afraid to get hurt again

Posted by sweet baby (579 days ago)

i'm a single mom, been single for 2 years now, my last relationship was disaster.I'm happy with my baby and my career.It just one thing is missing, is a companion, honestly i'm quite attractive person and have good personality. My weak point is once i love someone, if that person hurt me or cheating on me again, it feels like the end of my life, i can't stand the feeling.Staying in HK, and seeing guys in HK, giving me the impression that guys in HK , they just want to have fun or short term relationship. Is there a possibility for me to find a quality guy in HK who have genuine heart to girls ?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by pinolino (579 days ago)

You are happy with your baby and your career! This is great ! Enjoy it and concentrate on you both first before you enter a new relationship. Let it come naturally and don't push it. Quality guys are out there but there is never a guarantee too....

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by car_lover (579 days ago)

Of cos there are quality and good guys in HK, look throught the Relationship threads and u will know what i mean..it is always the case that good guys wit bad girls or good girls with bad guys, guess tat's life eh?!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by lulu (578 days ago)

do not push for anything, especially for relationship...I am happy to be single, and I wasted a lot of energy on looking for relationship in the past years, life was sad at those times.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by kopfan888 (578 days ago)

agreed with lulu, don't look and it'll come when you least expect it, guys can smell desperation a mile off. Not that I'm suggesting you are of course but you get the gist right?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Ice-Bear (578 days ago)

Sweet Baby - ever heard of the "Law of Attraction"? If not, then you might want to learn more about it. If you enter repeatedly into relationships that end in disasters, then that's what you attracted through your way of thinking.

The law of attraction is actually very simple: you attract what you wish for and (more importantly) what you believe in. There is one important thing though: if you wish "to find a boyfriend who won't cheat me", then you'll get a boyfriend who will (!) cheat on you. Consequently, wish only for what you want and not for what you don't want. So instead you need to wish "for a boyfriend who will always be honest and faithful to me", for example. One more thing to make it work: Don't wish in the future but in the present. Instead of saying "I will find a boyfriend..." you say "I have a boyfriend who ....". Talk about it as if it was already reality. Talk about it every day, several times a day, if you wish. And then - as others above said - just waitand don't push for anything. Like magic, the guy will appear in your life.

Try it out - it doesn't cost a thing besides a little effort.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chris79 (578 days ago)

hmm, interesting theory you have there Ice bear... any scientific data on that?

(I am based in Beijing)

Posted by csun009 (578 days ago)

Saw a sign in our Singapore office last week: live today as if it's your last day; love as if you've never been hurt.

From my experience (as a single mother as well a career woman), if you date a decent guy -- I mean conscientious, caring, and kind one, even the relationship doesn't work out, it won't be so hurtful. Cases are that many women only pay attention to their looks and other superficial sides when choosing their dates. I personally think this is a big mistake.

Just at the moment you are giving up, the right one will turn up for you. The condition is that you'll have to be content with yourself and your life, and be active!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chris79 (578 days ago)

Strange Idea Csun, so it is easier to break up with a nice guy then with an a*****e, coz it hurts less??? If that were true then that sheds a whole new light on the fact that whenever I turn my back on a woman for having obligations abroad within a matter of weeks/months they find themselves occupied by the next guy, I am just a Nice guy it s easier to break up with them, makes me feel good again....

(I am based in Beijing)

Posted by sylvialili (577 days ago)

hey chris, if that's the case, those women are at a loss, nothing you need to worry about. the one who truly appreciates who you are, not what you have, will be the one you are likely to have a happy relationship with.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by csun009 (577 days ago)

Chris, I think you misunderstood me. In our life, most of us will experience some break-ups. Personally I don't really think breakups are necessarily due to cheating behavior or something must be wrong with one party. Personality clash, lifestyle change and some other factors can contribute to the breakup.

If your partner has been a decent one (be a guy or girl), the breakup will can be more civilized. You can stay being friends, maybe. Instead of hatret, revenge, or lingering hurtful feelings.

Purely personal opinion.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aggie (577 days ago)

oh...quality guys must be outthere...but this quality guy applies to other doesn't mean to be quality to you...let's come natural as you are no alone...at least you have fulfillment from your baby and job...

(I am based in Shanghai)