ladies, ladies, ladies

Posted by bandiet (420 days ago)

I read you nattering on about how the men in HK are sick bastards and fail to meet your lofty standards. Isn’t it time to get real? Consider the following.
Let’s assume you are, oh I don’t know, 29 years old and want a Western boyfriend. With all the frills, must be succesfull, sincere, caring, well groomed., a good lover, not too encumbered, handsome etc etc. Oh yes, and at least committed to the idea of trying to be faithful (you ladies seem big on that).
OK according to the SCMP there are 71,000 expats in Hong Kong.
The man in your life has to be western remember, so that excludes Indians and Pakistanis and Sri Lankans etc. so hard to think there are more than 50,000 and change left.
Let’s say 20.000 are men. Which means at most 7,000 are in your age bracket (say 30 – 37). Of these I daresay not more than 1 in 3 can be single – 2.300. Now, I don’t know ladies, I’, no expert but let’s say one in four is handsome and sexy – so call it 600. Of the 600, how many would be successful – earn more than say 60,000? Maybe 60 per cent?
Okay so we left with 360 men. Hmmm 360 single, handsome men in their 30s – how many would be gay? I’d guess at least a third – 240 left. How many would be too dumb to even make a reasonable pretence of being faithful? I gotta figure one in 10, oh lets say one in 12 – so there are 220 left. Now help me out ladies, how many men are dud lovers, or at least not up to your high standards? Lets say one in 11 – 200 left. Now remember, those left are men in their 30s, successful, good lovers ( in the sence that the only one bloke in 11 is worse than them) and handsome ( well more andsome the the other three blokes in their golf foursome) . So they are inherently suspect, cos they have been unable to find a girlfriend. From this 200 we must subtract the alcoholic, the workaholic, the bastards, the hopelessly self[-absporbed and charmless, the dirty, the perverted. The cokeheads, the mummy’s boys etc etc. Its gotta be more than half – say 80 left. Oh, and the rampant playboys and players and Wanchai whore chasers – this is Asia so the number will be quite high. Let say that takes care of, I don’t know but I’d doubt there are more than 20 left (we are, after all, getting to the dregs). Of the 20 how many are “nice guys”, the sort of guys you really want so share your life with, who will be kind to your mum and run you a bath when you’re feeling down? Oh let’s day half cos u realize u in no position to be choosy – 10. How many of the 10 are witty, charming, amusing, kind., considerate etc? Let’s be kind and considerate and say one in 3 – 3. So what makes you so special these THREE rara avis would give you a second look?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by flashback (420 days ago)

Thanks for the statistical breakdown, Bandiet. I at least know the situation is grim for articulate and ethical women. I am sure most ladies here do too. I'm surprised that you have found three...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by fennel (420 days ago)

Wow! So you are saying that most men in Hong Kong are losers? Is that including you?
Well, I must be very very lucky then because I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong.
What makes you think that western women are only interested in white guys? I get plenty of attention from Asian guys.....(Hong Kong is not just for the men you know) and I have been out with Asian men, they are human beings like you white men, so why do you seem to think that western women are only interested in the white dregs that come to Hong Kong. If we are that bothered we would go back to our home country and pick from the best of the bunch and stay there.
Men may seem more popular over here.....but guess what? There are no poor white men in Hong Kong, you won't find white garbage men and bus drivers in Hong Kong. If white men were really that popular with the ladies then there would be a mass migration to the west.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by jwm (420 days ago)

I think if those looking for quality mates would spend less time on here debating why there is not quality mates in HK and more time looking for a mate, they might find they are much happier

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by meattwoveg (420 days ago)

hey ... you leave the bus drivers out of this!! stuck up snob!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by dont know why (420 days ago)

Well, judging from your bitter tone, it is clear that you dont consider yourself to be one of the last standing 20. Oh I dont know. I dont mind the alcoholics, the workaholics, the players, the self-absorbed and the bastards as long as they are functionally so and can skillfully disguise their evil doings.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by wakatipuqt (420 days ago)

thank-god there are only three of them...they sound a tad on the boring side to me...respect to hong kong for having plenty of good, solid dysfunctional men out there to keep this board interesting :)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by notyou (420 days ago)

bandiet, what is your background? do you find women in HK don't give you enough attention because you aren't a Westerner or you aren't wealthy enough? I'm a western woman and I don't know if it's true, but I think our men are more like ourselves in that they tend to have similar values and upbringings, so for some, that makes it easier to find common ground. I also think they can be more sensitive,faithful and more realistic (or less consumed with superstitions and family obligations than the local Asian men, but that's just a generalization and I could be wrong.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pumpkin (419 days ago)

Bandiet...what's the matter. Couldn't afford a new LV bag for your kittyfriend every month?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by wakatipuqt (419 days ago)

if bandiet is chinese, he sounds pretty 'realistic' to me but obviously notyou... what leads you to believe he is chinese? sounds like an english guy to me...or maybe english chinese? then he would be beatin the ladies off with a stick...those guys are the best of both worlds :) and assuming he is bitter because of money highlights something that i dont believe is true...that all western women are money-hungry and superficial...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pumpkin (419 days ago)

Thats why I think he is a western bloke with a bad experience of Chinese girlfriends.

Western women couldn't give a damn about $$ - they don't have to pay their families off.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Blood Diamond (419 days ago)

boy, bandiet sounds really bitter?\. unsuccessful with the ladies, perhaps? I don't know what is it about guys, including Western or Western-bred ones who take great pleasure in painting a "grim" picture for ladies. Have met a few who either said "I pity the ladies in Singapore becoz of the lack of quality men" and "A man doesn't have to fear being unwanted because he could always fall back on a mail-order bride". Both are non-locals.

I find that its a "scare" tactic to try to get us girls to "settle" for them, since its technically so "difficult" to get a good mate.

Men like that just makes me want to laugh. Silly. Silly. Insecure. Insecure.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by flashback (419 days ago)

Blood Diamond, your point is right on. I've had guys say to me that they 'have more options' blah blah blah... but then, why do they keep wanting to date me (us)... Just another variation on the 'barefoot and pregnant' concept or immobilise 'em through insecurity... 'You'll never get anyone else as good as me..'

Yes... don't listen to that rubbish...

The truth is, when I look back on it, I've dated some great and some not so great guys, but in the end they just weren't right FOR ME...no spark, or too emotionally crippled etc..

A person may be 'perfect' according to an aesthetic or financial social standard, but do nothing for me. I mean... I like Brad Pitt as an actor, but he leaves me cold for some reason... If I'm to be honest, I've only felt that 'real spark' about four times in my life. The last time really surprised me, as it was for a Chinese man, and I am just not attracted to them usually.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (partly perpetual) (419 days ago)

Indeed... and we all need that divine however fleeting spark...

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by momo8.. (419 days ago)

Just watch out it doesn't end up being just a flash in the pan 8).

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (partly perpetual) (419 days ago)

Or a flasher sans pants lurking in the pantry...

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by flashback (419 days ago)

.... Or an aging mumma beggin' for her suppa'

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by bandiet (419 days ago)

ladies, ladies, ladies .... sheesh, don't shoot the messenger. I'm sure among all the white dregs that come to Hong Kong (according to Fennel) theres someone worthy of your attention. One thing puzzles me tho, howcome the men who come here are dregs, but the women aren't?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Tidings 2 (419 days ago)

I think the "dregs" are 50/50 on the male/female issue.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by bandiet (419 days ago)

You would think they would be about 50/50 wouldn't you. So seeing as so many men here are such dregs, there should be no shortage of scuzzy western women. Perhaps its like a rude little secret -- they don't get mentioned much on these posts

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (419 days ago)

Shesssh Bandiet... tell someone who cares...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by uk2hk (413 days ago)

quite frankly, I'd just like to go on a date!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by selda (413 days ago)

oh so much doom and gloom here...my experience tells me otherwise. Found a HK husband in HK, gorgeous and 8 years younger than me. Didn't work out, but not that many marriages make it past the seventh year anyway...so i wouldn't think of it as a HK problem.

Met a lot of cool guys, the sheer variety of men here is mind-blowing. Met a few players, but if you are not desperate for a bf, they can be fun to hang out with, if you are on the same page. Then you move on, go for another kind of man, less dazzling. Again, no short supply of decent, but not so charming guys. But i can't get too excited about this type, so i decided, better alone than with a bore. I know what is out there...and it's definitely better than let's say a small town or some suburb in Europe. Of course, Paris, London, Moscow and Berlin might offer better choice, but hey, the weather sucks there!

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by My Hong Kong (411 days ago)

I agree with you Selda, but the problem for me was that I fell in love with the players. :) They have such a captivating energy. Yet it goes nowhere with them and it's hard to deal with the emotional consequence.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by meltdawn (411 days ago)

are HK chinese guys interested in western women? i seem to get the vibe that they aren't. maybe it's because i'm over 30 and not a stick figure like so many trendy HK girls? i'm a casual person, not into the LKF thing... are there single HK chinese guys like that? where the heck do they hang out???

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by selda (411 days ago)

Men are men. I wouldn't put HK men in a different category. Some are attracted to a particular body type, some aren't. I see mixed couples, and the Caucasian women range from very thin to large.
Find similar interest groups and start to mingle with like-minded Chinese men. I don't know what works, and where these men hang out, in my case was love at first sight, and he was a student of mine. I met other men through online dating, but never in LKF. I normally flee when one of these LKF men approach me as i can sense it's not me they are interested in... the availability of women, the alcohol, the setting make them bold....and they could be bold with anyone willing to talk to them. I need a less charged environment.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by flashback (411 days ago)

Yes, Selda, agree totally with your comments, and also My Hong Kong's. I've dated Chinese men before. The last one I met at a seminar, exchanged cards etc... There are Chinese men who are interested in western women, particular C men who have been educated or lived abroad...

Yes, avoid meeting men in situations like selda said... If you meet anyone in that setting, it's invariably very risky, and as she said, they are usually there looking for a particular thing... and not looking to meet the real you.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Sapphire (411 days ago)

Well, I work with two western women, both married to HK Chinese guys ... neither of them are stick thin beauties ... just normal, average, western women. So I guess you can't really generalise and say that local guys aren't interested in western women, because some of them obviously are. I reckon there's someone out there for everyone ... you just need to find the right one.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by ellascott (411 days ago)

Nattering you say?? People that come to forums like this are having a hard time in their relationships and so seek advise... We don't make up the whole population in Hong Kong.. There are plenty of Western/Asian women out there who have lovely husbands/boyfriends who are perfectly happy.. I have many male friends who are great husbands.. Yes there are temptations here in Hong Kong that you don't find back home (well more in the open) and so here we are writing our sad stories for all to see. Don't take it personally..

(I am based in Hong Kong)