Holiday with the EX.....

Posted by emotions (54 days ago)

Is that good idea? Well, we split up 3mths ago, after being together for abt 2 yrs. Of which, 1yr was a LDR, but we do meet up every 2-3 mths for a 2-3 week holiday, and rest of the time we will be on the phone etc.

Recently, he messaged me and asked if i wld like to meet him for a holiday at a beach resort.

Shld i go? He did also say not to look so deep into it. Its a new country, and one place that i would like to visit. I would like to go, not to rekindle anything btwn us, but just for a summer fling and also have another country of my list of places to visit. Any advise will be greatly appreciated - from both males and females.. Thanks! :)

(I am based in Shanghai)

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Posted by Elodie (54 days ago)

Wellll, it's really up to you, innit? If you're (both) happy with a summer fling, then go for it! If you're going "as friends", then go for it, too!
Just make sure you're clear on what you've been offered: a summer fling, or a travel companion? Just don't go for a summer fling if you think he's trying to get back together with you.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by ribbons (54 days ago)

May I suggest you pick up the phone and talk to him about it? Or set a time when he can call you?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Connee (54 days ago)

Well you said you meet up every 2-3 months for a 2-3 week holiday so I can't really see the difference between past holidays and this pending one.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by kaileyb (54 days ago)

Surely you can find another "travel companion" that doesn't entail so much 2nd guessing and drama?! I'd say, if you have to ask yourself "what if this and that" and "are we or aren't we", then you shouldn't go. Cos if it was really so "over" and you're "just friends", you wouldn't have to fret about it. Find someone else to go with you.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by emotions (54 days ago)

Thanks for the replies.

From a guy's perspective, what wld be your reasons for inviting your ex to go on a holiday with you? given that for abt 2mths-ish, there were no contacts btwn us. and we didnt end the r/s on a nice or amicable note. I want to see him, maybe as a form of a possible closure btwn us. And maybe to try and see if things are really that bad that theres no turning bad to the point of not being able to stay as friends anymore.

I would like to know the possible 'consequences' that might happened after the trip. Do u guys reckon he is hoping for a rekindling? But given he told me not to look so deep into it, it seemed highly unlikely that he wants to rekindle anything. So the only thing top of my head, he wants me there just for sex.

I am torn btwn going or declining his invitation. Has anyone experienced this before? It wld be good to hear from anyone who has been in similar situations as me. Thanks ya'all!

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by flashback (54 days ago)

I'm sorry but this has 'disaster' written all over it.

You break up with someone under hostile conditions, and then consider meeting him (on the strength of a text message) for a holiday/sexcapade in a foreign country? Are you mad, woman? Sorry, I don't mean to be tough, but who in their right mind would put themselves in such a perilous or disadvantageous situation?

If you want reconciliation, do it on safe soil, or reconcile BEFORE you go. Don't go to a remote/unknown location with unclear expectations of what this is all going to be about. I agree with kaileyb that surely you can travel in a much less stressful situation.

Who knows what's on this man's mind?

It may just be sex, or boredom relief... In which case, do you want to totally lose your self-respect and be used in this way? Clearly, you want to resume the relationship. This is not the best way to go about doing that. All you would be doing is telling him you are vulnerable to be used for whatever he wants, whenever he wants it.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tigerbay (53 days ago)

Although this is your ex and not a new bf, there are parallels here.

I have heard horror stories of couples who have just met, who go on holiday together. It is a mistake, a total disaster, and both parties are stuck sharing a hotel room until the end of the scheduled holiday, when the flights are booked.

I does have the potential for disaster.

Phone him and see what he really wants and decide what you want. If you consider that you are two grown ups who want some adult fun then fine, but it has to be what you both want.
It could be he has got a two for one deal at the resort, so you can both enjoy a cheap holiday.
It could be he wants to rekindle the flame.

But as was suggested above. Call him and find out, and make sure you are 'both on the same page'.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Scutdog1 (30 days ago)

He wants to have sex with you. If you call him now, he may be honest (but will probably lie anyway). If you talk to him there, he will say whatever it takes to have sex. There is almost NO chance that he will get back with you.

If all you want is to have a fun couple of weeks with no strings attached or even implied, go with it. But considering that fact that you asked for advice, that's not you.

Stay away, he'll just break your heart.

(I am based in Unspecified)