|
Relationships... contd.
Posted by zonked (526 days ago)
What do you do when you just know he WAS the one.....? The one and only...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Electrode (526 days ago)
Analyse what went wrong and go another route next time.
One and only? I don't believe in it.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Electrode (526 days ago)
And how can you tell they're the one and only?
Have you met everyone in the world? (sorry if sounds harsh, just trying to illustrate a point)
How do you know that there isn't someone better for you?
What you mean is the last one was the best so far, in that you want to spend your life with.
There a millions of compatible people for you, it's just that you won't meet most of them in your lifetime.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by zonked (526 days ago)
Well, nothing was right... and yet, took it to a point of no return and then, even further to the THE POINT OF NO RETURN!!
How did you start believing that there is no ''one and only''?
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by zonked (526 days ago)
When it's so good with everything wrong around you.... they HAVE to be one and only. You don't stick around otherwise for so long!
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by marieantoinette (526 days ago)
I would hazard a guess that it takes years to work out he is (or was!) your one and only. If he's still your best mate and understands you better than any gf after 20 years, then you might be onto a winner.....who knows. People separate after 50 years because they've suddenly met their 'one and only'!!!
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Electrode (526 days ago)
I've just edited my last post, check it out.
I believe there's no one and only because there's many out there.
I don't know what you've read about this, but it's codswallop.
Stop being a hopeless romantic.
There's a whole industry out there cashing in on susceptible people.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by zonked (526 days ago)
Wow... if you don't meet them in your lifetime, what's the point anyway??!
And if someone gives you the feeling that they're one and only, isn't that just reason enough to feel that way??
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by zonked (526 days ago)
And it is not silly at all to feel that way. Haven't you ever felt it??
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Electrode (526 days ago)
zonked, read carefully.
There are many 'ones', therefore they're not 'ones'.
Haven't I ever felt what?
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by zonked (526 days ago)
That there is only one ONE for you??
Haven't you wondered that what you lost was what you wanted? Never any regrets?
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Electrode (526 days ago)
Felt that there is only one 'one' for me?
No, never.
I don't believe that there's only one person that's right for someone. These are myths perpetuated by, let's say 'romantics', and endorsed by the, lets's say the 'romantic fools.'
I've never read a Mills and Boon, the only romance I'm familiar with, would be from the canon and I can't recall a single instance of this 'only one' business.
I do recall some "my one true loves", but you have to realise that they were about 14, and what do teenagers know?
At the time of losing someone, I thought I wanted them, but that was because I was the 'dumpee' and not the 'dumper'.
Strange how it's always the 'dumpee' that complains of losing the 'one', hardly ever the 'dumper'.
Regrets? I've had a few...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by hksnowangel (525 days ago)
zonked, there is a popular book out now and it is called 100 Secrets of Relationships. One thing is says is that those who have fairy tale like expectations are the ones who are most likely to be disappointed.As for there only being one, well, it is possible that you'll only meet one who ever makes you feel a certain way. i think we look for a partner who is like a mirror, reflecting the version of ourselves we are most comfortable seeing. If we are insecure, we look for someone who puts us down. If we are arrogant, we look for someone who ingratiates themselves to us. If we are sweet, we might look for someone who we can 'save', etc. What we think we want at 20 may not be what we want at 40 or 60, so the best 'one' for someone else is someone flexible and able to look at him/herself and try to be considerate of the other person.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Lagano (523 days ago)
There are many 'one's out there.
If you don't think so its just you are excluding others simply becuase you want to feel sorry for yourself.
Get over it.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by zonked (523 days ago)
Yep, sure. If it was that easy to get over, I would never have reached this stage!
As to many ONE out there -- unfortunately, I am not like one of the many women who have advised in some other thread to find a different bf for every meal/week! They're lucky to feel that way. Or maybe, I am old fashioned.
There is some such thing as love. And when that happens it isn't easy to move on. Wonder though that these men and women are missing that feeling altogether. Though it brings with it pain, there is a lot to cherish about it too.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Wat'sup!!! (523 days ago)
Zonked,
Every one knows is not easy to get over, however I can tell you for sure you wont die or
cry blood, why don’t you just try o move on I don’t mean another men but find yourself something to do,
a hobby that makes you happy and feel free.
Remember that obsession is our worst enemy, and you can be really in trouble…
Just one more thing, ** no one can help you; if you don’t want to help yourself**
Good luck
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by zonked (523 days ago)
Thank you, Wat'sup! You atleast made me smile.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by naima (522 days ago)
Zonked,
Yes, it is not easy to move on and i have cried for months and replaying the good ol' times in my head. But then again, you won't let the "ghost" in your past haunts and holds you down forever, won't you?
If you are old fashioned and a hopeless romantic, I can give you a winning old line "If you love someone, set it free, if he comes back then he's yours but if not, then its not meant to be". (i hope i remember it correctly)
(I am based in Guangzhou)
Posted by wolfbaby (521 days ago)
This is a hard question to answer, althought all of us wanna know about that.
But happy and pain, exciting and dispointing... that's all part of our life. without them, life gonna be really boring...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Qart (518 days ago)
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON...
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a
lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger),
but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.
Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those
obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved,
straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact they are probably the most poignant and important ones.
If someone hurts you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learned about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that possibly can or you may never be able to experience it again.
Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to.
Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.
You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. Most importantly, if you love someone tell them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.
Learn a lesson in life each day you live.
"Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday."
Was it worth it?
MAKE IT A GREAT DAY!
(I am based in Beijing)
Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (517 days ago)
Dear Zonked,
I dont think there is any reason to fear the thought that there is only "one" one for you.
Your initial question was "What do you do when you just know he WAS the one.....? The one and only..."
WAS?
Means you didnt know that until the pairing was done and dusted? Or is he six feet under?
I mean, seriously...my thoughts on love and "the one" thoughts...is:
The love in your heart isnt something with a limit, it shouldnt be. It should be an endless well that keeps on giving well until the day you die...and if you arent aware of that, you best work on tapping into that.
Wouldnt it be a shame to fall for those highlander-esque stories about "there can be only one!" ahahaha, I mean...that would suck.
My buddy who's somewhere out there wandering the globe...he would sound a lot like you do...and I said to him one drunken night "Dude, you'll never be satisfied". He was in the "maybe she WAS the one" catagory.
Well, if you were too blind to see it when it was right there in front of you...you best have had the balls to run after it once you threw it out the door. And if it was you that got thrown out the door...then you werent "the one" for it.
Always fight the good fight for love...even when someone dumps you, beg if you want to make it work...at least then, when you are told how pathetic you are, you know you did everything you could for love...and there is no unresolved anything.
Life is far too short to sit there regreting things. You'll love someone else again...and even if you dont, maybe someone will love you and pick you as their "one".
Until the next "one"
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by zonked (517 days ago)
Wow, Qart and JC, your posts have moved me to tears, right in the morning! Just when I thought -- no more of these should escape my eyes!!
You know, I totally believe in what you both have written. Totally. Everything happens for a reason and that one should fight for love.
Yes, I believed in it while I was in my relationship with the love of my life, which ended abruptly(though it was anyway supposed to end) more than a month back because of my actions.
But, there was no way to fight for something I knew had happened for a reason for me.
I just could never have fallen in love so madly with a guy. I have never felt that sort of love for anyone in my life, though I've been in love before.
But I had fought, fought a bit too much, to keep it in my life.... there was little else I could do than just get him kidnapped. He knew I wanted him as much as my own life...
ok, ok, I do not want to go this way and be bombarded with questions... I do not want to answer anything... it is just too painful. All I know is I lost a losing battle and that I'll always be blamed for it; even if not by anyone but myself.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (517 days ago)
Hmmm, reminds me of this time my friend who was a lesbian fell in love with my friend who was a hetro male.
The story didnt end well.
They were happy together but he was the "well, she deserves someone who truly loves her, and I aint that guy because I love her in this way but I dont love her in that and I just dont think she's "the one" for me..." laaa di dah di...
So former lets-be-friend ends up broken hearted and crying that it didnt matter that he didnt love her as she loved him and that whatever he was willing to give her, she was willing to take...etcetlaah.
They split, he to go looking for that something that never quite came around, but hey, he was fighting his own good fight. She? I guess she healed over the years but she too is a nomad of sorts.
Cheer up duckie, life isnt that bad.
All the heart ache will only make you stronger.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kuroTenshi (517 days ago)
Thanks for that JC et all… and a huge afternoon toast to all the ‘ones’…
They say that loneliness is a bad advisor… methinks hindsight can be worse.
Just when you think you’ve consigned the ghost to a safe deposit box something invariable pops into your (sub)consciousness or on the news and all those too brief, beautiful, intense and occasionally embarrassing memories wash over you and them there dreams of what might have beens continue their haunting… but we need to live in hope even if tis ultimately hopeless.
So was he the ‘one’ or just became the object of desire, the unrequited ‘one’?
Times fade but would you wish to forget all that was more?
I have no answers yet but who knows just what cat tomorrow may drag in as the nomadic butterfly flutters to the bloom.
Best of luck zonked and there maybe however slim a chance of another round after all even Agent Aga promised to go back… and failing that there will indeed be another ‘one’ or a few… smile, be strong and beautiful and prey do enjoy the meantime
...
(I am based in Tokyo)
Posted by Gilmore (516 days ago)
This thread is pure poetry. I'm getting inspired with love, hope and all that jazz!!
Coming from a breakup myself, I'm a bit cynical of love and happily-ever-after. I do know that there are a few people in my life that I'm grateful to have. Going through a difficult time you get to really appreciate your loved ones, whether it be friends or family. I don't believe that there is a "one" so to speak. I know that throughout your life journey you'll meet people that will affect your life in different ways. Qart put it so poetically, it was very moving. And very true. That's why I think marriage is hard. Because by getting married, you put a stake in the road and say you are the one for me for the rest of my life, and yet you haven't met everyone that will come in to your life. But I think that's a different topic all together. But I do think that there is such a thing as great loves. Loves that conusume you and distroy you when it ends. I have been through one of those myself in my younger years. I came out of it barely alive and it took me a few years to find myself again. At the time I regretted ever meeting that person and suffering when it was over. But now, after quite a few years of living life as an adult, you tend to appreciate all the experiences you've had. Now I am grateful for going through that and having loved that way as I know that I am capable of such feelings. Personally I don't think I would want to experience that kind of love again. It was too consuming and exuasting. The highs were unimaginiable, but the lows were devastaing. It is too much for the every day life. These days I'm more concerned about maintaining my sanity and living an ordinary life. As it is, I feel that I have too much excitment and I could use some mundane.
So Zonked, my advise is, be strong. You'll get over it, even though it doesn't feel like you would. And one day you'll be able to look back and be happy that at least you went experienced such love. Not everyone does. Will you love like that again? Who knows. But until then you can cherish the memories you have...
(I am based in Unspecified)
Posted by zonked (514 days ago)
Strength -- you know, sometimes it becomes a burden.... anyone here agrees??
I think I am already too strong to deal with different situations in life.
But, getting over being in love with someone, isn't about strength. When you sleep and wake up with his thoughts, when you want to share every little detail with him, when you just want to see his smile and that sparkle in his eyes.... any amount of strength fails you.
When you do not want to forget him. WHen you desperately want him....
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by daTenshi (514 days ago)
I know that feeling... but I have no answers, yet...
Smile and have a good day anyhows...
(I am based in Tokyo)
Posted by Gilmore (513 days ago)
Getting over someone is not about forgetting them. It is accepting reality. If you cannot have the relationship you want with someone (for whatever reason) you need to be able to accept it and carry on without falling apart. You need to be able to say "this is what I really want, but I can't have it so I need to go on with my life and preserve my sanity."
That is where strength comes in. It's getting through the tough times when you think you cannot.
(I am based in Unspecified)
Posted by Ice cream (512 days ago)
Dear Zonk, after reading all those people's experience here, I wish I could tell you something that can help you to relieve. However, I'm more envy you that you and those people who have experienced the strong love. I did have met few guys who I felt like them but all the time, they were here for short time that I felt sad that I could not develop a relationship with them. And keep reminding myself those happy times spent with them even it was a very short time. Many people so wanted to experience love, you are the one that experienced it, so please cherish what you had and look forward. I know it's hard, but maybe you should think like what Gilmore said.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Harimau (512 days ago)
Zonk... its hard and we have all been there. A couple of years ago I was in the same situation thinking that he was "the one and only". I got a big wake-up call and realize that he can't be "the one" if we broke up and don't share the same values etc. As soon as I realize that (off course it still hurts) but life seemed to get better and now I am seeing a wonderful wonderful guy. Life is too short to dwell in sadness.... live the life u want to live for yourself.
(I am based in Unspecified)
Posted by minimini (506 days ago)
For the love which had gone
It gone with the wind
For the love which yet to arrive
take it with smile and open arm
There is the time we believe
The " TRUE ONE " is at the corner
When the true moment comes
He is yours
Cheers to you ! Zonked !
(I am based in Hong Kong)
|
