4 yr old does not want to talk

Posted by missmuffet (410 days ago)

Hi,
My son is almost 4yrs old, I'm getting worried because - He refuses to talk once we r out of the house. Actually he can speak fluently, but only wants to speak to me,daddy,helper and sister. When it comes to anyone else even his best friends with whom he plays very often he wouldn't speak at all and does only sign language.
He goes to kindi, I have spoken with his teachers, they said they can see a slight improvement and he would improve later.
I had a talk with him yesterday and tried to coax him to speak with others, he told me that, "I don't want to speak"! I said mom can't do the talking for u every time we go out, to this he said that ok I will stay at home, I don't want to go out.He would be going to primary next sep and for that he would be interviewed, if he doesn't speak up then he might not get in.
What should we do? Except for not talking, overall he's very normal. His age now is 3yrs and 10 mts.Any advise would be appreciated

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Find what you are after in our Hong Kong A-Z Directory

Posted by cammy1 (410 days ago)

Ignore it, he will talk when he needs to. The more anxious you get, the more he will resist.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by MayC (410 days ago)

I agree. I think it's best to ignore him and don't do the talking for him. Sooner or later, he will realise that it is not fun when others can't give him what he wants.

He's still very young - at 3 years and 10 months. At this stage, they will TRY anything and everything to worry us.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Nuri (409 days ago)

I wouldn't ignore it. Socializing is very important at this age. If a child avoids it all the time there may be some kind of phychological issue. May be or may be not. I'd approach a therapist first.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Claire (409 days ago)

Please my answer in your thread under Moms & Dads about selective mutism - this is a psychological disorder and should not be ignored.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by missmuffet (409 days ago)

Tks everyone,Claire I actually approached a Dr today, he ruled out autism and asked me to see a therapist to assess. Can anyone recommend any good Dr regarding this issue.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by missmuffet (406 days ago)

Hi,
The clinical psychologists have a sky rocketting fees, eg $3000 for 1 hr, our insurance doesn't cover this. The govt hopspitals have a long waiting list at least 3 mts.Can anyone reccomend someone who is good and a fare price.Tks.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by marigold (406 days ago)

Try bribing him. I had the exact same problem when I was in Kindergarten. All my classmates thought that I was mute and my father had to surreptiously tape-record me talking at home in order to convince the school administration that I didn't need to be moved to a Special Education school.

My Kindergarten teacher managed to get me to talk to others by bribing me with a trip to her house and some cool toys.

Incentives are very good motivator at that age.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Lee Holland (406 days ago)

It's uncommon, but not usually too concerning. One thing to watch out for is that he doesn't start trying to talk when his baby teeth fall out, or he'll likely have a speech impediment once the adult teeth grow his tongue will push against a gap that no longer exists.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Pine (405 days ago)

I watched an UK (could be a BBC production) documentary about 2 months ago on a young lad about Primary 1 with the exact problem. Claire is right on the button on this.

I have used pychologist at the HK Chinese U. They are excellent and of course speak English. If you want help to find someone, PM me. I can source for someone for you via the Professorts in the dept. I think very highly of the Chinese U training which happends to be along the American style.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by missmuffet (405 days ago)

Tks Pine,
I'm not being able to pm,Not getting it right, how do I pm.I would appreciate the info about Chinese u.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by missmuffet (405 days ago)

Marigold,I'll try the bribing method too,how old were you when you started talking i.e after the incentives.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by marigold (400 days ago)

I was about 5 years old when I was bribed into talking to people. My parents tried to reason with me as to why it was important to talk to people and socialize but I recall thinking that even though I agreed with them, it still wasn't enough to get me to open my mouth. When I finally started talking (a word here and there), my kindergarten classmates shrieked in surprise.

Fun and games, with no pressure were effective motivaters. My Kindergarten teacher was pretty smart.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by missmuffet (399 days ago)

Tks Marigold, makes me feel much better. I hope as he gets older he would shed his anxiety. We would also be showing him to a child psych. to get an assessment.

(I am based in Hong Kong)