When he stops calling...

Posted by HG (470 days ago)

Though quite knowing the answer, reading opinions from others may give another perspective...

Knew this guy via the Internet... he would SMS me practically everyday which lasted some 3 weeks... we have never spoken over the phone though I did mention somehow... Last weekend, he asked me out & I agreed... I must say I had a good time. Even though he was not what I would have expected (quite a 'rough' person), I enjoyed his company, we laughed a lot while watching a comedy movie & during dinner together. Before I got off his car at my place, he asked I SMS him when I reached home... I did, thanked him & told it was a great night out... His reply said there was no need for thanks & I can give him a treat back the next time... 3 days passed, no SMS from him since...

Hence, it largely means he is NOT interested?

(I am based in Singapore)

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Posted by Woz's Pup (470 days ago)

It could be a lot of things, he might have lost his phone, been busy at work, he might not be interested.

You could try to SMS him one last time, and if he doesn't reply then you know his answer.

Is he not talking on the internet to you anymore?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by balzac (470 days ago)

3 days-not easy to tell. Why dont you text him and ask? Sometimes it pays to be upfront as it saves you a lot of trouble.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by whatever whatever (470 days ago)

ever heard of calling him ? i mean, he took you out, bought you dinner, drove you home, PERHAPS he is waiting to see if YOU are interested in HIM !!!! if you like him, call him. It works both ways you know

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by jwm (470 days ago)

I agree, call him, stop the "oh will HE call me questions". Pick up the phone and see what the deal is. You will be able to tell right away if there is any furthur interest. These ideas that women have that men have to initiate the follow up call are crazy. That's the way it was 50 years ago, but not in 2007.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by KitFaerie (470 days ago)

"His reply said there was no need for thanks & I can give him a treat back the next time."

Uh, honey...he's asking YOU to ask HIM out next time. It's your turn to invite him somewhere.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Arev (470 days ago)

Thanks, guys & gals, for your views, opinions, advice...
I summoned the courage to send him a message this morning and he replied almost instantly...
In my message, I wished him a good day & lunch... He said thanks, explained he was working the past 3 days and tired & asked me to enjoy my lunch too...
Hmmm... really don't know where this is going, just hopefully he didn't reply out of politeness or courtesy... You think???

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (470 days ago)

Ask him out for a drink or movie and then you'll know for sure, we aint mindreaders y'know?

*pssst, and by the way, you used a different handle*

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by jwm (470 days ago)

Bad advice, don't play games like Justin suggests. Does not sit well with men

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Woz's Pup (470 days ago)

Games are bad, but men also don't like women who are too easily obtainable. In my experience anyway. Men always seem to want what they can't have!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by hoyo (470 days ago)

no, that's more true for women than men.
Arev, you called once, that's it, don't call anymore. anyway, i don't want to discourage you but with the type of answer he gave you, i don't think he is interested in pursuing you.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (470 days ago)

jwm - did I say play games? If you notice the poster wrote initially under "HG" handle and then replied thanking everyone under "Arev" so hence me saying "pssst, and by the way you used a different handle" its what we call "another one bites the dust" or "an outing". She has outed one of her other handles.

Alls I said was call him and ask him out for a drink or a movie and that he's not a mind reader....sheesh.

Total crossed lines here today. First you think I didnt like your advise on the other thread when I wasnt criticizing and now you are saying I gave bad advice when I didnt say anything near what you think I did. Aiyah, timeout!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by helenahk (470 days ago)

This guy has an interesting track record---smsed you for three weeks before he asked you out and never bothered to call to talk prior to the meeting thought you suggested it? Humm...he sounds like someone who has trouble taking actoin (smsing is not real action).

Questions:
1) Are you sure he's single?
2) Did you offer to pay for anything on that date? If not, did he seem displeased by it--which you can tell by whether he picked up the check quickly without any hesitation.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by idingstay2 (470 days ago)

I don't think he interested either tho it could be something happened and he's preoccupied.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (470 days ago)

I think its a bit strange with the smsing too...why no calls, isnt that customary? Hmm...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Woz's Pup (470 days ago)

In England, most people send sms's. Not sure why, it's a thing we do. When I got to Hong Kong I was all confused by people using their phone to actually talk to me!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (470 days ago)

yep, its this new thing called communication! haha...I hate sms-ing...I only sms when I would rather not talk to someone coz I cant think of much else to say in a full on conversation...I suppose in that way it would be good. But I know people that break up, apologize and fight via sms...thats just nuts man!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by HG (470 days ago)

Hey all, read all your postings and appreciate every one... Just to clarify... happen to use the 2 handles but certainly no intention to "play games" here...

Anyway, every 1 is entitled to his / her opinions... I take each with an "open" heart... :)

In reply to helenahk's question, I offered to pay my share for the dinner but he declined, saying the next time I pick up the tab... Well, not exactly very interested to guess what's going on... if it comes, it comes... else guess I will forget the matter...

By the way, he does seem to have speech problem... not that he can't talk but not smooth... oh, how can I put it? Anyway...

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by secretgirl (467 days ago)

Not all men are the same. Some men hate women to play games. If a man really likes a woman then he would do what she likes and see her more often. It is not what some people thought 'men also don't like women who are too easily obtainable. In my experience anyway. Men always seem to want what they can't have!'

I think he did not feel you can be his g/f b/c some men do not like to hear 'Thanks.' from women. They felt it was kinda like biz when their women said thanks. Believe me - love contains arguement. He did not feel it so I think he is not interested or he was being polite when you went out with him but he considered you are not the type of women he wanted so he was trying to be a gentleman spent a night out with you.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by walkup (466 days ago)

HG...don't chase him...you know its against the rules!...its all probably a no-no now...us men are bastards and that's about it really ... BTW since he is 'rough' and you are 'smooth' he may be freaked out about playing in a higher league...and no doubt he is married to boot...............

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by HG (466 days ago)

Hey walkup, had a laugh at your posting... "... he is married to boot..."...
Yap, yap... it's against the rules and what nots, decided that it's just a passing game...

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by HG (463 days ago)

Hope Ed will not ban this... not exactly seeking opinions but 'venting' frustrations here...
After a few days of no message, told myself he's just a passing cloud... though I did wish there's something more...
Just this morning, he sent a SMS... never replied though... don't wish to play any games... What a player he is... go missing and then back... What he takes people for???

Why is it so hard to find someone true???

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by Pupalicious (463 days ago)

Keep trying! You have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by KitFaerie (463 days ago)

I'm going to go against the tide here.

HG, I think you've messed up.

When he dropped you off, he asked you to treat him next time, that means it's your turn to ask him out on a date. And all you did was text him, once! Luckily, the boy was keen enough to follow up on a whole lot of nothing from you and text you again!

It's 2007, and correct me if I'm wrong but I'm guessing your not a mind reader so why second guess his actions and tell yourself he's a bad guy before you know much about him, why don't you just ASK HIM OUT! Not just vaguely text him in the hope that he gets the message (when he's clearly previously told you it's your turn!) but ask the boy out.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by HG (444 days ago)

Hi KitFaerie,

I sent you a PM... Hope you have received it...

Just a few days ago, this guy sent me a SMS, saying he miss me...

How can I believe him when he didn't even ask me for a second date? Or is he waiting for me to make the move? I told him actions speak louder than words...

I do like him... What should I do???

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by KitFaerie (444 days ago)

YAY!!!!

So you replied to his SMS with actions speak louder than words? Lol, that's a very clever thing to say, has he replied?

Sent you a PM

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by ZenithFlower (444 days ago)

I have always subscribed to the belief "You want me, come get me". But maybe that's why I'm still single. LOL. I have spoken to a couple of guys about this, and with the exception of one (someone which I think has a problem with self-esteem), all agreed that they wouldn't like to be chased. If they liked someone, they would do the "Chasing".

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by HG (443 days ago)

He insisted he misses me and also asked if I had not... Though I do, I refused an answer to him, merely saying we needed to know each other better... He agreed...

ZenithFlower's reply sets me to wonder is it because I was the one who "approached" him over the Internet and as what many still feel... guys don't quite cherish gals who initiate the getting-to-know each other, that's why he is not taking much action to-date??? Sigh!!!

But then again, isn't that unfair??? Does it mean gals have to sit & wait to be "chosen"???

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by ZenithFlower (443 days ago)

HG, I think its ok to approach a guy over the internet first. So in a way, we gals don't need to sit around to be "chosen". You have already indicated your interest by choosing him. After the first meeting, I always tend to lay low (of course I will indicate my interest by saying I had fun) and 99% of the time, they will initiate a 2nd, 3rd or 4th meeting, etc..... I do not feel comfortable intiating a meeting in an early stage. Its different when I am a relationship though, as I would also make the effort to plan and ask him along.

Maybe its just my experience that the 1 or 2 that I have made the first move on backfired. LOL! But I guess to each its own.

By the way, did he ask you out again when he asked if you missed him?

(I am based in Singapore)