Many women, not many men

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Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (259 days ago)

Agree wholeheartedly...I have never had a problem dating in HK...maybe it can be said that I dated problems or that I was a dating problem, but never really had a problem finding a date in HK. Sure some may have looked like Frankenstein but had a wonderful sense of humor and knew how to sniff a good wine...or maybe the odd one had super short arms that were disproportionate to the body they were attached to...but hey, somewhere in that pile of good first date efforts there were dates that made it past the hundred yard dash and were capable of brightening my life even if it were only for a handful of months, lol.

Thing is, I remember this gay friend of mine, this yoga instructor, very buff and all, and he was complaining about how he had become so bitter with the dating scene in HK and how he had his heart broken so many times by the fickle ways of men...and he was amazed at me how everytime I had a relationship end I just dusted myself off and went happily down the street into something new without detracting away from the future. You see, he became more and more guarded with each misstep whereas I just became more aware that not everything is meant to last forever, so I was still happy to be carefree and give as much into the next relationship opportunity.

Thats what we find out here though, many gals and guys who have been hurt go into the next opportunity giving less of themselves...its no wonder you will GET less in return. Over time, its a vicious cycle and it will only end up badly.

We cannot say that western gals (and really what do we mean by "western"??) should just bite the bullet and tap the local market! Pshh, being a woman dating an asian man is a lot different than being a man dating an asian woman. Attitudes towards women are wholly different. A lot of "asian" women date foreign men because they like being treated with a bit more respect or as equals...or maybe they believe that the "western" man is more romantic or whatever...whatever the deal is, its not as easy as it sounds to have women just pick a local as they please. We all know the kind of man or woman that attracts us, its like telling a vegetarian to just suck it up and eat chicken!

*shrug*

Awwww whatever. Its just not that easy, thats all...Still, by advising folks to quit being picky I mean, maybe you should give the guys who fit your basic requirements a go...they may not fit ALL your standards, but you never know until you date a few, and really, going out on dates is a good way to sharpen your people skills! Date, even if it comes to nothing, go out on a handful of blind dates a month..it will teach you to be human and communicate...and will also teach you about yourself and what is unique about you...Get on out there!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (255 days ago)

Well, look I think it is hard enough finding a good friend... The reality is that if it were only about numbers, it would be easy really, but it's not. A lot of people don't want a relationship, and go home quietly on the #10 bus to their cats or goldfish not in the least bit perturbed by hormones racing through their body demanding attention, so effectively out of the game. Not everyone is out there carousing the streets looking for the ideal partner... many people prefer a single life, and that is very rewarding. However, there are others who are actively engaging in social life in order to find a partner. I think it's really unlikely that people will find someone who is perfect for them, but highly likely they'll find someone desperate to entertain the idea for a while and perhaps kid themselves that you are their one and only until fundamental differences untangle the whole facade. It's well known that single people are often mostly in short term relationships, and that it's more usual than not for these to be over within three months. So, expect it.

I've been single for a long time, but have dated a lot of different men, and as JC says, each has brought an interesting dimension into my life... but settle down together we haven't, and I can honestly thank my lucky stars for that, as I really do think that it is important to find someone who is good for you, not someone who simply wants a relationship. And that is hard, or perhaps impossible... but shoot me for it, I couldn't bear the trade offs one would have to make for regular sex with someone one detested or didn't respect etc....

How many people do you know that you really connect with? How many of those do you feel you could have a sexual relationship with? How many of that nominate group do you think you could actually live with...? As the process narrows and refines, so do the number of the candidates... Often no one left... but you, and that could be the best thing.

I think you can meet a lot of men in Hong Kong. I certainly have... but I haven't met one who loved me the way I want to be loved. I understand Aijin's disgust at the cooking the breakfast and doing the laundry... Man, I'd be out of there too... While practical matters need to be attended to... that's hopefully not why we couple.

I genuinely believe we can't force these things. Be happy in yourself first... that is challenging enough. I certainly wouldn't couple with someone just because they were available and the numbers added up. It's not like that, and most of us know it.

Forget the numbers, keep your standards, and let whatever will be be... but stay active and interested in the game of life... however you play it.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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