Posted by
Ed
11 yrs ago
http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2013/01/why-parents-need-to-let-their-children-fail/272603/
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This is the article I was looking for! I'm in the middle of this right now. Tired of fighting, nagging, bribing, cajoling, punishing, rewarding my middle-schooler to just do his homework. He NEEDS to find some self-motivation and I'm obviously not doing a good job of instilling one in him. The way I see it, he's got 4-5 years to find some strong self-motivation or his life's path is going to be severely limited. At his age, I don't think he can imagine how detrimental that will be; what an immense difference it will make in his life.
He's a really bright kid, things tend to come easy to him, but most of the time, he just can't be bothered. All of our efforts have a great but short-lived effect, even if the reward or punishment is long-term. How far is one supposed to allow their child to fail without stepping in? Flunk out of school? IMHO, that is too much. Just carry on diligently and hope that one day the nagging sticks in his brain!?
Anyone have any advice?
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Patient!? I'm American! This is 2013! I wanna quick fix, a pill. There's gotta be an app for that! (LOL)
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kylcheung: He is 12. At this age, his older brother was so independent, I barely knew what homework he had.
I know there is time. I know that this 'let them fail' strategy is a good one that will be inevitable someday, but when and how far can one let them fail? At this age, he is and isn't able to see that far down the road to his future consequences.
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HKLEV
11 yrs ago
Just a suggestion: Do you reward/praise him for effort and completion? (instead of outcome)
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@HKLEV; Yes, very much. And he himself feels fantastic and is skipping around the flat when he does finish something, yet the next time, it's the same ol' same ol' story. Like pulling teeth from a mule. I can only think as Chinese Emilene says, patience and perseverance and maybe one day it will sink in. (?) Any other suggestions would be welcome!
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20417
11 yrs ago
Get a decelerate app.
Dilemmas are insoluble otherwises they wouldn't be dilemmas.
Anyway, stop buzzing please. Thanks.
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