sleeping around

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Posted by gzwife (21 days ago)

I am married to a Hong Kong man for the last 10 years. I left my home, my family, my life and my family business to be with him. Over the last 10 years, I have found condoms, sex toys, men's sex drinks, business cards with contacts of people who sell "flowers"

I came to this part of the world as a very niave Christian girl who thought that if you looked long and hard enough, you will find that one person who will love you and treat you like a person.

I learnt a hard and tough lesson about life.

I got the courage and followed my husband and his friend one day and caught them lying to me. I took pictures and that night, sat down with him and my family to talk about divorce. He got the shock of his life.

I still wonder why the shock from my husband if he was cheating on me for so long. I found all these clues which he lied and covered up each one. I even called his friend for verification who helped him at all times to cover his ass.

I sat down several times with my husband to ask him if there was anyone else- which he denied, I cried and told him that I hate him and I blew the hell up at other times. Yet at none of these times did he feel bad or did he ever stop seeing his mistress and prostitutes. I even got hpv from him which he denied as he had no symptoms (HPV can be passed on with the host having no symptoms at all)

My question to my husband as to why did he cheat on me if he claimed that he loved me? Becuase he was greedy and all his friends was doing the same thing. It was the norm to lie and cheat on your wife. They would even give each other advice on what to do and how to throw your wife off track by making her feel guilty. Every man he knew did this for years without their wives knowing.

They would get together to tell takes of all their conqests and about what they were able to do with these willing little China girls for a few hundred yuan. They also believed that these girls enjoyed the sex and thought that they were great.

Why did my husband stop? Not becuase I cried or I caught him nor because I quarreled with him. That is what was expected and all the men already gave each other advice on how to deal with this situation

My husband stopped because he realised the mistress left him because the money was not enough and because I took a stand and was willing to leave him and take the children. By the grace of God, I got my redemption.

Love and Sex are 2 completely differently things for men. It is true and especially so IF YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH IT. It will not hurt a man to see if wife in pain as they think you will get over it. Men who do this love themselves more than their wives and think that a wife's place is in the home but when walk outside, they are single.

If you do divorce, my advice is to talk half. ( Put down in a book, all bank accounts, all info on real estate stocks, passwords of credit cards etc.) The other half that you cannot get, set it on fire. Watch and see if there is any girl who will run after your husband if he has no money.

I hope every woman who reads this can get some strength and can do something to change their life and not let your husband take total and merciless advantage of them. May God have mercy on all these adulterous men and let justice prevail

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by waarkool (10 days ago)

Just joined this website and read interesting comments on this topic of cheating by men. I am a single Australian ABC who has been in HK two years and love it here. Although I have been in relationships with women since I was in my twenties, I never got married although was close on several occasions. In my opinion, men cheat not only because men can often dissassociate themselves between sex and emotions ( like dogs do) or just getting away from a nagging wife. I believe its because men are highly visual creatures and every time they see a pretty woman in the streets, they look admiringly at her. I can certainly understand why many attached men would think about having sex with attractive women they see in the streets. I have observed that although many men end up in relationships or marriages with very attractive women, these same men would sometimes, more often than not, cheat or run away with a less attractive woman. To be honest, many highly attractive women do not have an understanding on how to keep their men physically, emotionally and spiritually stimulated. Basically, I know men are very simple. We just want emotionally support and great sex. However, having learnt that many Hongkong and probably Mainland women are very traditional and never speak or learn about sexual techniques, its no wonder why men in this city often go to nightclubs or find professional women to seek pleasure. I am afraid that despite the stigma attached to women who provide sexual services in this city, its these women who have honed their skills enough to have willing male clients. I know my comments might be provocative but I really think that amongst other things, that women have to be quite sexually adventurous, open-minded and willing to learn about sexual techniques that are competitive with the professionals. It was a culture shock for me to arrive in HK ( even though I have a chinese background) to find that there are many women in HK who enjoy preying on married men. I found out that some women ( especially aspiring actresses) would target another married actor and attempt to seduce him away from his wife. The fact that this does work only means something. That being beautiful, charming, rich and pure doesnt always work. I know that when men havent tried some new sexual fetishes, that they will want to try. However, if their partner is very traditional and nonadventurous, the man would be highly tempted to seek new pleasure elsewhere. Whilst I was single and had enjoyed some casual encounters along with having some fun in fetish activities, I now dont have to seek out different women nor different activities. I believe most men dont have the opportunity to test their sexual cravings so they tend to try different types of women in order to test. However, what most men fail to realise is that the attitude to sex is all in the mind and not physical. Once a man understands this phylosophy, thats when men will begin to realise that casual sex cheating on their partners is actually not exciting as great sexual adventures with their wives and girlfriends. i know many people reading this would be quite offended but its my experience.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by gzwife (8 days ago)

Esoteric, glad you like my sayings. I least I am making someone happy.

Sorry but dont know how to write the pinyin in Cantonese but I learnt this lesson the hard way. My husband's best friend and partner in crime had a long talk with my mother to complain about me. The best friend told my mother that I am being rediculous and always checking up on my husband. I should understand that my husband will treat me good but once he walks out of the house, he is a man and can f**k anyone he wants. If I continue to check up on my husband, he promises my mom that my husband will divorce me.

So I decided to have sex with this best friend to see what kind of friend he really was but I could not go through with it. This guy was short, fat, ugly and bald (and he thinks that he is God's gift to women as he claims all women -that he pays to have sex- really enjoy being with him) He is extremely revolting so I really need to understand the mindset of prostitutes who can only focus on the money and not get disgusted at the men that they have to screw.

My conclusion, if you really really want to hurt your husband, try his best friend who is helping him cheat. Chances are they would be willing to sleep with you. My husband best friend slept with so many of his friend's wives and they are still good friends with him. They have no idea. You see how nasty things gets with married men? They are even worse than single men

warkool, thanks for your insight. I did realise that it may be probably my fault that I did not enjoy sex as much but then I was so tired from children, work and household chores. You know I even have to write a list of thing my husband needs to do in his business everyday for him to follow. Dont do that anymore

I tried to be more adventerous in sex but my husband will not do it with me. He is afraid that I like sex too much and I look for someone else. Again another double standard.

It seems then that men may cheat for any number of reasons. If men think a marriage is based on exciting sex and how you look, then most marriages are in trouble becuase the next good looking thing that comes means disaster.

We women should think about basing the marriage on money like the prosititutes, then we should go to the next man with more money or better position in society. Men spend a tantamous amount of time on their mistresses to get them gifts and make them happy as they know that these women will leave them at anytime if they get bad treatment or not enough money as this relationship is based on money. Funny they dont spend that money or time with their wives as they know they have you in the bag.

Too bad I stayed with my husband when he lost all his money in his business and even loaned him money but he could not stay with me when I gained weight after having 2 kids for him.

To answer some of the other ladies questions, I am going home by myself for a while to think, clear my mind, pray and get myself together and most importantly talk to my lawyer.

Abvaas, your age old question may never have a single answer. Men will cheat when given the chance. There seems that nothing will stop them if they want to. The point is what do we women do now after devoting so much time and energy to one person who actually hold our lives and our children's lives in their hands and have it destoyed for someone they say that dont even care for?

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by Icethy (3 days ago)

I find it quite sad there are so many men out here thinking it is ok to cheat.
I wanted to leave my own 2 cents here. First of all some information of myself.
I was born in Germany but my parents are of asian origins, I am by western and asian standards an attractive woman, with a slender body, big bust and a pretty face.
My looks I gotta say has helped me through my complicated life quite a bit although it had been a burden also on my travels. Especially in asia!

However since my body developed in my teenage years I have been hit on constantly wherever I would go and I would every now and then agree to date a guy.
Although I met loads of nice guys they were pretty much average. Men who if they would've met another beautiful girl 5 minutes before me and that chick was willing, that's what they would've ended up with. I was never pleased with that thought because I always knew of my own worth. That is the same reason I never slept with any of them because non could appreciate me enough although all of them assured me they loved me. I didn't do it on purpose. Something stopped me from giving myself away to easily.
I am in a very healthy relationship with an Australian man who is my first sexual partner also today. He is a man that does appreciate every piece of me.
He knows he is the luckiest guy on earth and I know he will never cheat on me although he's travelling throughout Asia on his own a lot also.
Because the moment he does I will not be by his side anymore which will make his life senseless. I will never cheat on him and never have the desire to touch another man because I know the moment I do I risk the greatest love that I have been waiting for for so long. I do get hit on constantly still though. But I never flirt. I am never tempted. I know my man a white guy in Asia is fresh meat to the asian ladys but he's never tempted either. Because he is a good man. One in a million. The strongest. The one who deserved to be with me. And the one I deserved to be with.

There are other stories out there ladies. Good stories. There's also a handful of good men. Just make a wise choice and do not forget your own worth.

Nobody wants to be cheated on men or women. Sleeping with one person is giving away a piece of yourself. Although men say it is just sex. It is the most intimidate way to express yourself. It becomes just sex if you do it over and over until there is nothing left and you don't have the ability anymore to give all of you and you miss out on something in life that is the absolute freedom.

(I am based in Bangkok)

Posted by sicn (2 days ago)

Most marriage begins with fairy-tale story like Icethy’s. Nobody would have a plan to cheat on their spouses when they decided to enter the deal. But things happened…
Icethy, it seems you are still young and not yet married, not to mention having children which will change your life completely. It is admirable to have such strong relationship like yours. However, don’t you think that many ladies had waited for that special ones and still ended up heartbroken years down the road? How much confidence that you will still have in your man if you suddenly lost your good-looking? Not having mean spirit towards you, but it does happen to every woman slowly with time. So when that time comes, how are you going to deal with it?
GZwife, I see a lot of hurt and anger in you, which is understandable. I can see Icethy’s story in you, the younger version of you. You thought you finally find the holly grail by doing all the right things, but sh*t like this happened…
My two cents to save your marriage is this: There is no justice in life. So stop looking for it. Right and wrong it doesn’t make much difference. People do what they want to do regardless. Put all your desire of being a judge aside, try to look at the matter with a third person perspective: Your husband works his as* off all day long, takes the heat and scorns from everybody, sacrificing the dignity as a man to make that money to keep the family alive. Finally it is time to get away from work, and he was presented with two choices: go home to an angry wife who doesn’t even like him and keeps convincing him to be less of a man or go to the mistress to have some fun, take a role of being in control and feel like a real man…
Yes, the husband has taken the wife for granted but so does the wife. Marriage is the famous trap for man and woman stop treating each other like man and woman. So don’t fall for it. Keep some uncertain insecurity and throw some jealousy to spice it up. Do it with upbeat and positive attitude. And don’t forget at the end of the day, what really makes a man come home is the unconditional love that he knows he can never replace with any mistresses in the world.
Some people may look down on this kind of accepting attitude. I can understand that. Because you see others don’t have to take this sh*t. You are right; some women like Icethy never have to face it because some men never cheat on their wives. But unfortunately some men do and your husband is one of them. You can have the choice of letting the idea of some men don’t cheat make your current life like a living hell or face the music and DEAL WITH it. Again, like what I said, there is no justice in life, believe it or not.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by Icethy (2 days ago)

@ sicn

It is not just a fairy tale. It is what I want and I have learned very early what I want. To tell you the truth I am young. 23 years of age. Naive? No that I am not. I have grown up watching my stepfather cheating on my mother, crying endless tears, I have watched him abusing her and on top of all that he was a gambler. I know what a bad man is. I know how a good man can turn into a bad man. I have waited my whole childhood for her to leave him and everytime she was close in the end she was never strong enough. I hated that man but I had no power to change things. But that is when I learned what I didn’t want.
By the time I got 15 my mother made it and she left him. Unfortunately she left me and her 3 other children too. She was a broken person and from one day to another she was gone. I was 16 when I took over custody and care for my then 6 and 8 year old siblings. So am I young? Yes of age. But none at heart. Am I bitter? I was but I always knew what I wanted. Give my siblings a better chance and let them grow up in a better environment. And that chance I will give my future children or I will have none. I‘ve had no ordinary life which made me no ordinary person.
So am I sure I found the right man for this? Yes I am. He had to fight for my trust, he had to break down the walls, take away my fears. And today my soul lies bare in front of him. He’s the sort of man that says yes and it will always remain a yes. When I met his mother, the most beautiful and admirable woman, she held my hand and looked at her 3 beautiful sons and said to me „I can assure you, I swear as their mother, and by my own life, that none of them are going to cheat on their women.“
And I believed it. There is only one other man I know can do it. That is my older brother. Because he has seen what I have seen. And he is one of those rare, rare men that can control their sexual drive and will always be aware of his actions. It is sad when men reduce themselves to that. And even more sadly most of them do.
@Gzwife, and to tell you the truth I was sick and tired of my mother trying. That man never stopped, never changed. Never for the longterm. And if I was your child I wished you left him.
But that is only my personal opinion and experience. I will never do that to my child. If the person I trust the most, who can hurt me the most decides to let go of his control and betray my faith and love I will walk away. I know how to bring up children on my own. Father included. But not by my side.

(I am based in Bangkok)

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