months apart like you and your sister.
Still breastfeeding number one, and so far no issues, trying to last out the year.
The biggest problem is complete exhaustion - I have been exhausted since first pregnancy, and there is no end in sight! But I would rather have a few years to get it all over with :)
I have no idea how we will cope, but I know from the posts above that we will!
Things we are considering:
Taking a few months unpaid leave after my maternity leave
Hiring a second helper - at least for a few months but maybe for a few years
Following HKCC's example and having them share a room once second is sleeping from the night feed through to morning
Going on a trip while we are still fully breast feeding - b/c now we know that is much easier than when eating solids!
Using the same cloth nappies - yeah!
Buying the same size mothercare cot/bed so the sheets are interchangable!
Will have to pick up that Sibling Rivalry book later...
What things would you do differently with #2?
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yes!!!!!! CRJ congratulations!!! I feel so happy for you!!
(waffle. for you too of course :)
and I have no doubt that you will all managed (we all have to even if it seems above everything some days :)
take good care of yourselves !
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crj
18 yrs ago
Doubidou - had to make good use of my cloth nappy invesement! :)
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:)
there is always a good reason to make another baby anyway:)
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bw
18 yrs ago
Who is the author of "Sibling Rivalry" ? Is the title correct ? Thanks
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:-))
18 yrs ago
My #2 is now 3.5mo and we're all doing fine, except that #1 totally ignores the baby. She is really into her dolls, and she can't treat the baby like a doll: too heavy, wriggly, not bottlefed, etc.
If I could do the newborn phase again, I would have made more of an effort to include #1 in the baby's routine. I did try, but maybe not enough. I didn't get her involved in nappy changes because we have the changing mat on a high counter - I could have put that on the floor so #1 could "help". I could have asked #1 to bring breastfeeding pillow or burp cloth to me. I do these things now but she is not interested, whereas she would have had more enthusiasm when the baby was new!
The other "problem" we had was grandparents visiting when the baby was newborn, which was great because they gave #1 lots of attention, but they were also distracting her attention away from the baby. We were all so preoccupied with making sure #1 had enough attention, that we "forgot" to involve her with the baby. This can easily happen - if #1 seems happy, why disturb her to ask her to help you with the baby? I took the opportunity to slip off and breastfeed or change the baby somewhere quiet. But it's probably worth the effort to involve #1 more.
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CONGRATS CRJ! I think it's so awesome that you are expecting. A lot of people in Korea believe that in the LONG RUN it's easier raising two kids closer in age than waiting for them to be at least four years apart. For the most part, it's crazy in the beginning but then they sort of end up on the same "schedule" of activities. A lot of moms leave their younger one with the helper and then shlep their older child around - because the two kids just have totally different "lifestyles." But two kids closer in age definitely will not have that large of a gap so that they can do more things together.
One thing I wish I had done differently was TAKE MORE PICTURES!!! In the beginning I was so fried I didn't take enough pictures of my little one with different family members. I actually think that the 15 month age difference could be easier from a "personality" perspective than the 22 month difference I had, in that your older one still won't be fully aware of the universe outside of himself. He'll still think he's the center of everything although there is another person in the picture.
Definitley include your older one in tasks that they can help. my older one can definitely help with diaper changes, with laundry sorting (baby's clothes in one pile, everyone else's clothes in another, and asking if you're not sure), getting certain toys for the baby with, and the one that my older one is really good at these days is TELLING ME when the baby is crying.
Now that they girls have been sleeping together for more than four months, I still definitely love it. I think that they sleep more soundly and they are truly enjoying all the aspects of being together. My older one is going through a bit of a possessive phase and so she doesn't like her sister touching some of her things but I keep trying to get her to understand the importance of sharing. I also let the girls bathe together - my baby in the bathseat and my older one just in the tub and they love that too.
At any rate, CONGRATS CRJ!
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RiceT
18 yrs ago
Waffle - Congrats! I can't believe you got pregnant and no periods!!!!! How many bf feeds do you do a day? I'm still breastfeeding (12mos), add more solids each day, but didn't think we could conceive yet. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. By the way, with our first, I didn't know I was pregnant until 3.5 months! Big, beautiful surprise. : )
Are you seeing the same OB this time around?
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RiceT
18 yrs ago
: ) LOL...I'm bad, I give in to as many as 4 feeds! We've travelled a lot recently so it was easier (and actually healthier...since we didn't always have good foods available to us) to bf. Babe's had a cold of a sort lately too and finds bf'ing most comforting. I delayed introducing solids b/c of allergies in the family, and when I introduced at 6.1 months, baby wasn't interested. Started being more interested around 8 months, still prefers bf, but we're getting some interest from some of the latest foods.
Anyway, we got a bf-a-holic here, and are working on weaning. Still want to continue at least a feed a day though for a while.
If I get pregnant again in HK, I will switch OB's too; I haven't seen him since the post delivery visit. Have a bad taste for him.
CONGRATS!!!!! It's nice to see people's experiences here..from first trying to conceive/conceiving to having babes, and then more babes.
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I finally read through this thread, which has been a good read, but the news is just the best--yippee! Congratulations waffle & crj!! You both seem like such great mums, it's really nice to hear your families are growing :-)
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congrats to crj and waffle...i really admire your strength to have a 2nd one while the 1st one is not yet one! mine is 7 months now. the last month, i find myself thinking that it will be nice to have a 2nd one too - reading posts like these and seeing pregnant women and newborns makes me kinda wistful.
but at the same time, i am not sure if i m ready. more importantly, the 1st 3 months with #1 was such a blur that i want to enjoy the rest of our time leading up to year 1, just the 2 of us - i want to be able to run after him as he does all his fabulous crawling and walking.
but once he hits the one year mark, i am very sure i'll be working hard to gain entry into the 2nd time mummies club!
rest well!
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congrats crj and waffle!
am also trying for no2 - not that easy this time round. but i think it's great to have two children close together - i have two younger brothers and i'm definitely much closer to the one nearest my age than the youngest one (5yrs between the youngest and myself but only 19months between the middle bruv & myself).
as for enough love, i never noticed my parents not having enough love for the three of us and i'm sure i could have enough love for the next one if he/she ever turns up!
good on you, all you second time mummies!
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:-))
18 yrs ago
Cara, was your question for me? My #1 was 2.5yo when baby was born.
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Hi Dora the explorer and all the others. Congrats to crj and waffle
I have two 16 months apart.
but I was also one of 4 girls all about 2 years apart in age. And We never felt neglected or lacking if we didn't have 100% of mum's attention. I think it's healthy that a child is not dependent solely on one person for emotional support and having siblings teaches you to love share and play with others; to give and recieve from them which I think is a great starting block for life.
While mummy is always most important while they're little and always there for them emotionally, it doesn't mean you have to cater to their every desire like you do for number one.
Their lovetank is being filled by their father and siblings also so they don't feel the lack.
( usually the oldest feels it cause he's been so lucky to have you to himself! but he also has to learn to share mummy) That is my theory anyway...we'll see how it works.
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