Fed up

Posted by Thehillsarealive (155 days ago)

This is a bit of moan, but also want ideas to get over it.

I am mid-thirties guy, interesting job (although not high flying), have a lovely girlfriend, family etc etc. I have found that over the years the social life has taken a bit of slow decline. I admit I am quite fussy with finding new friends, which has never been a problem. I used to have a huge gang of mates that I went out with (I also admit I am not so into that idea to the extent) However over the years, many of the old ones have moved away, got married, had kids etc and I find myself a bit lonely sometimes.

I find that getting up, going to work, coming home- repeat throughout the week with occasional Pure Fitness session is well... lacking in some of the excitment I used to get first starting out in HK ( very early twenties). I've done the whole LKF thing...

How to people who have been in HK a long time, who take a bit longer to become friends with someone (some say I am quirky) make new friends?

I have met alot of good friends through my old jobs in more sociable companies but this company doesnt offer that. It seems to me to make a good friend you need to spend alot of time with them (ie work/commute/ live near to each other etc).

I would like to know if anyone else has experienced this and turned it around and how? Please don't say 'get a hobby' and everything falls into place (or at least expand on this a bit)

Sounds very dull I know but also not the kind of question you can ask people face to face, so happy for your advice/suggestions.

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Posted by Cheesypeasplease (155 days ago)

Funnily enough, this 'quarter life' crisis has happened to a friend of mine. Not sure what the answer is. Once you have your rent covered, food in your mouth and a couple of holidays a year... it becomes harder to be stimulated. I honestly believe humans weren't designed to be 'comfortable' if you hark back to the early days of man, they were always under stress to get access to the next meal, and if they didn't they well, snuffed it. I guess you need to get active, try new stuff. Or have kids (not the option I would choose)

Posted by bbr (155 days ago)

I have to say you are really not alone in this situation. Hong Kong is a transient place and you find that many good friends leave - especially in times like this. I know the 'hobby' thing sounds oversimplified but if you are a bit athletic then the HKIPC is a really good club. It does Dragon Boating and Outrigger Canoe training and racing. Their base is the VRC at Deep Water Bay. The group is a mix of 20's right through to a few 50's! The majority thought are in their 30's and sound very similar to you. I am not a member but I have friends who are. You can go for a try out session and then see how it goes. They have a webpage with the info.

Posted by andyny (155 days ago)

I have found myself in your same position since being here in HK. Used to go out and have a bunch of friends back home but that all changed here.
I got into teaching here and it was just work, work, work, go home, next day, same thing.

Even when I was heavily into working out, it was the same thing, work, work out, home over and over.

What changed for me was changing my life with starting my own business here that required me to get out, meet people and be sociable. Now, I've met many people and always have functions to attend and people to do things with.

Unfortunately for you, I don't have any advice as what worked for me won't work for everyone.

I guess that one suggestion is to be more outgoing. I know it's difficult to strike up conversations with people here in HK but if you try, you'll find that many times, they aren't as bad as the unspoken impression they give off before talking with them.

Oh well, my reply isn't probably much help to you but it's to let you know that there are I'm sure many people in the same boat as you in HK.

Good Luck!

Posted by cara (155 days ago)

it is a VERY common problem. i've been here over 14 years now, and i must say that i'm getting tired of making new friends. it seems like i've just made a few really good ones and then they up and leave... it's very tiring. all i can say is that you just have to keep putting yourself out there and making an effort.

Posted by Thehillsarealive (155 days ago)

Thanks. I was thinking that maybe setting up my own business would be a way to challenge ones self again... I've never done it.

Part of the problem I guess, is when you get into your thirties, yourself and others become less comprimising, you have more baggage, stronger opinions etc. In short, it becomes harder to meet a life long friends. We all become more stubborn.

I also get frustrated by the fact that 'this is it' these are my prime years and this is what I'm doing with it. When you watch programmes of people in all crazy parts of the world doing crazy things, I think, am I missing out?! There has got to be more then this....

I am now begining to understand why you get workaholics (who I used to think were v. sad people).. they just want to bury themselves in their work which gives them purpose.

I also think it is is not too late to change things, but honestly, I don't know how or what to change to.

Posted by Cheesypeasplease (155 days ago)

It reminds me of that film with Kevin Spacey? American something... where he gets a job in MacDs to avoid responsibility.

HK has a lot of very superficial relationships. If you lived in a small town in rural north england, you would know everyone, and nothing would change. The post man would be the same, the milkman, the publican etc etc. Its a price you pay in HK.

This problem is not just in Hong Kong. Kurt Cobain topped himself in his late twenties and he supposedly had everything (I'm not making a direct comparison but food for thought)

Posted by andyny (155 days ago)

a little off the subject, but one thing that a person can do here when they're in a rut but don't want to or can't afford the time/money for a real vacation is to hop over to Shenzhen.

My wife and I do it about once a month and we bring anyone who wants to go. We stay at some absolutely fabulous massage places that have everything!! From Cinema, gym to restaurant and recreation rooms. We stay there overnight, live like royalty and the whole bill can be as cheap as 200rmb each (depending on what you do). Extremely safe, family friendly and nothing dodgy at all about it.

Again, it doesn't have much to do directly with your problem but I can see you've gotten yourself into a rut like I have done before and this is a great way to just break away, relax and regroup without breaking the bank.

We usually go to Carnival and sometimes Gold Coast.

Posted by cara (155 days ago)

andyny....

would you mind PMing me more details of the places that you go that you can spend the night? and if you can remember, various prices?

thanks so much!

Posted by axptguy38 (155 days ago)

I will concur that the OP is not alone. Life is not all ups. There are some deep ruts. What helps me is to remind myself to savor the little things, the everyday pleasures and triumphs, as well as the big stuff.

"It reminds me of that film with Kevin Spacey? American something... where he gets a job in MacDs to avoid responsibility."

That would be American Beauty.

Posted by cookie09 (155 days ago)

mid-30s and in this situation?

do a fulltime mba and your whole life will get a jolt! not because of the academics, but because of the many interesting and different people you will meet over 1-2 years of doing a fulltime mba

Posted by woods99 (154 days ago)

I joined Union Church, some of the people there are transient of course (but I met some really interesting people over the years, especially from the American Embassy) but there are quite a few long-term Hong Kong people. There are opportunities for voluntary work, which will provide lots of goodwill for you, from others, and give you reasons to enjoy your life.

Posted by Norman Bates (154 days ago)

Hanging out with a gang and having drinks with your 'mates' is something people do in their teens, 20's and early 30s. Then they grow up. The 'group' is replaced by a 'partner'/ family and maybe a few close friends for social purposes. It is quite unrealistic to think that other people want to hang out with you when you are aging and when they have heard all your stories. And when you are 40 nobody at age 27 is dying to be your 'mate', let's be honest. Not much left for you but to become a lonely drinker.

Posted by ken (154 days ago)

Boating (as mentioned above) and sailing are good venues to find some good commorodity also by joining up with a Hash.

Posted by Ringo23 (154 days ago)

OP - I commiserate. I'm in my late 30's, single, physically exciting and demanding job, own company, expat with PR.
However, I've just spent the past two years, and still ongoing, either in bed or the hospital.
I blew a disc in my spine and it won't be fixed.
Bent double, couldn't walk, more pain than you can shake a stick at. Truly sucks.
Surgery last April which was partially successful but 3 months after surgery, the problem recurred.
I'm now back at a stage where just walking is extremely painful. Forget the climbing, kayaking, hiking, sex, life that I used to have. It's gone.

So...cliche from hell, but chin up, stiff upper lip, old boy and keep soldiering on.
Life is a great place to be but it ain't easy. Nothing good and worthwhile ever is.

Next time you stand up and it doesn't take you ten minutes of cursing, grunting and pill popping...just be thankful and send some good vibes my way... ;-)

Posted by philvirg (154 days ago)

Do you do the job you really want to do ? any dream about doing something you feel useful and complete ? why not doing a training beside your job, or take a year break to do the things you can do because you are still young and healthy ? Just don't wait the day when you will think... "I should have".

Andyny... I would be interested too in getting some details about your plans :)

Posted by Observer (154 days ago)

Your post is very interesting and made me think hard about my own life.

Each person is of course different, but for what it's worth, here are my own views: I seem to have fewer and fewer real friends each year, since - as previous posters have said - people move away and life goes on. At the same time, I notice that as we get older we seems to have less energy to devote to friendships, it is as if we have found our destination point in life.

In my mid thirties (I am 52 now) I left the UK, where I had lived and worked all my life and had a lot of really good friends and went to live and work in France. I can tell you now that none of these wonderful friendships in the UK survived the move to France, since inevitably people drift apart. In France I went through the same process as in the UK, finding friends and getting to know them better, but to be honest I think that at a certain age you have seen and done everything and so your needs change. I should also mention that before and after moving to France I travelled a lot for work and so was always a bit disconnected from the daily social life, even if I had friends, on a superficial level, all over the world.

While I was in France I spent a lot of time in Asia, where I met my wife (she is from HK) and now I live here. In terms of numbers, I have never had fewer real friends, but my quality of life has never been better (in case you think that this is still a "honeymoon phase", we have been together for 12 years now !).

My own feeling is that each of us finds a point in life where we realise that we have found what we are looking for.....it may be that you need a further move (professionally or geographically) to "find yourself", since personally I now am satisfied with (in terms of numbers) very very few friends.
Best of luck to you.

Posted by AaliyahM (154 days ago)

I'm in my thirties and I have the same problem as well.

I have a lot of friends back home but over here, it is different.

Most of the friends I've made here are "casual" friends. I too have fewer and fewer "real" friends each year.

There are lots of reasons for this:-
- Expats come and go
- People are too busy here
- Those who have been here for a long time (esp. those in their thirties or orlder) already have their own circle of friends that they are comfortable with
- You meet people from all walks of life here so sometimes it is hard to find one that you think you can get along with (eg. background, beliefs, values, culture etc are different). Well, we are less tolerant of others and they are less tolerant of us as well.
- We expect too much of friendships. We want them to replace our families who aren't here or we want quick results when friendships take time to build. These set us up for disappointments.

I get around it by telling myself that I have my family here - my husband and children and the very, very few close friends that I can talk to. When I say "close", I don't mean the closeness I used to share with my friends back home where I could pick up the phone and chat about anything. Just close enough to have selective heart-to-heart chats at those rare occasions I need to talk to someone. And I tell myself that nobody is going to care whether I have 1 "real" friend or 20. The only person who is giving me such pressure is myself.

Even with my close friends back home, we've all moved on as well. We share a bond in that we used to be very close and they make an effort to meet me whenever I go back, but the friendship is at a different level because we don't meet/talk as much.

My feeling is that we should just be contented with what we have, be more accepting of others so we can embrace new friendships if we find them but don't pressure ourselves if we don't find them. Friends come and go in and out of our lives. Good luck.

Posted by Norman Bates (154 days ago)

For those of you who are getting on I suggest that you find yourself a local or 2, a place where you can walk in at anytime, where people know your name, where they are glad you came and where you meet the same crowd. Eventually friendships of some sort will form.

Posted by carmine (154 days ago)

why not be open and make local friends, I met some local guys back in 2002 on a vacation here and we still hangout regularly. However, all 4 them of them are still single...that might explains it. But regardless, locals can be very good friends once you get to know them and they most likely will not leave. However, they tend to be more private at first and you have to really know them and gain their trust before they finally open up..then you have a friend for life.

Posted by cara (154 days ago)

"For those of you who are getting on I suggest that you find yourself a local or 2, a place where you can walk in at anytime, where people know your name, where they are glad you came and where you meet the same crowd. Eventually friendships of some sort will form."


oh, you mean....

" Making your way in the world today
Takes everything you’ve got
Taking a break from all your worries
Sure would help a lot
Wouldn’t you like to get away....
sometimes you wanna go
where everybody knows your name
and they're always glad you came
you wanna be where you can see
our troubles are all the same
you wanna be where
everybody knows your name..."

as for making friends with locals... I MARRIED one! not the same...

Posted by flashback (154 days ago)

Thehillsarealive: Do you have a close friend? Is there anyone you think you could call up and just hang out with and tell everything to? I think we all need someone like that. I've got a number of close friends in Hong Kong and overseas, but yes, it does take time to cultivate a friendship, but I've now got a range of friends that occupy different layers in my 'circles of trust'.

I think that what stands out from what you've written is that you said you've been pretty 'picky' over the years. I'm supposing this to mean that you've focused on a few and now they've left and perhaps their friends also. I suggest to you to rethink the idea of friendship. Consider your life as a huge slab. If you only support it with one pillar, then when that one leaves or crumbles, you're facing a fall. I suggest that not only do you consider widening your friendship circle, by including a range of people who you don't necessarily expect to be blood brothers with, but also developing other supports in your life, i.e. interests (which could be jazz, art etc.) and make a conscious effort to talk to people when you go to events to follow these things. I've met good friends in all sorts of ways... on the bus, looking for a house sharer (we didn't eventually share a place together, but have had a friendship of 12 years now), even on this site... I also have joined a number of communities, and go along to things that interest me, and study part-time. I've met a lot of cool people this way... people who share things that interest me.

I'd say a guy in his 30s who is doing what you're doing must be bored out of his brain... Remember, not everyone will be your bossum buddy, but you shouldn't expect them to be. You can have friends which you keep at various lengths. Don't abandon people if they do something you don't quite like or who've annoyed you in some way... give them time, and contract them again, or if they contact, be friendly, and forgiving. In short, see yourself as part of an intertwining network of close and looser associates, and with a range of things in your life to hold you up.

When you've got a lot more supports in your life, you don't notice it if one or two piles have to be redrilled. It's also important to always look up your old friends, everytime you go home, and keep in email contact every month or so, even if it's just to forward the occasional funny picture. Building friendships needs work, but it is invaluable.

As others have said above, going to the same restaurant or pub on a regular basis is also very good for you. I've got a number of restaurants and bars that I visit, and where people always treat me well. I make a point of learning everyone's name, leaving a reasonable tip, and being friendly no matter what. Over the years, those connections have been very important.

Take no one in your life for granted... not even the barista at the coffee shop.

You'll be surprised how much this can open up your life.

Posted by Thehillsarealive (154 days ago)

Wow, a lot of replies since I last posted. Thanks everyone for taking the time. I actually agree with most of what is said. I especially agree with flashback. I think as you get older you have to make more effort. I see it as what you put in you get out. I just never needed to try before. Most of my friends are people I've known for at least 5 years. My best friend nearly 20. It seems like the pipeline of new good friends has slowed down and the drop off rate has remained the same (ie people leaving, growing apart, settling down etc). As I say, most the recent friends (say in the last 5 years) have been people I met through work. That has now leveled off because of the job I have. I was keen to know if this is my own 'doing' ie I just deep down inside cannot be bothered with entertaining a big social life. Or is it a question have I been lazy, my environment has changed and I should pull my finger out. IF it is the latter, I suppose how does one meet someone enough times to become a good mate- which there are some good ideas here. Thanks again.

Posted by flashback (154 days ago)

I'm glad to hear you've got a few friends here. That's important. What are your interests? If you were to think about what things bring you joy and genuine pleasure, what would they be? It's absolutely vital that you can spend some time to think about that, as these are the things that will pull you out of a rut, depression or black mood when you need that. Life is long, and you need to be able to identify those things that you really really like to do or have always really wanted to try... i.e. singing lessons, or diving. I am sure when you think about it, something will come up... even if you have to think back to high school.

Posted by ejc317 (153 days ago)

I feel the same way - its just hard to make real friends in this world - and HK's too transient

Posted by Ringo23 (153 days ago)

HK is transient for Westerners, the locals tend to stick around...

My business partner is local and I'm proud to call him one of my closest friends.
I'm also extremely lucky to call him friend since he and the company have supported me through this 2 yr period of ill health.

Be open to friendship. Don't set demographics to choose your friends from.

Posted by hkbubble (153 days ago)

a bit of waffle for the group.....

Sounds like a few in here have some common ground.

Not necessarily wanting to point out the elephant in the corner......but no one has put forward the idea of a meet. Sign of the times? The safety blanket of the internet chat room I guess. Interaction without commitment. The ultimate in socialisation control.

Question...is having the comfort of disconnection at ones choice, controlling the depth of interaction, being selective without social rebuke the real story? The quandaries of modern socialising.

Here we are communicating, interacting, socialising, but in a way that we can have ultimate control on when and more importantly how much we give to the 'social group'.

No one has to be the last picked in an internet chat room. Relationships are truly transient. Sure, it has opened up some to more interaction, but has it also changed how people socialise? This connection without connection has had to have made a difference to how people seek friendships and also what people seek out of friendships outside of this medium. What of another example- how many TXT rather than call?

Fair to say the 30 something band have lived through a period of large changes in how we interact, from as a child, thinking back, how we made friends, which therefore may have led to enduring relationships, to now with the various communications advances, working life, life experiences, the opportunities to find new similar relationships may in fact be more limited - but is that due to our inability to keep up with the times?


Anyway, just a pebble for the pond.

Posted by flashback (153 days ago)

Well... HKBubble... I understand where you're coming from but I don't just think you're wrong. I know you are. Just because people don't post a public request to meet, doesn't mean they don't meet. I have developed a number of actual friendships from this site, people have PM'ed me, and sometimes if I think I can genuinely help someone, I PM them, and make the effort to meet that person, and form a friendship with them, not because I personally need any more friends, but because I don't think it is reasonable to sit back and offer advice from a distance without putting my words into action. This is a conduit. I'm sure others are doing the same.

Posted by BonjourMyFriends (133 days ago)

I'm 24 and I already feel like this. I was starting to feel depressed for the exact reasons as you -- loneliness, repetition/routine, predictability. Due to some issues getting my recent work visa, I had to spend to months at home in the States in my little redneck town, traipsing through the forests, riding my boat through the rivers. Not a bad forced vacation. I lost ten pounds in a month and was the happiest I could remember. Granted, I know it's not feasible to just mess around without a job, but it was great. Then I got back to Hong Kong, back to my routine and back into my slow decline.

I think the only answer is that Hong Kong isn't the right place for me. Have you considered that as well?

Posted by shajw1 (133 days ago)

I can totally relate. Exactly the same story since coming to HK five years ago. Absolutely no idea what the answer is... Keep plugging away, I guess...

Posted by shotcaller (132 days ago)

"Then I got back to Hong Kong, back to my routine and back into my slow decline."

I can relate to this.

Posted by emma dilemma (132 days ago)

Life is way to easy in Hong Kong. We are too wealthy with too many things right at our fingertips. If you want to make friends, real friends and add meaning to your life then start volunteering and helping those who are not having such an easy time. Challenge yourself - try a day helping out at a home for disabled kids. Or if you dont handle kids that well - try the adults. Teaching English to mainland Chinese university students (PM me if you are interested in doing that). Working with the homless and social outcasts in Mong Kok. The elderly who just love to have someone come and listen to them. Mothers choice - where young girls need support as they have kids that their families dont approve of.

If you are after a real adventure - do a volunteer holiday in the Phillipines or Cambodia to an orphanage. You will never be the same again - in a good way. You will be a better person for life and never sit back and be bored with your life as you will see just how much YOU are needed in the world by others.

There are so many ways you can help. Dont just tick off your list "house, car, job, girlfriend, holidays" etc. We were made to live in a community and help each other. Your loneliness is a sign that you are not a part of a community.

Posted by p.mason (132 days ago)

When I first moved to HK twenty months ago I knew not one single person. And I didn't move for a job, either, so I had no work colleagues. But I did make an effort to get out and about. I started dancing salsa - great fun - and you don't have to be a John Travolta to do it. There are salsa parties every night in HK. I soon got to know people - every time I go there are familiar faces and I soon made friends. I also found two fantastic bars in Peel Street - owned by the same people - one is an "artists' cafe" with a live jam session every Thursday. The other (directly opposite) is described as a music lounge. There is live music there every night. Both bars have a very loyal crowd of customers - and a great mix of westerners and Chinese. These bars are real "locals" and you would pretty soon meet up with nice people and enjoy the atmosphere and surroundings. Every time I go, there is someone I know to chat with. I had better not mention the names, but just walk along Hollywood Rd fromthe direction of LKF, go under the escalator and take second left. You cannot miss the bars. So now I have many friends and a great social life. I consider HK my home now.

Posted by rockchu2 (132 days ago)

I have a friend like you in this no end situation, but he quitted his job eventually and opened a restaurant in Lantau, he felt much better in this change. Not much money he makes but with a happy life again.

Posted by janes addiction (132 days ago)

so how about we all get together for a drink some night?

Posted by carmine (130 days ago)

I dont unsderstand why people move to HK and and start complaining. If you feel you are not happy here, then maybe seriously you should considering leaving.

Posted by shajw1 (130 days ago)

It's simple enough to say that, harder to do...I've considered it, but when you look at the economic turmoil in the world today and the number of jobs laid off every day, it's not so easy to give up steady employment and go start anew somewhere else - especially in your late thirties.

I don't think it's fair to label posters on this thread as "complainers"; the fact is a number of people have expressed a similar view, so to me that reflects a common problem rather than a whole bunch of people just whingeing.

Janes Addiction: getting together for a drink is a good idea. I hope some of the others would be up for it as well - it would certainly be a step towards addressing the issue instead of just discussing it!

Andyny: could I also please ask you to PM me the details of your Shenzhen trips?

Posted by jax0228 (130 days ago)

"I'm 24 and I already feel like this. I was starting to feel depressed for the exact reasons as you -- loneliness, repetition/routine, predictability."

I feel exactly the same way and I'm only 25. It's tough, sometimes you wonder why you even chose to leave everything you had back home. But i guess i take comfort in the fact that I am not alone in this especially here in Hong Kong, and meeting people who are in the same situation makes it a lot better. They may be transient companion, but in a way I'm thankful to have them as part of my life even just for a while. You take whatever gets you through the day, and hopefully it gives you enough will to face another day.

I've met several people from expat sites like this and I must say that together you make the routine life a little bit more bearable.

If some of you want to meet up that would be great. Cheers!

Posted by Cheesypeasplease (130 days ago)

Join the Hash runners, they are a nice bunch and very welcoming. You could sign up for one of the competition hikes and join a team. We have entered the Trailwalker in November http://www.oxfamtrailwalker.org.hk and MoonTrekker http://www.moontrekker.com/ in October... both great opportunities to meet people as you need to training walks and really fun. For both these events I didn't know my teamates previously. Now we hang out outside of training walks too.
You can change things, you just need to take control.

Posted by bob_the_builder (129 days ago)

Excuse the philosophical nature of the reply, but imo, the OP stumbles on the heart of the problem in his second post, when he asks “there has got to be more than this?”.

Society subliminally hardwires into our minds an image of success/happiness for every stage of our lives, making us continually chase it or feel a failure if we don’t keep up, or even if we think we’ve achieved something, we realise whatever it is we have or had, it’s fleeting and soon gone (or could go anytime), so we end up asking questions like the above. Basically, we get to a stage where we’re confused about how life should look from here on, because nothing seems to be missing, but yet so obviously is. Confusion to the extreme becomes depression or worse. I was there once, like so many others.

Personally things got much better through a better understanding of how we literally think ourselves into feeling the way we do. It really is nothing more than that. It’s all in the mind, as they say. How we feel follows our patterns of thought. In science, it’s about the relationship between left/right brain thinking. In spiritual circles, they might call it non-attachment or shifting consciousness or stuff like that.

It is not how life is right now that is the problem, for that is never the problem. It’s how we THINK our life is that is the problem. We perceive life through the filter of our minds by telling a story of how we think it is, and equally important, how it should be. Let’s take one concrete example: OP says he used to have lots of mates that drifted away, leaving him feeling lonely sometimes. In reality, having fewer friends is not a problem to anyone. It’s when we THINK our life would be better by having lots of friends, or our old friends back, that’s the very precise point at which we feel stressed and confused. It’s neither good nor bad to have as many or few friends as we do. That’s just how many friends we have. It’s neither good nor bad that my life is this way or that way right now, cos that’s just how it is. Only when mind intervenes to say that it would be better this way or that do problems begin.

Our minds are never at rest. Scientists say that tens of thousands of thoughts stream through our minds in just one day, weaving stories about this and that. Normally, we unconsciously buy into what our minds think. We identify with its contents. We think we control what we think but the reality is the very opposite – mind controls us. And that’s the problem. If we can come to see that this is the very problem, actually the basis of all our so-called problems, then we’re well on our way to a more peaceful existence.

Posted by jobin (128 days ago)

i have found that if i am only a 'consumer', life is misery, without much merit. nearly all of society wants us to 'consume, consume and ever more consume'. food, drink, ideas, clothing, entertianment, gadgets; the basic message being that endless and always changing consumption will bring you happiness, the goal of life is more things. the acceptance of this picture leads to deep loss of self fufillment. we are at the beck and call of others always. who am I? how can consumption answer this question? consumption cannot. so what can we do? one of life's greatest challenges is to find our own personal 'creation', the opposite of consumption. each person must search out, accept and embrace his/her own life not the venal ideas of society. where is your creation in life? there is the rub. it need not be a great thing, who can be a Gauguin or da vinci, or mozart, or einstein. for me and others here, some kind of physical work, like roadrunning, swimming goals, etc. is good. others like mental challenges. it's your life and your challenge. join the crowd!

Posted by Sellenger (128 days ago)

Not sure about da vinci. He was a biggest work a holic of all time.

Posted by axptguy38 (127 days ago)

Just watch out for falling branches. ;)

Posted by CaptDave (124 days ago)

Expats fall into two categories - come and gone, and the Hong Kong Belongers. If you have a large enough pool of "belonger" friends you will be OK in the long run, despite the odd death, etc.

Someone mentioned finding a local Pub. Good advice. In HK the FCC is one of the friendliest clubs around and serves that purpose for a lot of people.

You mentioned fitness - you might consider joining a Hash House Harriers group. There are several, they normally conduct weekly runs, followed by drinking and food. A great way to make some mates, always new people arriving, and keep fit (sort of).

Good Luck.

Posted by Louiseamanda (122 days ago)

Hello - i suggest don't over-analyse all this -everyone feels like this from time to time no matter what age. disregard any comment based on age. whilst not 'hobbies' but 'interests' certainly is a better/more natural way to meet different people, I find. not suggesting you go seriously down an evening class route (like many singles seem to in HK) but possibly one class (but only on a subject you are genuinely interested in) The others may not immediately seem people you might be friendly with -older/younger/different situations. but life is more interesting and contrary to some pre-conceptions, married/family people still have 'needs' outside their own immediate family and do like to know single people too! (as well as younger/older /different/quirky)
Variety is the spice of life! Good luck!