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Western Women
Posted by Cheesypeasplease (494 days ago)
I am a 30 year old, professional, ok on the eye, English male, I have heard time and time again that expat girls here find it hard to meet guys.... the reason being is they are so concealed... I am talking about the 25-30 year ago group who are not settled into a relationship. Do they exist? I would truly like to find a way of meeting more western or westernised girls, any ideas? Does anyone know any good activities to meet some? Please dont say Salsa!!
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (494 days ago)
If you can't find/see western expat girls between 25-30 in LKF and wanchai then you must be blind, these places are crawling with them.
Tip for you, Dublin Jacks after 8 p.m. loads of them.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Xiaoli007 (490 days ago)
What's the meaning of "They are so concealed", are you joking? Even in the center of Shanghai while the daytime or while the night life you can find many foreigners girls around your age. In some nightclubs there are more foreigners than Asian girls...an other tip for, The Mint or Atika! Good luck!
(I am based in Shanghai)
Posted by jwm (489 days ago)
Perhaps you refering to them as "Western Chicks" has somthing to do with not being able to find a suitable mate
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Daddy Long Legs (489 days ago)
This is a good time of year for meeting xpat ladies. A lot of them like to participate in dragon boating. Perhaps you could join one of the clubs. You can get fit and mingle at the same time.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Cheesypeasplease (489 days ago)
Thanks... the term Western Chicks was actually devised to get people to read....
Thanks, actually it seems that "chicks" are just as keen and struggle to meet guys as vice versa.. just seems a shame that with all this "equality" that they still expect guys to approach them.. Why dont they approach!
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by car_lover (489 days ago)
Yea Why? It wld be nice if they cld make the first move.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by French Girl! (489 days ago)
Hi!I am new in town and I have quite the same feeling..families and desperate singles here!
I am not a desperate housewife, nor a 30-years-old-waiting-for-Le-Prince-Charmant!!
Only want to enjoy life.
Cheesypeasplease, this is an approach ;) !!
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by French Girl! (489 days ago)
Hi!I am new in town and I have quite the same feeling..families and desperate singles here!
I am not a desperate housewife, nor a 30-years-old-waiting-for-Le-Prince-Charmant!!
Only want to enjoy life.
Cheesypeasplease, this is an approach ;) !!
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (489 days ago)
wish some would approach me too!
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by alk (488 days ago)
ye me too
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by voiceofreason (488 days ago)
for god's sake gentlemen, GROW A PAIR AND APPROACH! :-O
you ask "why don't they [women] approach"...well i'll tell you why. it's because no matter how equal and independent we women have become, we will always-till-the-end-of-time-forever-and-ever need to know if you, our potential mates, have the b*lls and confidence necessary to attract us in the first place, and thereafter keep us interested.
if you can't muster up the gumption to come up and say hi...that's pretty sad.
i know there is a very real fear of rejection...but there are only two possible outcomes. one, she's not interested - and i guarantee you 99.99% of the time it's nothing at all to do with you, because she doesn't even know you! two, she IS interested...and who knows where that will take you. voila, you're off to the races!
as for the ladies: if there is some guy that you wish would approach you, give them a little encouragement - a look, a smile, take the umbrella out of your drink and wave it, anything at all!
note that i am not advocating lying or game-playing or leading anyone on. just be open about what you want, and act on it.
sheesh. now everyone go out and have a great weekend.
(I am based in Manila)
Posted by Aijin (part deux) (488 days ago)
Amen to that VOR...
Gentlemen... we like to be wooed... to feel attractive, desired, adored... after all we are all romantics at heart...
And we do like strong, confident men...
So go get us Guys... or at least make a tad of effort!
(I am based in Tokyo)
Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (488 days ago)
All this has made me giggle...right, I would like to organise a minor pishup for next week, who's in?
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Aijin (part deux) (488 days ago)
JC: Methinks that for fear of upsetting thee mighty 'banter is unacceptable' Ed you should start a new thread along the lines of 'divorcees wanna get together'... but maybe you should PM him for permission beforehand.
Good luck and enjoy!
(I am based in Tokyo)
Posted by kopfan888 (488 days ago)
vor
in what is supposed to be the age of equality, why is it that the men always have to do the approaching? Yes I approach now and again but also get the girl looking at me smiling etc and as soon as I approach her she walks off! arghh
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by voiceofreason (488 days ago)
kopfan, i already said why we women like to to be approached.
if you give up after one measly attempt, you are either not interested enough to try another time, OR your target was in fact smiling at the guy slightly behind you to your left...
(OR you failed to put cash into her g-string as is the etiquette in such establishments...i am just kidding ;-))
if however she walks off after that second attempt, leave it! approach your next target.
(I am based in Manila)
Posted by Aijin (part deux) (488 days ago)
Oh why oh why have men suddenly become so needy?
kopfan: if you approach her and she walks off she just isn't interested in you and it was you misinterpreting the signals...
But Guys don't give up after all nothing ventured nothing gained/gotta be in it to win it yadda yadda eh.
(I am based in Tokyo)
Posted by kopfan888 (488 days ago)
Yes it hasn't stopped me from doing it but its of course annoying at times when its the guy that has to do all the running. I understand why girls want the guy to approach them etc. thats not the problem.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Aijin (part deux) (488 days ago)
Well as VOR succinctly noted there are plenty of bars where beautiful women will approach you...
But there are some of us who need to be swept of their ruby slippers...
(I am based in Tokyo)
Posted by Cheesypeasplease (488 days ago)
How does one send a direct message to someone in the forum? Say for example.. i wanted to write to the Frenchgirl.. how would I :)
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Aijin (part deux) (488 days ago)
Men today... sigh...
Go to your control panel... compose a message... and press send... tis not that difficult... akin to approaching the girl of dreams...
Have a nice eve all...
(I am based in Tokyo)
Posted by French Girl! (488 days ago)
Hey Cheesypeasplease, I haven't got any direct message..yet? :)
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Yep (487 days ago)
Doh French Girl that deseperate ? :P
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by car_lover (487 days ago)
To Yep: Shldn't say she is desperate, at least she is making the first step..that is what guys want!
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by French Girl! (487 days ago)
Thanks car lover!
I don't know if it is what guys want, but life brings good surprises when you are open and friendly!
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by lulu (486 days ago)
oh give me a break, 7's is just around the corner. There are so many western chicks and western men picking around....
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by St Kilda Beach (486 days ago)
If you look needy, you won't get the attention of any woman. I get approached all the time, being happily married and not looking, allows me to just be myself. The meaning in that message is, dress well, project a fun out going personality, without a care in the world attitude, women will always notice men who are fun to be with. Sitting at a bar table drinking San Migs with the lads, cheering on your rugby team is about the best " chick " repellant you could ever manage.
VOR is entirely right with what she says, women are attracted to confidence, not to be confused with arrogance, by being charismatic, and having the ability to convey a fun conversation, that doesnt involve sport/cars/work, or you will bore your potential partner.
I still find the above post a bit strange, even while shopping in the supermarket, crossing paths with a female expat, always encourages a smile and a hello, how you doing acknowledgement, so if you can't get the attention of an expat woman, you either dress really badly or look like a slob.
Ofcourse I could be entirely wrong, but in todays image is everything world, I'd say I am pretty close to the mark.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (486 days ago)
st kilda
amen to that.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by car_lover (486 days ago)
hmm...so is it true that expat women only go for well dressed men? It is never fair to judge a person by the outlook. A person who don't dress proper or badly cld also be a good partner. Like french girl said, be open and friendly.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by St Kilda Beach (486 days ago)
Ummm no car lover, maybe thats why you are having such a rough time... HK is especially image judgemental and its human nature to be attracted to people of similar expectation. You may have low standards, ignorantly expecting women to lower theirs to suit you, which just isn't the way it works, especially consider that most expat women in HK are professionally employed, wether you like it or not, their appearance/min standard isnt going to change.
In some ways, its like being interviewed for a job, you wouldn't rock up to a potential employers office dressed in flip flops, T shirt and jeans, why would you think you could get away with it in front of a potential suiter ?
If you don't make any effort, either will the person you are "trying" to attract attention from.
In most part, women do take pride in their appearance, and its logical that if they have spent the time on their appearance, then, so should you...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (486 days ago)
Its the way you dress that women notice first thus of course first impressions count. You could be the nicest guy in the world but if you dress like a poor student then they'll dismiss you out of hand. Whereas you could be the most arrogant bar steward in the world and dress like some armani model then they'll come flocking.
Yes HK is that shallow I'm afraid.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Tidings 2 (486 days ago)
Whoaaa nellie - sorry but some of us do not date 'down'.
I would not ever date anyone who was out of my income level or social scale. Never
Women are less likely to date their amah (male) even if he wore Armani. good grief
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (486 days ago)
But then I have this rule that I'd never date a woman that owns a blackberry. So then tidings what is your social scale exactly?
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by St Kilda Beach (486 days ago)
Thats why I clarified my statement about professional womens expectations, Tidings2 is absolutely correct, professional expat women don't accept anybody less than their own class position, wether that be intellectually or financially based.
50 years ago men and women were brought up to dress well as a minimum standard of social acceptance, something in professional circles is still a golden rule. Kopfan is entirely right, first impressions do count and as long as you meet all other requirements, how you dress is just a standard of acceptable familiarity.
I do see where Tidings 2 is coming from, there are guys out there, who dress to the nines, but don't have a dollar to rub together, overall in HK, I doubt too many who frequent LKF regularly are in that demographic. If you follow the basis of my logic.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Tidings 2 (486 days ago)
blackberry owner and very proud of it.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by St Kilda Beach (486 days ago)
Yeah, whats with the Blackberry comment ? Some professions in HK that are on call rely heavilly on internal messaging services.
I am curious what Kopfans reason is for not liking people who have one ?
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (486 days ago)
ah yes st kilda, the same goes for the women here too. skipping lunch so they can save for that latest handbag etc is all too common nowadays.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Tidings 2 (486 days ago)
I said what I said to be flippant.
Back to serious - kopfan, I think you will find more men who will go for someone like their maid or a very poor gal in a bar in Wanchai.
More women look for equality or probably even hope to 'marry up'.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by St Kilda Beach (486 days ago)
Ha Ha I fully see where you are coming from now Kopfan....
I agree in some ways, I don't really care for the whole LV hand bag thing, it just isnt important to us. We'd rather go to Paris for a holiday for the price of one of those bags. The bag will be forgotten, the memory of a European holiday remains forever...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Island Hopper (486 days ago)
Tidings 2: there are no male amahs (ok, in today's world you never know...), anyway the comment seemed a bit stiff upper lip LOL!
I know quite a few wealthy and educated people who go out in jeans and T-shirts for the reasons mentioned above ( to meet INTERESTING people.)
-- they don't want to make a shallow impression like people who don't have anything (meaning financially and mentally) but the Armani suit they wear and huge debts -- this kind of people are nothing unheard of in HK.
St. Kilda is right, LKF is full of self proclaimed "CEO"s in suits...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (486 days ago)
Ah yes the number of alledged ceo's in certain bars in lkf seem to be pretty astonishing, Guess I'm not allowed to name the bars where these people frequent. But seriously though if I was at a bar and got chatting to a lady and she whipped her blackberry out I'd be seriously unimpressed and make my excuses and leave.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Tidings 2 (486 days ago)
Do you specifically mean Blackberry or do you mean any email enabled pda?
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (486 days ago)
specifically blackberry. Because of the image it portrays of the user.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Tidings 2 (486 days ago)
Going to LKF would not be where to go if I wanted to meet truly successful men.
I'd head for the Blue Bar in the Four Seasons or the bar at Lumiere or places like that.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (486 days ago)
how do you define success exactly though?
I go to lkf to meet girls because the ones there are actually down to earth and not pretentious. My limit is the red bar in IFC.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Tidings 2 (486 days ago)
I'd look for the Blackberry weilding dude with the expensive looking hair style and nice shoes.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Island Hopper (486 days ago)
It's very hard for me to think that "successful" would mean the same as "flashy".
Next time you go to a noodle shop to eat HK$ 25 bowl of noodles(in case you ever go to such places...) have a look around and you are likely to see more successful people than you are (if the success means financial gains).
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by St Kilda Beach (486 days ago)
How many xpats do you know eat in noodle shops ?
I eat in HK style cafes, as we all do, but cant stand soup style foods, as do most westerners. 2 minute noodles back home is something that people on welfare eat, and considered very low in nutritional value, not to mention the MSG riddled through it. I get your point, but the original poster was English, the post has an Xpat slant to it, so mentioning a noodle shop doesnt make a whole lot of sense, unless, its locally oriented.
Success is measured by what you have achieved personally, and if you have been, or are able to provide for your family in a manner, that doesnt induce financial difficulty. Most of the high income earners I know here, dress pretty casually, but all of them are married with kids, and not on the prowl. So in effect, if thats who you were referring to, they don't count as they are not single.....
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by St Kilda Beach (486 days ago)
I thought the whole point of this topic was to give advice on how to capture the eye of a woman ?
I agree with tidings, most of the time we all wear casual clothes, but not when going out to company dinners with our partners or when we are out to impress the opposite sex.
Smart casual usually works well, a nicely cut black leather jacket, micro fibre white shirt with the collar pulled over the lapels, taupe coloured cotton drill trousers with black or cognac coloured leather shoes, shows a bit of dress sense.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Tidings 2 (486 days ago)
Hmm gee, I sort of like the noodle slurping !!
Just kidding !
Honestly, I have been approaced by zero Chinese men since I moved here 6 or so years ago.
In the states, several Chinese men asked me out.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by St Kilda Beach (486 days ago)
Some of my coolest mates are ABC's, 3rd generation Aussies and none of them can speak, read or write any Chinese lol. They all have aussie gf's and to be honest, behave no differently to anybody else back home. Until it was mentioned here during this topic, I never gave it any thought. My wife, who is a HK Chinese, never liked HK guys, for a long list of reasons, but I won't raise them here as it may be misunderstood as being racist, when it is more of a local HK cultural issue that has some definate man is king syndromes.
At the end of the day, if you have so little confidence that you cant just walk up to someone and conjure up a chat, with a view to, A/ being friends first, or B/ leaving it open for more, you have more to gain than lose.
I see a lot of guys go in for the kill way to early, I shake my head as to how stupid they handled themselves.
Locally, HK people are not renouned for their chit chat skills, anybody who has endured a company function knows full well that xpats do most of the mingling amongst themselves. Its native for us to chit chat, we have done it since children, HK people just don't feel comfy with it, just like during question time at the end of a lecture, local students never participate, all because they may be seen as stupid if they ask a question that others can ridicule them on.
In a word .... FACE
Something I often get into trouble for not considering much lol
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Cheesypeasplease (486 days ago)
I actually like the idea of meeting a girl that doesnt mind if I'm not wearing expensive clothes. To me that is like a filter.... also, I love girls who drink pints...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by St Kilda Beach (486 days ago)
Cheesy, its obviously working especially well for you mate, don't change a thing lol
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Cheesypeasplease (485 days ago)
Hmm.. maybe time to invest in a new pair of shoes.
On another note, has anyone been on these hiking groups in HK, like the Trampers, Sat Hiking group etc? Was thinking that might be quite good...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Island Hopper (485 days ago)
St. Kilda: "How many xpats do you know eat in noodle shops ?"
Many, including myself. And fyi, not all the shops sell instant noodles, there are quite a few places where they prepare the noodles by themselves.
Seems to be a little bit off- topic, but actually
it's not -- it's all just about the ability to explore this city...
In fact the reason why many ladies (sometimes also guys) don't find partners -- short or long term -- in HK (this means both expats and locals) is the following: they have a list of requirements that the partner must fulfill, but the truth is that they themselves are not interesting enough for such a person, who can easily get a partner here. The most pathetic thing is that they have learned their "checklist for a partner" from such journalistic gems as Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire
It's a bitter thing especially for some ladies who have been the center of attraction back home to realize that the "supply and demand" is a bit different here.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (485 days ago)
As quoted by tidings 2
'Honestly, I have been approaced by zero Chinese men since I moved here 6 or so years ago'
Its the blackberry I tells ya! :p
I have the expensive suit and the decent hair cut but of course no blackberry, So I guess two out of three aint bad!
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by zelda (485 days ago)
I think Justin has provided the best answer to the question that all these blind people keep asking.
A get-together for the visually impaired. Please make sure your Alsatian guide-dog is spayed or on the pill...never know...they might get over-excited.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by zelda (485 days ago)
i am not really blind, but i can always wear some very dark glasses and borrow my neighbour's dog for the occasion.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Aijin (part deux) (485 days ago)
No worrries after all they do say love is blind anyhows...
(I am based in Tokyo)
Posted by Daddy Long Legs (485 days ago)
I suppose its that LKF behaviour. Dressing up to look the part. There is so much talk of appearance and class and intellectual levels; how much one earns... etc its all BS!
If you cant be yourself when looking for the opposite sex then it wont last long even if you find them.
St K
What's all this casual clothes stuff. It sounds a bit poofy to me. I thought casual clothes meant you can wear what u like as long as its clean and respectable. How about a pair of jeans and a T-shirt?
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Sasquatch (485 days ago)
LOL, St Kilda Beach you are so on the money with the kill too early thing.
This will be different because im in GZ not HongKong and this goes for westernized, more than western women of course.
Basically, I have no problem (blond hair, blue eyes) catching the local chinese girls' eye (im not so vain as that sounds but still in any room full of Chinese girls more than a couple dig that and/or the arm hair thing LOL "you hairy like animal... but you perfect") and then smiling at her and getting my long held gaze - smile back thing, then walking up and asking her "ni jao shama mintzu? (of course Im in mainland China, you might need to ask some of the nice girls here how to open in Hong Kong but whatever language you use "whats your name" always seems to work for me. I know you are looking for english speaking girls but if she is westernized chinese, whatever that means, she will still be impressed that you are polite enough and intersted enough to go half way, she wasnt born speaking english she prolly busted her a$$ learning it. When I lived in Miami I hated when people came up to me and the first words out of their mouth were spanish. Do I look spanish, hello- blond, blue eyed, sun burned gringo here. So I dont do that to other people in their own country.
If she replies in Mandarin or Cantonese or whatever, you can go right into "timbudong" (I dont know WTF you are saying)Again find out how to say it in Cantonese. The girls aways laugh when you say that and repeat it back to you for some reason too which is good, any time you make them smile without actually laughing at your social ineptitude you are scoring points.
After that just try speaking english to her. I find more girls than I expect here, probably almost all of them in HK do speak at least some english or at least are willing to try a lot harder once I try to come at them from a direction that is more respectful of her own background and usually unexpected. They like to size you up before you open your mouth, if the first thing that comes out when you do is completly unexpected then she might find that intrigueing and want to know what else you have to say. It makes you mysterious and interesting, LOL. After that just get her to talk about her self and make sure even if its boring that you make her feel good about what she thinks is important about herself.
This all sounds very logical and emotionally removed like a formula but I dont see it that way. If I wasnt genuinely interested in a girl I wouldnt go to the trouble.
Important rule--> DO NOT BRING ANY CHINESE COWORKERS, LOL they are very bad wingmen and will almost immediatly start trying to "help" you by pressuring this nice girl to head for your apartment, right now, tonight. and next thing you know this nice available and formerly interested girl has labeled you a player and you're done.
I keep telling them, guys, this is like a game you play. strategy, subtlty. Even if all you do want is to get her into bed and you come straight out and say it, in front of others no less, then its like youre saying out loud, "Youre a big slut right?" Theres no way she can say yes to that. On the other hand once you smile and get her to, walk up to her and start convo, if she wants to go home w you she will let you know in her own way. If you get her number and text her a short "ni hao, I had fun last night" the next day, she will be all over that and usually call you back right away. Just do like the girls say and pony up, put your ego on the line and talk to her. My Chinese coworker said about a really cute girl I was going to ask out... "if you ask her out and she says no, maybe it will be very bad." Dude, if you dont even ask her youre done before you ever had a chance.
Meeting actual western girls? LOL Are there any in Panyu? I see them from a distance in GZ when I get in there once in a while but mainly I only see Chinese Nationals down here an hour or so South of the city. This doesnt really bother me though because I am working hard to learn Mandarin and there are scores of very beautiful Chinese girls here and they ALL wear leather boots LOL which I think is way sexy on a woman with the right slender build to pull off a calf high boot. No I dont have a foot fetish LOL but I AM a shoe designer so cut me some slack on that.
If you cant find enough western girls then develop a taste for multicultural fare. People are people, at least in Hong Kong you are less likely to need hard core language skills to communicate with locals.
Sorry for running on.
(I am based in Guangzhou)
Posted by calendargirl (485 days ago)
Actually, it's not hard to meet men here. The problem is the quality. You're right DLL, so many of the people - men and women - here in Hong Kong turn into nouveau riche bores the minute that stride off the airplane on their expat salaries and bonuses. Suddenly, a boring fool can afford a gym membership and holidays in Thailand and the Seychelles and they think they've become Mr. or Ms. Fabulous. The men acting like spoilt Buddahs with an unlimited supply of adoring women who are prepared to put up with (read other threads) revelations of STD's, affairs with the amah looking for a passport, men with multiple relationships in different ports of call... guys who have abandoned women and children on this and other continents and have come here to run away...
I don't wish to be cynical, but then there is no point in avoiding the truth, and the truth is this: Asia provides both men and women (but especially men) an opportunity to slide into dissolution very very easily. Without the structures and pressures of family and peer groups back home, many men lose themselves. I have heard that marriages that survive here, often break up once the contract is over and the couple return to the States or UK... wife (usually) cannot live with the memory of what when on here...
For my own part... I've given up on this place as a likely place to meet a decent man. It's a workshop, and an experiment in human behaviour. A lot of it ridiculous....
I wish more women would just not take such terrible behaviour from these men... If that means they will go to Asian women who will... then in my opinion... no great loss for me, and the men deserve everything they get...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by chinapumpman (485 days ago)
calendargirl u really are quite cynical..
there are many men who go off the rails here..
the problem is opportunity, opportunity, opportunity..
as for affairs with the amah...haha
most of them are distinctly less than affair material..at least the ones i see..
my view is that when choosing an amah..u hire by the pound...ie divide the salary by the weight and the lower the # the less chance of affairdom...
unfortunately all over the world there are idiot men..as the saying goes..God gave man a penis and a brain..but only enough blood to operate one at a time...
asia is asia...u either enjoy or hate it and that goes for women and men.
once u have sussed what is going on you learn to become immune..and enjoy many of the other delights it has to offer...food, weather, golf, cheap travel..
so lets be less cynical..there are many people all over the world who have never had the fortune to visit here and probably never will..
just enjoy and chill....
(I am based in Guangzhou)
Posted by Tidings 2 (485 days ago)
Sasquatch, I can honestly say I do not understand a thing you just typed.
Can you maybe just send a synopsis of the above?
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by calendargirl (485 days ago)
Hong Kong is great.... but the Western men are - how does one say it -... well... why don't you just read Sasquash's little account of his dating prowess... multiply that dozens of times... and well, that's what passes for romantic conversation here in the LKF lobby...
Not at all cynical. I've been here over a decade. I just know the truth about this place... and yes, one just learns to live without men, and to have a good life regardless. Sorry if that makes you feel threatened.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by calendargirl (485 days ago)
... And PS Chinapumpman... it might make a bit more sense if you could argue the point that I am cynical, by giving some evidence contrary to my own... all you've done by your comments is say 'boys will be boys'... are we all supposed to giggle and say, 'Oh, yes... I forgot that rule? ' LOL...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by calendargirl (485 days ago)
I agree that there are people everywhere who have these tendencies, but I don't buy the fact that these men who misbehave here, would be the same ones running off to Mexican clubs in the States. It's a different dynamic here. There's a lot of pressure, opportunity and the social structures of in-laws and friends are not usually here... but anyway... we're digressing from the thread - which is how to meet western women... but I wanted to respond to some of those side-issues raised above.
My feeling is that western women do like to be approached. Asian women, on the other hand, are more proactive than western women.
Western women would like to be sure that a man feels attracted to her. It's always better for a man to want or at least show an interest in the woman. It gives her confidence. Keep trying guys if you really want to meet one.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by chinapumpman (485 days ago)
woman are woman wherever u go..
they want to be respected, listened to, made to feel wanted...
if men are honest with themselves they know that..
when u do this u can have anything you want...within reason..and sometimes without...
the problem is men think with the little head after a few beers..and also in asia every man is "stud" potential..in their minds of course..
if i approach a woman i like her for her looks..that is a start...i would not approach someone i did not feel attracted to..unless i was really drunk..and that is not often the case now i am older and more selective..maybe
i would rather be in group of women company than a group of men...less stud like attributes and generally a better sense of humor...plus they do not take themselves as seriously..
all i can say that whilst no expert i have found that if u listen and treat her with the same respect then there is nothing better for a man..
everyone likes to feel wanted..even u calendargirl...haha
we can approach any woman we find attractive as long as she has no rings on the finger...the worst that can happen is she says no..
it happens....even to me..haha
calendargirl do u have msn..so see if i can be refused...
(I am based in Guangzhou)
Posted by calendargirl (485 days ago)
Thanks for your interest, Chinapumpman, but as I've said, I don't date anymore... Though, don't let that stop you from trying with others.:-)
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by car_lover (485 days ago)
St Kilda: I never expect a women to go down to my level, i wld love/like her for who she is and expect the same in return, if those women only wants guys in armani suit, so be it, it's their lost and DON'T complain abt not meeting a good and decent guy.
Anyways, my question is general and not abt me. I meet lots of beautiful girls and have no problem with it and i don't wear suit! hate it..prefer casual wear...more comfy..haha! Learn alot from this forum..now i can know more abt western women.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (485 days ago)
calendargirl
you are so on the money, I feel the same way too about dating in HK. sad really when I have nice girls back in U.K who I could date and are also future wife material, But my career etc lies in HK. thus I have to sacrifice one or the other.
typical huh.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by chinapumpman (485 days ago)
calendargirl...no problem..it was fun..
dont date anymore...u mean men...or have u switched sides..just interested...
as for kopfan888
yeh man what a bummer...all those wife material back home in the rain...and u here in hong kong..
what a sacrfice..
do u have the sackcloth on today...it must be very itchy as it is affecting ur thought process...
if they are so wife material invite them to HK...
I think NOT...!!!
(I am based in Guangzhou)
Posted by kopfan888 (485 days ago)
I have my cerruti suit on today so no sackcloth for me, they don't want to settle in hk no career prospects for them. thats the problem.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Mobile.Fidelity (485 days ago)
Whats the problem, people wear suits in LKF, it is the Central business district after all.
Why is that such an issue among some of you ?
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by calendargirl (485 days ago)
Thanks Kopfan888 for your comment. You're right not to lower your standards just to have 'someone' here. It is just too devastating to be with someone who just doesn't get it and never will. Really wish you well with the girls back home - probably a much more reliable and knowable prospect for you if you can manage the career element eventually, or if they are prepared to have a family with you here.
And no Chinapumpman, haven't changed side - quite amazed that you think Lesbians are merely disaffected heterosexuals. Quite insulting to them I think. I just prefer not to initiate relationships I already know the endings to.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by St Kilda Beach (485 days ago)
Car Lover, I don't recall mentioning the word suit in any of my posts, being well dressed, is be that what it may. concentrate sonny.
Being happily married for 14 years, my wife and I tend to compliment each other, via how we dress while out in public, a mutual respect for one another. Pride ?
The logic that leaps out at me, LKF neigbhours Hong Kongs financial hub, most xpats who finish work, usually drop down to Soho, Loho, or LKF for a drink at their usual haunt. So its a normal sight to see people wearing business attire.
Our appearance is our first consideration, no different to admiring a well dressed woman who has a classically understated look. Not glam, not casual, somewhere in the middle.
It goes both ways, generally birds of a feather, flock together, sometimes that internal wiring gets crossed up mentally, wanting something that they themselves are not and vice versa.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (485 days ago)
calendargirl
Thanks, but I guess I'm just going to have to put any serious relationships etc on hold for now. Not my choice but present circumstances dictate this situation I'm in.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by calendargirl (485 days ago)
Well that, Kopfan, I can completely understand. I'm the same... work is the main game here. No point in self-sabotaging one's life on wrong relationships.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (485 days ago)
ah indeed, can't have any distractions at the moment either, And relationships are expensive to maintain too especially when I'm trying to launch a business! haha
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Island Hopper (485 days ago)
Mobile.Fidelity: there's no problem in suits per se -- I wear a suit in a bar, if i go there from work, too.
Anyway, it sometimes make me laugh in LKF if I meet people who have dressed up in suits just for going to LKF and distributing their "CEO" business cards to everyone around and telling about their "success". Believe it or not, sometimes you really meet such people there.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (485 days ago)
Island Hopper
That wouldn't happen to be l*x would it? witnessed that sort of thing a few times too there.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by St Kilda Beach (485 days ago)
Kopfan it sounds like that or LDV.
Being married, typically our group of friends are all married, find this whole dating dysfunction rather comical and a tad sad. Is it really that hard for some of you ? I just don't see it ...
Just mingle with people, most that I have come accross in LKF are usually friendly, if you speak to people without any strings, you just might connect with someone..
Wouldnt that be an amazing improvment. :)
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Island Hopper (485 days ago)
kopfan888: Actually I don't have any experience from that bar, but this tradition seems to be as old as LKF as an entertainment district...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by St Kilda Beach (485 days ago)
Maybe some of you should wear a T shirt with, HEY I'm single ! printed on it.
By Crickey ! Girls just might make the effort to approach you... lol
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (485 days ago)
Nah I think having a t-shirt with your current bank balance would work better in HK!
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by St Kilda Beach (485 days ago)
Yeah I agree, wearing any jacket during the height of a August summer would be gimp like.
I just checked the outside temperature, could it really be 18 degrees C outside right now ?
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Island Hopper (485 days ago)
Indeed, for some of us it's a t-shirt weather.
Just imagine the suffering during the summer months...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by mimi001 (485 days ago)
Calendargirl I totally agree with you. Back home I regularly dated and always had a bunch of male buddies. I have been single here for over 5 years (except for a two month blunder) and I have very few male friends. The dynamic between men and women is very different here. I am happy in many ways. I love my job, I have a great bunch of female friends, I participate in volunteer work and have some hobbies I am passionate about. When I watch the circus at LKF I believe that I am not missing out on anything, I would have never liked these men and what they stand for anyway. So it is no loss to me!
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by csun009 (485 days ago)
Calendargirl, I could relate to your cynism although I have an oriental face (but grew up in the West) and only been in HK for 1.5 yrs. Dated some high flyers. After the initial heat and when I sat down with them checking out what they were really after from a relationship --- being looked after, being supported to climb up the corporate ladder, being sextually satisfied, etc etc --- I seriously believed all of them should marry their maids!!!
Then bang, I met my current bf 3 months ago after I've given up on men. He said that he had well passed the party and fool around stage and now just want to have a serious relationship. So far so good. I am still cynical and often joke that he might disappear the next day. But, I am not silly so could tell that he is genuine and me too.
Believe women can live very happily without men. However, just be open-minded. Your Mr. Right might just be around the corner! Good luck.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Island Hopper (485 days ago)
"--- being looked after, being supported to climb up the corporate ladder, being sextually satisfied, etc etc ---"
Do you find all this somehow negative? A relationship that is based only on talking about philosophy is called a platonic one...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by calendargirl (484 days ago)
Mimi, yes... best to do here what guys anywhere usually do - i.e. take care of business first. For a woman, it's more important than ever to make sure one has a career or some life-skills to fall back on. Relationships are nowhere near as secure as they once might have been, and in this town, they are subject to so many issues and pressures that to put the primary emphasis there is naive. Even so, I think we women ought to support each other more in expecting men to behave decently, and realise that women are the emotional core of a family. A good male partner has to have a strong sense of responsibility to his partner and family... I think here, this element can become ravaged and self-indulgence can set in.
Csun, I was very impressed by your story. I really hope all goes well for you, and thanks for your well wishes. Actually, I have been happily married in the past, and so know what a good relationship is. People die. This is a reality to me... and so I see the other side of things - and what is important. It's so boring to see people acting so stupid and ruining their relationships for transient things.
Island Hopper... I don't think there is anything wrong with all of those things that Mimi says the men she dated wanted... it's just - well, SHE is not on the list! It's a self-centred (rather than platonic) list. Nowhere is there mention of finding someone who one wants to love, understand, cherish and develop a life with.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by voiceofreason (484 days ago)
first: well done, cheesypeasplease (or Ed) - i notice the forum title has changed from "chicks" to "women" ;-)
second: calendargirl, despite your cynicism - and i'm sorry for whatever it is that happened to you which has made you so cynical (i have days like that too) - i wholeheartedly agree with you about women achieving true independence in work and relationships, and thus being free not to tolerate unacceptable behavior from men.
(I am based in Manila)
Posted by calendargirl (484 days ago)
Darling... let me say this... nothing 'happened to me' to make me cynical. Quite the reverse actually. Had a wonderful experience of courtship, marriage and love... Quite prepared to try again... then... Hong Kong - Wow! Ha!!!
I get to see what dating, conversation etc... means in this context... what an eye-opener! I can only say, dear girls and boys, that I find it all below par! I am sorry - oh, yes... surely must me MY FAULT! Of course, what other logic could be admitted, of course, I WOULD HAVE TO BE THE CYNICAL ONE who thinks this all all par for the course for men and women to be self-seeking scrubbers out for a nature run.
I'm sorry... The standard of behaviour here is definitely too low for me. I am happy to work here, and have an interesting life (La Boheme tonight... Mozart on Saturday - brunch on Sunday etc....) but don't expect me to jossle with the crowd at the Rugby 7s and pretend that I am interested in the game when the sole reason everyone is there is just to be there....
Listen... I'm happy if you guys go out there and 'Do yah thang' whatever it is... Just don't call me cynical or somehow dysfunctional for not thinking it's kinda worthy... you know...
Reading these posts, I wonder about the standard of education of so many people - particularly in reference to logical thinking...
To my mind it's non sequitur to think that lesbians are simply male haters, women who prefer not to date boring, drunken, broken down, impotent expats are somehow 'troubled' or 'damaged'.
Really, for goodness sakes...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (484 days ago)
calendargirl
You are so right, the dating game here is so much different from what I'm used to, And yes the rugby 7's. No different to LKF on a weekend night but with a bit of sport thrown in.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by calendargirl (484 days ago)
Bless you Kopfan... finding a like mind is, as Epicurius says, a prerequisite to happiness...
Hope we can both endure our stays here...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by kopfan888 (484 days ago)
ah indeed, I'm sure we'll make it even though I'm heading back to London for a while next week, waiting for certain companies to pull their finger out and make a decision.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by chinapumpman (484 days ago)
calendargirl and kopfan888
whilst we are all enjoying this little love fest it would seem that u r both critical of a place which i assume is giving you a good life.
most likely far superior to the one you had previously.
one cannot condone what happens here but we also cannot change it..there are too few who wish to.
all we can do is enjoy what we do, keep away from the other happenings and enjoy asia for what it is..
one of the most beautiful, diverse and interesting places on earth.
if one is "enduring" a stay then surely it is time to find "happiness" in an alternative venue.
as for the comments on lesbiens etc..i for one never made any detrimental remarks, only politely enquired if u did not date males as u seemed, to me, to be cynical of their nature here in HK.
everyone has their faults i am sure you would agree and asia has a tendency to bring out the worst in western men...
being one i do not find it very amusing either but whether it is right or wrong is not my call, it is their life and at the end of the day they must answer to themselves...i am sure many of them end up lonely and wonder...what if.
education level regarding logic..mmmm...an interesting one..
i have found that sometimes there is no logic..and to try and define it here in asia...is illogical..
i am sure even mr spock in star trek would have issues here...
that is of course if u had the intellect to watch it..haha
anyway i digress..
kopfan888 at least u can go back and watch ur beloved liverpool..i assume and enjoy some of the "wife" material that u seem to miss...
i have found that after a sabbatical of 3 years from asia....i was desperate to get back...as was my family...
we all missed the freedom...the respect and the friendliness of the asian people..
(I am based in Guangzhou)
Posted by kopfan888 (484 days ago)
chinapumpman
I am asian and of course growing up in U.K know exactly what western men are like when it comes to the dating game and HK brings out the worst in them especially those with 'yellow fever'
In HK its more game playing etc here and of course people seem to be a lot more shallow thats what myself and Calendargirl have noticed etc. I'm not enduring a stay far from it, I'm here to further my career and make money thats all. Finding the love of my life is not high on my list of priorities right now, If it happens great but its not the be all and end all of life and I don't see it as some sort of holy grail.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Cheesypeasplease (484 days ago)
my 2 cents? If you judge HK by 200sqm (LKF)then Im not really surprised if people dont feel any kind of deep attachment to the place. As for people being more sleazy/cheap/tacky or whatever you want to call it, try any major town anywhere. There are clubs in the uk that by the end of the evening everyone is pashing everyone- dont really see these kind of meat markets here (exception of select girlie bars in wanchai maybe). Cliched, but I find in HK, people who move here, work non-stop and then ask what the place owes them, wont enjoy it.. the ones who try exploring, have a more open mind, leave the central/wanchai/midlevels triangle.. end up loving the place and dont want to leave... I maybe biased, having grown up here.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
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