HIV Lover

Posted by tk1600 (404 days ago)

If you find out that ur BF has HIV, will u walk away or leave him ....

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by flashback (404 days ago)

Is this a hypothetical question, or are you genuinely in this situation?

Much would depend on how one learned this news, and what community you live in, and if one has HIV status yourself. HIV status is more common than one may think. To not disclose it in a relationship is not just irresponsible but potentially criminal depending on the circumstances. There are many issues to this question that cannot be answered with a simple yes or no.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Alison Frew (404 days ago)

.........

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by cookie09 (404 days ago)

if the relationships is serious (i.e. leading up to marriage and has potential for a happy life) i would stay. if it's just a fling i would probably walk away.

it's also different if the person has aids and not just HIV. if aids has broken out, it can have serious implications on the life of the couple.

i have an uncle who is HIV positive and he and his partner are in a 15 year happy relationship. not a big issue for them except having to use protection always

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tk1600 (404 days ago)

I broke up with him on feb cuz he was cheating on me twice, then he text me last week that he wanna c me for ceffee and would like to get back together. Once I got his text, I was so happy cuz I really love him and miss him much. We met for coffee on sat, and he told me that he has HIV, which found out last week, I admint, I was very freaked out. I felt like my world had collapsed. I didn’t know what to say cuz I am afraid that I might have it. I did the test on Monday and I am fine, but I feel very sad that why he wanna get back together now, as he knew that he has hiv.

I do love him and miss him since we broke up, and I really want to get back together, but I know I shouldn’t do it.........

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by fatkid (403 days ago)

What? U wanna ppl to assure u that u shud get bk to a cheating, AIDS infected chump? Geez!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (403 days ago)

The issue here is that your boyfriend did not care enough about you to first stay faithful, and secondly, protect you from the potential consequences of his playing around by practising safe sex. This person is a danger not only to himself, but to any other woman or man that he is in contact with. He is a totally selfish person. You are very lucky to be free of him, as well as free of this illness. I understand that when a person is involved emotionally with someone, feelings often get in the way of rational decisions, and that you may feel conflicted over this, but this person must confront the consequences of his behaviour. You are not responsible for that. You should not take him back.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by foxmulder (403 days ago)

As is almost always the case, I find myself in total agreement with Flashback. They say that love (this short-lived chemical reaction in the brain) is blind. Well, it's time you opened your eyes, tk1600. This is a man who is prepared to screw around reckless of the risk of infecting his victims with HIV. Lucky you don't have it. But what about his other women? How would you feel if one of them suddenly turned up with AIDS? How would you feel about him if you did have HIV? Time to stop all this romantic nonsense about being in love. You are in love with your image of him. Look at him for what he really is. Forget him.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by cookie09 (403 days ago)

tk i don't want to scare you unnecessarily, but you might want to take another HIV test in about 3 months.

HIV tests may give a false negative result (showing negative while person is actually HIV positive) during the window period, an interval of three weeks to six months between the time of HIV infection and the production of measurable antibodies to HIV. Most people will develop measurable antibodies within 1-3 months after infection, but in very rare cases it can take up to 6 months.

What I am saying is that the chance that he (unknowingly) infected you is 0.000001% or lower after your negative result, but you should still do a second test to be 100% sure.

And of course you should not take back this guy because his behavior sounds rather reckless from the information you have provided.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chamaflauge (403 days ago)

You should take him back? What do you think? Me thinks its a stupid question, almost rhetorical. What's going on in that brain of yours? I thought Hong Kong women were supposed to be smart. Like the other guy said Geez! Don't leave him to rot and die but don't take him back either. Infact just to be super safe keep a considerable distance from him, stopping only to talk to him over the phone or online.

Friends not lovers

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Ali G (403 days ago)

you guys all seem to be falling in to the same bullshit trap of belieiving that this guy was aware of his hiv status all along and deliberately infected other people whlst not disclosing his status. How about cut him some slack and give him the benefit of the doubt , given the fact that none of you know the full facts ? Yes he cheated on his GF, and yes he sounds like a bit of a womaniser, but have any of you stopped to consider that he might actually be very genuine and that he did actually just find out his status recently, and its given him a huge body blow and now he realises that he loves this girl and wants her back ?

i for one wouldn;t take him back, but the reason would be cos of his cheating, not cos of his hiv

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Ausman (403 days ago)

Other than that, everyone jumps to a "conclusion" to quickly, if you study the subject, it is not so common for men to contract HIV from normal "hetrosexual" sex. So, maybe it has been contracted from intravenous drug use, or homosexual sex, both reasons more likely, I doubt to think anyone in this world sets out to contract this disease, but human nature is certainly quick to jump to conclusions and ridicule. Further to that, I am not condoning any of the above, but there is clearly feelings invloved.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (402 days ago)

Ali... I don't think anyone has jumped to that conclusion that he has willingly transmitted, but the rather obvious conclusion that he has been having unprotected sex with a range of people without caring about his own health nor the health of his girlfriend... this is reprehensible. Unprotected sex is - these days - best left with those in which one is in a monogamous relationship, which OP must have assumed she was in. Cut him some slack? What for? Being a fool? In this day and age? I'm sorry... Can't go for that.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by KennyL (401 days ago)

I dont even have to finish reading these posts. You are a fool to stay with him. He cheated on you when he knew you loved him, contracted AIDS and knows now no one will be with him but you. He made the biggest mistake in the realtionship by cheating on you, the ultimate disrespect and now wants to come back to you and wants you to make the ultiamte sacrifice. It's Ok to be sympathetic to him but move on with you life, you deserve much better. Tell him to go to hell.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by esoteric (401 days ago)

My friend's story....she fell in love with him first, he got sick a year later and found out it was HIV. She was tested and okay. She never considered leaving him, wanted to help him...they got p!ssed beyond belief one night and didn't use protection...she got HIV...another 6 months pass and he is having an affair. He says he needed to escape the guilt of giving her HIV. I nearly believe him. It is an awful tangled mess with no easy solutions. While I have some sympathy for your ex, please stay away. As to my friend, she feels totally unlovable now and will stay with the guy rather than be alone or chance giving HIV to someone new. It is a very serious situation you are contemplating for a man who already dumped you.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Butterfly Effect (400 days ago)

Every person has the capacity to change. Finding out that you have contracted HIV is certainly something that will change your life. Perhaps, he contacted you because he needed a friend. You can be a friend to him, and if he has truly changed, then you can forgive him.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Ahna (399 days ago)

If he was being honest with me, confessing it before we indulged in anything, like a true lover, I would certainly not hold a disease against him. Sure, HIV and AIDS does limit your life in many ways... but love is love. To withdraw from somebody, because they have a disease, is unacceptable. To withdraw, because the relationship is unhealthy, or because protection is not used, is alright to me. As long as the reason for a break is not the disease itself, it's fine.
I honestly, feel disgusted, to see all the reprehension associated with HIV and AIDS. People need to learnt their facts, and learn to love. I would take the risk - but protection is indispensable. If I still, unluckily, contracted it, and my boyfriend ran off 6 months later, I would of course, look upon it with regret, but knowing I made the correct choice at the time.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Hussar1812 (399 days ago)

This board is full of stupid hopeless romantics. Wake up, this is the real world. He CHEATED on her TWICE.....at least this is what she knows and what he owned up to.....Not ONCE....but twice before they broke up! He obviously did not care enough for her well being and health and regardless of how he contacted HIV was leading a reckless lifestyle. Love is nothing but a short term chemical reaction in the brain, wake up and smell the coffee. This guy is trash and a waste of space. People occasionally make mistakes and deserve second chances.........in this case that train has left the station a while ago.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by cara (399 days ago)

forgive him? sure... take him back??? are you INSANE? it only has very little to do witht he HIV and more to do with the double-dealing, lying dispicable excuse for a man that he is.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (399 days ago)

Yes... this has little to do with HIV, and more to do with absolute irresponsible behaviour.

Even so, as someone who has been bereaved after a long illness, and who knows quite a few others who have been in this situation, I do think those who make romantic statements about how illness won't matter blah blah blah ought to feel themselves lucky that they do not have to experience the reality. One is certainly not advocating abandoning the sick, but this person's illness in itself is no reason for him to lay claims on the life of someone else.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Butterfly Effect (399 days ago)

Um... I did not say take him back.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by KennyL (399 days ago)

The guy is not worth a minute more of your time nor ours. Simply he cheated on you and in the course of doing so contracted HIV. What more is there to say? What is the debate? Why go back to him after he cheated on you? For "love" when you are no sure it was there in the first place, you would let him kill you too? You dont owe himsh*t.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by peacefulworld (398 days ago)

Think about the people who always have loved you, not the one who says now he does.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by easyl (398 days ago)

get the counselling of a specialist , a doctor. now depending on how serious ur relationship is, if u guys are deep and in love, then u will not have to leave, but proceeed but this time with lot of care and medical help, leaving is just killing the other person,

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by veebabe (397 days ago)

To put it simply:

Guy with HIV: Selfish, a natural womanizer, wont stop to the end. mark my word. And preys on the dateless and the desperates.

Woman: Dateless and desperate.

Come to think of it. Its this simple. Lets stop any more analysis and let the woman do what she wants. Men only go by the flow as long as the woman wants. and if the woman wants, so will the man want to bed her more. She asked a question here bec she knows the right thing to do but her emotion is so caught up by her desperation.

And one thing is so obvious here. The woman loves the man while the ma just dont care at all. and it will continue to be this way especially when that woman take him back. Wanna bet?

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Valerie0906 (349 days ago)

since he cheated on u twice,id say leave him

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by ejecthunter (348 days ago)

is it possible to get infected from deep kissing? i am kinda freaked out now!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by cookie09 (348 days ago)

my opinion is 'no' except if you have an open wound in both of your mouths (which is a very very very small chance)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by bargoban (348 days ago)

Are you really..that desperate for affection TK? Can you NOT find a good man here? Are you really THAT lonely?

This is sad..no..this is pathetic. OF COURSE YOU LEAVE HIM!! HE CHEATED ON YOU!!!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by selda (346 days ago)

Oh dear, love really makes people insane.

This guy slept around without using a condom. Even if he didn't get infected with HIV, he could have caught a lot of other nasty STDs, chlamydia for example could scar your Fallopian tubes and leave you permanently infertile.
You should count yourself lucky that this guy is out of your life, and you are healthy and safe.
Hopefully he will learn from his mistakes, but there is no guarantee that he will.
He needs to find himself, come to terms with his illness, turn a new leaf and start dating women again only when he is ready to be in an exclusive, mature and committed relationship. It will take him a while to get there. He might find a new partner on a dating site for HIV positive people, which will make things easier, or someone who is willing to use a condom forever and have children through IVF.

It's far too early for him to be dating. He should focus on finding himself and respecting women. A womaniser is usually a very insecure person, who doesn't care much about the damage he does. Stay away.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (346 days ago)

One word answer: NO

We all think we know what the world is all about and oh, what "LOVE" is about and how it can overcome everything...gf, HIV is not a "risk for love" you want to take with someone who cheated on you TWICE (that you know of) already!

I mean...pshhh, the guy waits till he is handed a death sentence (albeit a slow one) before coming back to tell you he loves you? Pfff, maybe you are the only one who would be softhearted enough to believe it.

Thing is, not wanting to give your life for this douche does NOT mean you are selfish, ok? Let me reassure you that.

Walk away...

Like another poster said...one drunken misstep and you could have it too.

Thing is not about whether he has HIV or not...its that he has cheated before, he didnt care enough about you then...or your health and safety...so why do you owe anything to him now?

And I have to ask the same question as everyone else...whats the story with your dating life that you need to consider an cheater with HIV as your top candidate?

Be strong, simply say NO the way he couldn't when it came to staying faithful!

Case closed.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by alexismith (343 days ago)

TO the OP, My answer if it happens to me is as long as he's been honest to me from the beggining of our relationship and we both LOVE each other then i'll stay..

(I am based in Taipei)