frequency - sex

Posted by 45828s (444 days ago)

How many times do you have sex with your partner? BF? Hudsband?

We've been together for 8 months. I have a very stressful job + long hours. Lately, we only "cuddle" and watch DVD, we only have sex once a week and mostly on weekend...

is that normal?

(I am based in Shanghai)

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Posted by Jack Thelad (444 days ago)

i would say its not normal. Normality to me is every day, but then i guess it does depend on how much sex you ever had in the first place

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by HK1 (444 days ago)

Seems OK to me based on what little details you gave.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by justin credulous (444 days ago)

Depends on how stressless your job is too...Jack.

But yeah, its easy to get complacent. I would say once or twice a day would be nice...but to take breaks when it becomes routine and ho hum *drumming fingers on head board*.

Once a week is being lazy...light a fire under that bed of yours, homeslice! Lol.

If you accept the once a week its a totally inevitable slippery slope to the once a month or only on birthdays and public holidays!

(I am based in Iraq)

Posted by HK1 (444 days ago)

People have different needs and wants JC. My guess is this person works 12 to 14 hour days and when they get home, probally does not want to knock boots. I guess if They had no job and stress free life, two times a day might be psooible, huh, I would like that!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by justin credulous (444 days ago)

wouldnt everybody? Lol. Thing is, I guess the poster is lucky that his partner isnt complaining about it...but like I said...for now. Slippery slope into birthdays and public holidays! Lol

(I am based in Iraq)

Posted by Aijin (partially perpetual) (444 days ago)

But sex is the best way to relieve stress… and need not necessarily take that loooong… no excuses folk the more the merrier... mmm.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by notmeok (444 days ago)

45828s...I think that's not very much for a young couple 30ish, but is about normal for a married couple who've been together for 20 yrs and who have lots of kids climbing all over them.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Lucy C (444 days ago)

Ah yes, those were the days..try....together for 16yrs, married for 14, 4 small kids - sex 3-4 times a year!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by McAlpine (444 days ago)

once a week is perfectly 'normal'. lets not start a debate on normality , relationships work for different reasons , most people dont even get that 'once a week', let alone the dream figure of 1 or 2 a day. Relax and enjoy , if you want a mid week extra , just help yourself , im sure your partner can oblige with little effort.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by wakatipuqt (444 days ago)

the global average for 2006 was about 106 times a year...that's roughly 3 1/2 times a week...do you think oral sex counts as a half? or sex with oral 1 1/2? ;)

the Japanese had sex 48 times a year, the Greeks 164 times...Indians spent 13.2 minutes, Nigerians 24 minutes!

so what's normal? we are all individuals, we can't generalize or stereotype (otherwise i would be on next plane to Greece...or maybe Nigeria :) if you and your partner are satisfied with once a week (it may be earth shattering and take a weeks recovery time!) then that's normal.

but if you aren't satisfied, you are amongst friends in Hong Kong, 32% aren't happy with their sex lives either...

if you live with your partner, can't you just wake up 13.2 minutes earlier?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by 45828s (444 days ago)

he's one of those rare one who doesn't like to be woken up by a blow job. His excuse - low blood level. whatever. and I am at my horniest in the morning.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Peet (444 days ago)

Just tell him that breakfast is your most important meal of the day........did I say that?

(I am based in Tokyo)

Posted by wakatipuqt (444 days ago)

well low-energy levels are also a problem in the morning...demand that protein shake :)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by McAlpine (444 days ago)

guys like being woke up like that ... just not by their wife

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by wakatipuqt (444 days ago)

spoken by a man with no imagination...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by justin credulous (444 days ago)

Increase the amount of L-argenine in his diet...or get him supplements. Do some research on that.

(I am based in Iraq)

Posted by zane1 (443 days ago)

You get it as much as you want / need / desire. Talk to your BF about it. Honesty is the best policy. Too much is never (ever) enough.....

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by HK1 (443 days ago)

I am on # 4 this week, nice

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by justin credulous (443 days ago)

Now either you are a show off or you dont work much lol. With yourself doesnt count, mate.

Back to the OP - I suggest you work on increasing the level of L Argenine in his diet...apparently it is supposed to help with sexual health and energy. A big bowl of oatmeal with brekkie...wheat bread sandwiches? and nice roast chicken for dinner....tell him to cut back on sugar and stimulants.

(I am based in Iraq)

Posted by tencentqq (443 days ago)

we usually 4~5 times per week(2~3 times on w/e)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by cd (443 days ago)

I had this conversation several weeks ago with some frinds, the average was 2, several were less than that. It depends on how many kids, how often the husband was away etc. But honestly there is no norm, some people are happy with every day, some are happy with once a month.if you're both happy with once a week then thats fine. Problems only arise if one partners not happy.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by 45828s (443 days ago)

I am very happy with the cuddle and idle shirts ironing time I spend with him, but i feel that I am no longer desired sexually by him. It's a mixed feeling when he cuddles me at night and says goodnight with a kiss on forehead...i feel like his pet than girlfriend!

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by My Hong Kong (442 days ago)

Your observation is right, 45828s. You've been together for only 8 months...honestly, I would expect more sexual activity. Have you tried to take the initiative? Have you tried to talk to him? Have you ever told him that you want more passion? Sex makes a woman feel like a woman, as much as it makes a man feel like a man. It’s an expression of love. It has an effect which is much beyond the physical aspect…which is nice on its own.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (442 days ago)

He's the one with the problem. Not you. After only 8 months, you find that he is so cosy he just wants company. Some men are just not physical. It sounds like you have one of these types.

He's told you he has low blood flow, or something.. In other words, he has difficulty getting aroused.

You can try all sorts of stuff, sure, but do you want to be the one always making the initiative?

If after you take a holiday together or something, you find that this is 'the way things are', then you are going to have to reconcile yourself to it, or make a decision as to whether or not you want this kind of relationship.

Go over to the other threads and see what long term frustration can do to you.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by 008 (442 days ago)

Normal? How about no sex for 6 months. We have been together more than a year and half. A peck before sleep. U reckon thats a sign to think bout leaving?

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by My Hong Kong (442 days ago)

It's time to act...not to think! I am not saying you should be leaving, but you should definitely find out what is the reason for this sexless life. With the information in hand...you will be able to decide about your next move.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by 008 (442 days ago)

Well, MHK if that was meant for me, trying to find things out from men is like digging for roots in the dirt. Esp for matters like this where the information is oh so forthcoming....

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by 008 (442 days ago)

I think uh.. I just hit my limit. My other post probably says it all. Time to act...hit the road.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by 45828s (442 days ago)

I was extremely busy in Feb, and he was whining about not having time together and not enough sex life! I asked him what's his preference, and he said at least three times and the more the merrier.

But now!?

By the way, we did have sex last night, but i feel like I am performing an obligation instead of having fun.

Maybe it's something physical.....guess it's tiime to talk to him.

****does the fact that he's a pothead has anything to do with his performance in bedroom?

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by gatita_steph (442 days ago)

I jus reckon how serious my problem is then...
My bf and I used to hv sex once a day....after living togetgher, we only hv sex once/twice a month and tht drives me CRAZY! grrrr help

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by meattwoveg (442 days ago)

listen , you have sex as often as you want. Its quite simple , all this talk of leaving him cos u dont have sex more than once a week is just misleading nonsense. Grow up and learn to get from your man what you want. Its not about sex , its about asking and acting to get what you want. Most people in this forumn are just lieing about the frequency , or are in a short term relationahip based entirely on sex that wont make it till christmas.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by momo8.. (442 days ago)

Alcohol and marijihuana are depressants which affect sexual performance.If your guy is a "pot head" of course he can't get it up or even satisfy you,I think it is not only in the bedroom that's the problem but also in other areas of his life.
Seek some conselling for drug/alcohol dependency before (if it hasn't already) pot takes over his life and yours.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (442 days ago)

Hmmm... sex is a big issue.. but it's not everything, but if you are not being satisfied in a relationship ... well, ... just look at what people do.... meattoveg... we endured your angst and ... man... there you are 'eating out'... for all the world to know about except Miss Prissy...

If these two are not married and sex is this minimal and unsatisfying for her, then I would say it would be something to seriously think about. I was married a long time. Neither of us strayed... statistics do tell you a lot about interest level...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (442 days ago)

*SMH* yes, being a stoner will affect your performance if you are an overworked guy to begin with. Can affect libido too.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by meattwoveg (442 days ago)

there was no angst , and my "eating out" i will post to you as and if it happens. Also , never believe statistics , they are the tools of the Marketing Trade (look at Iraq statistics), be happy and vigilant with your sex life and make your own adjustments.
As you say "Its not everything".

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (442 days ago)

... some things are best left unsaid meatwoveg... I mean... too much information already...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Joe-GZ (442 days ago)

Uh... Global average = 106 times per year. Last time I counted a year had 52 weeks in it. 106/52 = 2 times a week with a weekend extra every once a quarter.

If you feel your bf/gf/sheep/whatever isn't having sex with you enough, take the lead. It works wonders. Or do something to set the mood. Or just enjoy it more when you get it. Just be happy to be with someone.

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by notmeok (442 days ago)

45828s...maybe you are not happy with someone who is not totally present mentally? a pothead would qualify. if he only wants you when he's smoking pot, that might also be a turnoff, or maybe you don't respect his choices or approach so much? does he spend too much money on pot? of course it would affect his approach. maybe in the morning he is too straight? also, if he is interested in having it 3x per week, maybe he could try to fit it in during the morning when it suits you too. how are the other areas of your relationship going?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by closetcase (429 days ago)

...

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by 45828s (429 days ago)

I found out why! I was using his computer last night and he forgot to logout his mail.

Apparently, he's having sex with another women. , who knows, maybe more than one!! Don't ask me how and why, their email exchange is very graphic.

I am so very pissed!!!

Now that I know I start to think about the late nights he had with his buddies (but coming home without smelling like beer & soccer)....

Can't stand his touch now.

Still haven't confront him, what should I do?

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by flashback (429 days ago)

Well... no need to run screaming from the house, or start throwing things.

Control yourself, and sit back for a while, and organise your next move.

Just what is your situation? Are you sharing expenses etc.? Can you leave pretty quickly if you need to? If I were you, and I didn't have the means to dash off just yet, just take your time and organise your exit. Avoid being close to him. Tell him you're going to the gym, then go to the gym, out with friends, or go flat-hunting.

He's a rat, but why compromise your own life when there's really no hurry... Seems like he'll hardly notice the sex and your touch is missing... So, don't panic, and treat everything as information that you needed to know.

He's just not a faithful man, and well, that's all one can say about it really... He's getting everything he wants, and not putting out. Take your time. Try not to get too emotional or to alarm him....

Oh... and I wouldn't try to fight back and try to keep this worm... Really, I am sure that in a few months, when you are in a new situation, you'll be so glad you're shot of him.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Bubas (429 days ago)

I am one of those who would tell you that there isn't any number which can be classified as "normal"..but me and my husband used to do it about 6 times a week..and since we are in HK and he got his new job..it went down to not more than 2 times a week...I would say it is not normal !!
Depends on your background with your boyfriend..

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by BloodDiamond (429 days ago)

"Normal" incorporates many variables, age, stress level, hormone level, to name a few. You posters having sex 6 time a week are in the minority and most likely still under 30 or close to it. Many folks in their 40's would be happy with 2 times per week.
Normal is what you and your partner agree on, not what "others" do

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by aloneforaday (428 days ago)

to the OP, seeing that he strayed. keep your cool and organized like flashback said. your best move would be to catch hoim unaware. he probably wont even blink when you tell him your moving out.

dont waste energy by feeling hurt or betrayed. keep hurt and betrayal level to a minimum. he's soooo not worth it girl!

as for frequency, it all depends to the level of fatigue of one or both parties.

as for me and hubbi, its quiet varied,sometimes itll be twice a day on weekends or if he's on holiday or 3x if he's really busy.

if i feel horny i usually tell him by sending him a sexy pic during the day if he's at work.

but i guess its different for each relationship.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by alk (428 days ago)

every other day... or when you feel it...

morning is a great time to have sex

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by car_lover (428 days ago)

once a week of sex is better then non at all

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by joeyclaris7 (427 days ago)

Normal? been with my bf for three Years! Never had sex... so yes yours is VERY EXTREMELY normal

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by ravii (427 days ago)

is that most of the people reply from Hk and wat is the ehthinicity, i find it very strange ......once a week........how u still keep on going....i mean either u r satisfying urself some place or ur wife for sure.....i am doing it atleast once a day missing only on some blue moons and still feel want more. and iam in a steady relation for 3 yrs now. pull up ur socks man.....

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by selda (427 days ago)

every day when i was married...yet the frequency didn't deter a man with a very high sex drive from straying. It all depends on your sex drive...once a day is ok with me...but he probably needed it twice a day ;-)

I can't stand sleeping in the same bed and not having sex, i'd rather sleep in another room if sex is not on his mind. Just too frustrating. Cuddles are not my thing.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Justin Credible (425 days ago)

Dump him.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by tigger (425 days ago)

im getting the best sex ever,few times/day..but not from my hub, but from another man..dont judge me,but does this mean dump my hub??like if im not happy being married anymore?is that a valid reason to dump him?

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by flashback (425 days ago)

tigger... why would you ask us if you should dump your husband if you are not happy being married anymore? You've basically already left the marriage, haven't you?... But you may find the guy whose been so keen to take your husband's breakfast, lunch and dessert while you are married, decidely uninterested when you are free... If your husband is keeping you, and you are being nice to someone else, well what responsibility does this man have to you? And how can you expect someone like that who is so into a married woman, to be loyal to you if you were his wife....? You've gotta think this through, girl...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (425 days ago)

>tigger - please dont read my advice to this poster as solid advice for yourself. We each hear what we want to hear and your situation is completely different to this woman here. There are lots of valid reasons to dump a man, but when you have children involved you better be damn sure you have a solid reason to dump your kids too.

Your children are your flesh and blood...this man, no matter how great a shag he is, one day he could run out on you...and then you would have dumped your kids for him.

Think long and hard about it.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by fruit (424 days ago)

i just got out a relationship for over 11 months.. with no sex.

reason being she felt it was : unhealthy. and icky..

she also had an menstral problem. where she would miss her period sometimes up to 60 days.

she blamed me for that issue. and declared she was preguant until medical said it was stress.

now i am single and without sex anyways.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by jwm (424 days ago)

How is it you had no sex in your relationship and she balmed you for being pregnant? Do you people think about what you post?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by aloneforaday (423 days ago)

to all men. incase you didnt know, women miss out on their periods for a lot of reasons. hormones,stress, and the obvious pregnancy.

to fruit: maybe that girl who blamed you for being pregnant believes in parthenogenesis. (im joking)

(I am based in Hong Kong)