I'm have an infatuation with one of my close colleagues, but we are both attached.

Posted by shinymint (85 days ago)

I am really frustrated with myself over this! I have a loving boyfriend of over 4 years of relationship and planning to get married soon after his degree studies. This close colleague of mine has a girlfriend too. I never felt like this before until these few weeks, that both of us are actually attracted to one another. We admitted to each other truthfully, but I think maybe part of us just wants to experience this excitement!I really have the temptation of getting involved as I feel that I shouldn't have let myself be tied down by my first-love boyfriend of mine. Yeah, I'm selfish but who doesn't? I still love my boyfriend and doesn't wish to jeopardise this r/s. Is there anything that I can get over this temptation?

(I am based in Singapore)

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Posted by woods99 (83 days ago)

There is a big difference between love and lust. Human beings are hard-wired to reproduce, and reproduction requires sex.

We are physically attracted to other people for very good evolutionary reasons. However, a good relationship is far more important, and leads to far greater long-term happiness, than short-terms sexual adventure.

Decide what you want out of life. Momentary thrills, or long-term happiness - you cannot have both.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by ribbons (83 days ago)

Moral and ethical issues aside (which are considerable) there's a well-known saying "never s**t in your own nest".

You are playing with fire, girl.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tigerbay (82 days ago)

Step one
Re-assess relationship with bf.
Is this LDR? LDRs often fail, this is normal.

Do you still love your bf? Think carefuly here, there is a big difference beween somebody we are used to and could live with, and somebody we cannot live without. Many younger couples stay together out of habit, and parents expectations.

How far into his studies is he. If at the begining then not too much damage if you end it.
He may be feeling the same itch.

You are now both living in different worlds, and you may grow in very different directions. By the time he finishes his studies he may be a different young man, and after a few years in the workplace you may be a very different woman. This can lead to differneces in expectations.

I am not saying dump your bf. I am saying examine if the relationship is sustatainable. If the answer is no, then you should both move on quickly.

Leave your colleage at work alone, he is probably just another symptom, but not necessarily the cure.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by foxmulder (82 days ago)

well said, tigerbay, couldn't agree more.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by wasabigizmobunny (74 days ago)

if you feel this way now it's bound to happen again after you get married. I say go for it and figure out what you really feel afterwards. IF it's just lust, make sure never to tell your BF.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by ribbons (70 days ago)

Taking another angle to this, why is it that some people have to keep introducing drama into their lives? Here is a woman/girl who says that she has found the one, and then she's off self-sabotaging the whole thing.

As an observer of human nature, I find it incomprehensible that people have to keep making their lives a roller-coaster ride. No chance of getting to any depth with someone who is constantly seeking the thrills and not the substance that has to be mined...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Loyd Grossman is Miss Venezuela (11 days ago)

Sounds like it is going to happen away. Sparks appear to be flying. Any updates? Have you cooled off?

(I am based in Hong Kong)