Families of Gifted Children?

I've posted on here before to see if anyone out there has gifted children. We have been here for 2 years now and I have found there are no support groups as such for English speakers. Where we lived before residing in HK, we belonged to a lovely group where the parents would get together informally (over coffee or dinner) and talk about our unusual kids (or not!), offer support and advice, our children would play together. Is there anything similar in HK or is anyone keen to start something similar?

i tend to think all parents in hk think their kids are gifted...

A very academic and well thought out response cookie09. Really, what was you intention when posting this comment?


Your thoughts are odd though. I think you were meant to say that parents in HK value education far more than the average Gweilo and if there are any educational benefits, opportunities or experiences, then the average HK parent will seize it. You should know that you cannot make a gifted child. They are born this way.


btw, my ethnicity sits in both camps. I am Eurasian.

why do you want to group gifted children together? i believe that all children should get to know children from different backgrounds and parents should not exhibit this kind of behaviour. what about families that do not have gifted children?

my point was that in hong kong, parents tend to overestimate their children's educational capabilities even more than in the west. as such, i would venture that you could ask a room full of average hk parents about whether they have a gifted child, and everyone would put their hand up.


just telling you how it is...nothing else

i often wonder as to the benefits of 'labeling.'


children should be around their peers whether gifted or not.


as _sally says, there isn't a need to group gifted children together as all gifted children are different anyway, what use is there to put them together. the parents can meet, but the children shouldn't need to be together. the children are intellectually gifted, but socially, they should be with children their own age.


doesn't labeling them gifted put a certain amount of pressure on them?


how about not giving labels but simply provide more intellectually stimulating experiences for ur children that are at their level?

it's also ironic how labeling a child as "gifted" somehow seems to me to be a way of masking or reducing the stigmatism of some other not-so-good label/diagnosis (eg. AD/HD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

As I read some of the responses from michelley and sally, I can't help but get cross. I am trying to be calm whilst typing but let me ask you if you have gifted children? Let me tell you that many gifted children prefer the company of like minded people (but don't we all?) and have you ever witnessed your child choosing not to play with same age peers because their cognitive abilities are different? When like-minded people get together they naturally gel. It is healthy for like-minded people to get together and talk and discuss and in children's cases, play. That is why all over the world there are groups for this and that. Social groups for the gifted are a good thing and they work very well for my children thank you very much.


Sally, what do you mean by your comment "....parents should not exhibit this kind of behaviour"? Do you mean singling our children out? Let me ask you what you would do if your child was a champion swimmer? Would you say, "Oh, but he is 6 so he needs to be with the other 6 year olds even though they are only learning how to doggy paddle." Would you leave it at that? Have you ever seen a sheet music book that says, "For 8 year olds only"? No, it is based on level rather than chronological age. So, what sort of behaviour am I exhibiting by saying I wish for my son to play with other children whose brains are wired similarly? It's not a bad thing at all, contrary to your uninformed 'beliefs'. Do you want me to say he should only play with 6 year olds even though he craves friendships with children who are either chronologically or cognitively older. "Sorry darling, but you can't play with the big kids or gifted kids but only other 6 year olds." Adults can seek out friendships easily but children are limited by school and where their parents take them. You cannot honestly be saying I am doing the wrong thing here?


As for michelley's comments,"...the children are intellectually gifted, but socially, they should be with children their own age."


If you have read anything about Giftedness, it is usual for the gifted child to be socially advanced also so to be 'hanging out' with children who are years younger cognitively can be a frustrating situation for the GT child. Oh wait, let's apply that rule to everything....let us put an All Black in a secondary school team because you know what? He's 18 and just because that AB is a talented player, we have decided that because he is only 18, then he cannot be put into a team that exhibits similar aptitude as someone out there thinks it is a good idea to group this team by age.


"....doesn't labeling them gifted put a certain amount of pressure on them?"

Um, research says no. There are other 'labels' such as talented, advanced, etc etc. At the end of the day, humans will categorise and label. This group of students are unique and they have very unique needs. Should I call them, "The-group-whose-brains-were-different-at-birth-therefore-they-need-more-stimulation" My children know they are different....it is nice for them to know there are others out there similar and I also have no problems in telling my son he is a Mensan either- whoops! dare I say it! another label. And he is Eurasian (another label) and what if he were diabetic? another label?


"...how about not giving labels but simply provide more intellectually stimulating experiences for ur children that are at their level?"


Oh michelley, I do, I do, I do. He goes to international school where his so called educators have the same attitude as other on this thread so therefore we have to home school him outside of school hours so that he is being 'intellectually stimulated'. But, the school thinks that a child of 6 who knows the properties of the periodic table, can tell you about cell biology, reads Harry Potter and reference books galore, can do computer programming, knows nearly all the world flags, that because he is 6, he must play and 'learn' with other 6 years olds who still can't read because that is the dysfunctional rule of the so-called progressive Western world. So, we provide our children with everything they need and crave which their schools do not.


cara, we had our oldest boy tested by an educational psychologist as we knew he was different. We will test our middle boy this year. PM with some more questions if you like so as to avoid the wrath of the ignorant.


C

Cara, there are many lists like this on the characteristics of the gifted child...


http://www.mcgt.net/Articles/checklist.html


When you compare a gifted child to any other, more often than not it is very obvious they are different if you know what you are looking for.


I suggest you read this excellent paper written by Stephanie S. Tolan, called "Is it a Cheetah?"


http://www.stephanietolan.com/is_it_a_cheetah.htm


And I finish with a few quotes:


You don’t have the moral right to hold one child back to make another child feel better. – Stephanie Tolan


All of us do not have equal talent, but all of us should have an equal opportunity to develop our talent. – John F. Kennedy


The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal. – Aristotle


C

seems you're a bit angry there, cagent ;-)


but anyway, your post raises some issues and happy to learn something more on my side.


"If you have read anything about Giftedness, it is usual for the gifted child to be socially advanced also so to be 'hanging out' with children who are years younger cognitively can be a frustrating situation for the GT child."


can you quote some research on the above statement? i believe this might be a quite debated point (but maybe i am ignorant and it's actually not debated anymore).

cagent, i apologize if you felt offense from my post. i was simply curious about the views of others. i of course have little information regarding gifted children, and what i put there were simply thoughts i had and wondered if anyone could enlighten me regarding my views. i was in no way criticizing you.


regarding the views of your son's school. i think it is not really their view regarding giftedness, rather and most likely their lack of experienced teachers and resources regarding this; hence, they have acted in such a way.


i understand your feelings and your son's feelings about feeling different from other children and that would make him unhappy i'm sure. just that my feeling for putting labels on children is that it can work for some and not for others, like all things. and if it works for your son to help him understand himself better than that's good.


"If you have read anything about Giftedness, it is usual for the gifted child to be socially advanced also so to be 'hanging out' with children who are years younger cognitively can be a frustrating situation for the GT child."


this statement bothers me though. when i was thinking about socializing, i was thinking purely about playing. not discussions about skills or intellect. your son being 6 years old though, he should have interests like other 6 year olds, right? i dunno, like Ben 10, Transformers etc? that was what i was thinking about when i was talking about socializing.

@ cagent


saw your message on getting your kids tested. Did you get your kid tested in HK and at what age? How much did it cost, please?


I feel that my kid is "likely" to be gifted. She is 3.5 years old, and speaks english, cantonese and mandarin pretty fluently. She also reads english and mandarin probably to a level of a 6 year old. Recently she started to write the alphabet, words and numbers, and can count to 50 in different languages and do basic addition and subtraction.


In terms of discussions, she does analyse things like an adult, understanding alot about weather systems, ageing and death, human biology... etc. she has quite an appetite for knowledge.


In the past, she only liked playing and talking to adults, complaining that the other kids cried too much and did not know how to speak. Recently, she has started to play more with her peers because they have started to speak a bit more. i think its good for kids to have a mix of peers.. some at the same level intellectually and some not. maybe it makes little difference when kids are 3.5, especially as they are still pretty fascinated with stealing each others toys. As kids grow older i think the incompatibility might become significant.

Sellenger, your point reminds me. I know a family whose daughter displayed incredible intelligence/physical ability at an early age: walked up the stairs by herself, knew the alphabets (lower and upper case) at 9 months, was bilingual/spoke in sentences at 1, opened a locked car door at 2 (was accidentally locked in by her grandmother), and called the police at 3 when her mother was sick. And many more. Hard to believe but all true. While everyone excitedly told the parents to put her in gifted programs, her parents actually went in the other direction (to the horror of many strongly opinionated people). They just wanted her to be a well-adjusted, normal child who can relate to her peers. I have to admit. I thought they were making a mistake too. She is now 12, very popular among her classmates, gets straight A's, and drives her parents crazy with all her preteen angst. But her parents would not have it any other way. Now that I have kids, I know how badly I want my children to be able to extract joy from their friendships/relationships. So my conclusion is that while there is nothing wrong with helping children advance their academic minds, that shouldn't come at the cost of social/peer skills. Especially in this age when we live so close to one another yet social interactions are at all time low. Is it possible to have both? I mean, we're not talking about just intelligent/smart people. We're talking about truly gifted people whose brains are wired entirely differently (as in abnormal).

Hi Cagent,

Just saw this email thread. Are u still keen to start a support group? If you are , can u email me at juringoh@hotmail.com.

I am keen to find out more.


Thanks

cagent - you sound like a Tiger mom. If your son's school is like mine, then there are many opportuinties to "upscale" your child's education. eg Peer-to-peer tutoring, volunteer work, extracurricular activiities like Math club, science clubs, design tech, plays, drama club, etc. Many thing to keep "gifted" child stimulated.

Jurinhoh, I emailed you just now....


Philly Cheese...My sons' school is taking more of an interest and I am happy at present with son number 1 and his education, but son number 2 has just been assessed and is in the 99th percentile but I am not entirely happy with what he is receiving at school. Son number 2 is very different to his older brother so has different needs but it seems that enrichment in any shape or form does not happen unless I do a bit of moaning and groaning.


And as for being a Tiger Mum? Is that meant to be a compliment or a jibe?

Hi, I've been along to some events at The Hong Kong Academy of Gifted Education that were very interesting. Perhaps they can help you with contacts.

Hi, I find the above discussion is very interesting. I can see the different perspectives and interpretation about giftedness, plus the needs of parents with gifted children. Hence, I would like to give a hand on supporting the establishment of a parent support group based on my professional knowledge and research studies.

I visited the Harbour School which is an international school with IEP for all students. They seem to have a lot of gifted children there so you might want to contact them to see if they have a support group. Here is their website - http://www.theharbourschool.edu.hk/