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He will go back to London, while I stay.
Posted by Sleepy Head (19 days ago)
I fell in love with this guy I met from work. He is British Indian who was born and raised in London, 2 years older than me, a successful lawyer; while I’m a Canadian Chinese, still on my way in law school. About a month ago, he came to Hong Kong because he won a scholarship that would bring him to visit some top legal firms here in Hong Kong. And we met at work.
He came across to me as someone very down-to-earth and easy-going even though he is in fact very smart. He always makes some subtle jokes and teases me as well… we enjoyed talking to each other a lot. He started to ask me out.
From the very first day that we met, I already knew that his scholarship tour in Hong Kong will finish at the end of 2009. So even though I knew we liked each other at the very beginning, I didn’t want to go too far as he is going to leave in two months time and I am staying. We dated for like 7,8 times after we met, we went to nice lunch, dinners, drinks, sight-seeing, hiking… etc. and when we’re together, what we do is no different than what normal couples do. Then there came one time that he said “My friend told me not to think too much, coz if I think too much I would become emotional, if I am too attached to you I may not be able to leave. There were times that I purposely act distanced…. I don’t want to think what is going to happen in 2 months time. But I really like you and I don’t want to just be friends with you.”
It is no doubt that he will be back to his busy daily work routine when he is back to London. I wouldn’t mind to try and work out a long distanced relationship, because I like him a lot and I hope to put some effort in making all these work out….. But then again, I don’t know this to be a one-sided story. I am not sure if he is with me now just because he somehow likes me a little bit and I am so happen to be here and available? My instinct tells me he is a good guy, but reasonably speaking, I’ve known him for only a month time…what should I do??? Please give me some advice, thanks.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
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Posted by cookie09 (19 days ago)
you are thinking too much. give it a shot for a long distance relationship. meet him once or twice in london and then see how it goes.
long distance relationship is not only bad as long as there is an end to it some day
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by MJ1 (19 days ago)
You're his source of entertainment / companionship in HK. Once he goes back to London and his friends, he probably will move on. If he was really into, he would just tell you straight up, instead of pussyfooting around. So don't give yourself too much expectation.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by cookie09 (19 days ago)
MJ i think you're a bit too negative. however it could well be true after all so it makes sense to have low expectations when going for it
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by woods99 (18 days ago)
Stay in touch with him, do not have high expectations - all relationships are important, enjoy your relationship with him, as a friend, maybe it will become more serious over time.
Do not build yourself up for a fall. Stay grounded. But keep interested in him, and interesting to him, and maybe things will progress.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by MJ1 (18 days ago)
Better to have some negativity now than to be disappointed due to over expectations later.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Sleepy Head (18 days ago)
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. I think the best I would do is simply yo stay neutral - just like what wooods99 suggested. And yes, I am indeed thinking too much, as he told me he is not even thinking! Therefore no point for me to care too much maybe?
On the other hand, MJ1 might be right as well, who knows. But I am not so persuaded because he is also meeting loads of new and important people from this scholarship tour.. he doesn't need me to kill time for him. But then again, all in all, don't want to over-analyze it. Will stay neutral. Thank you all for your advices!! =)
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Craig Shergold (17 days ago)
If he is Indian then forget about getting married (if that is your secret fantasy).
Indians -even in this day and age- only enter arranged marriages. The family is involved big time. And since your friend is a successful lawyer he is a 'big catch'. There is a lot of money involved here (think dowry) and since he is male, his family is on the 'receiving' end. Ka ching !!
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by cookie09 (17 days ago)
"Indians -even in this day and age- only enter arranged marriages"
Completely wrong, sorry. I am not Indian but i have quite a few who chose freely. Including different nationalities (think Chinese/Indian mix, etc.). Not common but possible.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Sleepy Head (17 days ago)
Although it is way far ahead to think about marriage at the this stage, thanks Craig for giving me the heads up. In fact he brought this up while we had a casual chat, he said that the older generations in India (ie. his parents) distinguish only two categories - Indians or non-Indians. White, yellow, black etc. all fall into the non-Indians category and the parents wouldn't like their sons/daughters marrying non-Indians. But he told me not to worry about it at this stage... I think what Craig said is still somewhat true nowadays but perhaps there are some exceptions out there? Most my friends are Canadians so I really got not much clues as well. But thanks for advicing!
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Kate71 (17 days ago)
Hey Sleepy Head
Why don't you talk to him and see if he's interested in carrying it on once he's back in London. If he is - then give it a go...
LDRs are HARD esp when you don't have much foundation in your relationship - but they can work... we were in a LDR London-HK for a year and it was based on a week spent together! We're now married with a beautiful 14 month old daughter... and btw I'm also a hard-working London based lawyer... ;)
good luck to both of you
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by ineptie (11 hrs ago)
Hey Sleepy Head,
I was also in a long distance relationship that turned into a wedding. It is indeed possible. I really suggest you stop asking yourself all these questions and you just live your love affair. What will happen when he goes back, that is a mystery.
For now on, have fun with him. Don't get into this neurotic mood. It will just make him back off.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
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