seems not right

Posted by anada (402 days ago)

Hi,, I am a new mum and don’t have a job which is not a good thing, I have DH who mainly takes care of our baby so there’s no excuse for me not to have one ( Job ), and I am looking but somehow seems difficult, the thing that bother’s me is that sometimes when my husband and I talk from simple conversation about jobs it would always turn into a nasty argument… the question is.... Does he have all the the right to insult me all the time We can’t agree into in the end. And we end up shouting at each other. I feel like giving up most of the time really.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by Aijin (partially perpetual) (402 days ago)

simple questions?:

Why do you want a job so much?
and
Why do you not wish to care for your baby yourself?
and
What 'seems not right'?

Oh and no-one has all the the right to insult anyone all the time.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by cd (401 days ago)

Why don't you get your helper to clean the house, and you look after your baby. Take a few months out getting to know her/him and then maybe look for something part time.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (401 days ago)

CD is absolutely right. A baby isn't something to 'take care of' like a problem or a dog. A baby is a complex growing personality that requires more than food and sleep.

Give the DH the home duties, and you dedicate yourself to being a mother. Go to the library, learn something about human development and the awesome responsibility you have to provide mental stimulation, language, love and emotional development for another human being. You will then realise what a tremendous opportunity you have. Any other job you take will have considerably fewer rewards and long term benefits than the one right in your own home.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by HK1 (401 days ago)

Nobody, husband/wife or otherwise has the "right" to insult anyone. It is just poor behavior overall.

If you want a job, get one, don't wait for permission, you an adult and you have just as much rights as he does

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by anada (400 days ago)

PP- its crap not having a job, dont have any independence thats in my case anyway i got a lot of friends which doesnt have any job but seems alright but then i cant compare my situation to them, can i? when i say mainly taking care of my baby it doent mean im not doing anything at all i do take care of her but sometimes when things get bit difficult i pass her to DH.
the arguements that shouting seems not right everytime we talk about job. he want me to work thats for sure.
iam looking for a job now evryday though internet nothign comes out still- bummer

yah, the arguements and comes the insult, i thought its not fair but i dont say anything as he is the one working and providing all the needs and some wants that we have at home but i feel so hurt all the time his doing that.
and comes to the point , i need to have a job soon or i am leaving him of his behavoir or am i wrong.... im lost!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by GL (400 days ago)

Anada - I guess your hubby either has (at least) some financial pressure or wants you to be a working lady rather than a housewife. You need to tell him about your feeling when you two argue about this topic....

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by anada (400 days ago)

thnx all of u.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (400 days ago)

Yes, it is unkind of your husband to insult you. You are his wife and the mother of his child, and deserve respect and support. He needs to be told calmly and clearly that it is unacceptable, and yes, as GL says, you should tell him about your feelings when he does this.

If you are with someone who isn't treating you with respect, then I can see why you would worry about your independence, and would feel insecure and unhappy.

A job will come soon enough, I am sure, but that in itself won't solve the problem. You have seen how he treats you when you are vulnerable, and that needs to be resolved, otherwise you will feel resentful and angry. You ought not to be blamed and insulted for the problems you both have.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Nalz (397 days ago)

you have the world's most important job..you're taking care of your baby! you shouldn't feel less important because this particular job comes with no salary and few perks. i wonder if your hubby would like to switch places with you? don't think so.
you can always do something for a few hours a day, even if it's volunteer work. that way you contribute to society and have more interesting conversations with your hubby.when baby gets older you can start looking for a paying job.nothing feels quite as good as financial independence. and no, no one can insult you if you don't give them the right to.Chin up and good luck!

(I am based in Hong Kong)