9 years old steels money daughter

My sister's daughter (named N) aged 9 stole money from her maid, home and sold octpous a few number of times.



then my sister beat her and her daugher reported to the social worker at school. recently, N injured her self and reported to her school that her mother phyiscally abused her and now N is admitted to the hospital scince last 2 weeks.


N now is saying to ther social worker that she does't want to go home but wants to live with her friend. She is also demanding a lot of things and money.



And the social worker and the hospital staff are co-operating with N that my sister should allow N to stay with her friend rather then going to her own home. Which sounds rediclus, as my sister dont even know who this friend is, weather its a friend from school or a man from outside.


what should we do to bring her home. should we report to the police

why would your sister beat her???

Your sister or anyone beating a nine year old is an extremely serious offence and the child will be admitted straight to hospital both for medical assessment and her protection.


Arrangments for her care on release will depend on results of a case conference involving medical social and police input.

Afsah, I feel for your sister because I too have a 9 year old daughter. At this stage, it's really tough because they are stubborn and want to exercise independence. If you are lucky, you have a kid who is quiet and is well behaved. But there are kids like mine who also like to push limits.


Your sister's probably tried the soft approach before resorting to smacking. For any parent, smacking is usually the last resort and I can see why your sister did it with all the stealing and lying. As a result of the smacking, the daughter probably hates her mum and feels that the grass is greener elsewhere. Then with the social worker and hospital involved, her daughter probably feels her actions (lying) are justified.


However, bear in mind that a 9 year old girl is quite capable of knowing what is right or wrong, even if they strongly deny it. She knows stealing was not right and she knows it was wrong to lie about her injuries. While it is awful to have her stay elsewhere, I think I would let it be, however ridiculous it sounds. If you beg her to come home, she'll end up having the upper hand and demanding more from your sis. Plus she'll think it is okay to repeat the process at anytime in future so that her mum will give in. If her daughter feels she's better off elsewhere at her friend's place, then maybe it's best to let her go there. The thing is, this is always "temporary". Her friend's parents aren't going to want her there forever, then where will she go after? She's after all, only 9 and still young. I think I would tell her that if it makes her feel happy, you'll allow her to stay at her friend's. Tell her that your house is always open for her to come home because it is also her house but she has household rules that she must abide by if she comes back.


I would also speak to the social worker because as a parent, you have a right to know which friend she is living with and if you can at least speak to the parents so that at least you have a peace of mind that she's safe and at least get to know what their family dynamics are like, as well as what her friend's parents think. The last thing you need is parents who encourage rebellion.



As for demanding her personal belongings, I would give them to her. I would give money ONLY to her friend's parents and NOT directly to her, under the understanding that the money is only used for things that are neccesary.


I haven't been in that situation so I'm not totally sure if those are the things I would do... just a guess.


When I ask my daughter to do things and she misbehaves, I simply take her dinner plate away or switch off the tv or take priviledges away from her (like the activities she loves, the remote control, the telephone, computer etc). I switch off the lights in the bathroom if she takes an hour long shower and I leave her out in the living room on her own if she doesn't want to sleep and I go to my room. I'm of course awake and perfectly alert so I can hear her, with bells on the front door as "ornaments', so I told her. I tell her she can switch off the lights when she's ready for bed. She hates it that I do this and she tells me she hates me. So I tell her that if she doesn't like me, the door is that way (I point to the door). I'm okay if she doesn't want to do her school homework. She simply gets kept in after lunch during playtime (so her teachers assure me). For extra educational classes outside, like for maths, if she doesn't do her homework after 3 times, I simply quit her classes. She knows she's improved so much eversince she's started outside classes for maths. I'm quite happy for her NOT to do well if she chooses she doesn't want to. Ultimately, I'm not training a child to be a genius in maths at her age, rather I'm training a child who knows about consequences, who will take responsibility and control over her life and knows that she needs to work hard in order to achieve results. She won't if I shoulder this responsiblity for her like I did in the past.


I don't know if this is the right advice or if I'm doing the right thing myself with my 9 year old so I welcome criticism or alternative views if others care to share theirs.


I too am guilty of smacking mine on the bum when I can't take it.

I just read your posts and felt the need to reply as I feel these are awful situations. As the saying goes, its easily to parent other kids!!


However, I understand your predicament as I have a young child also. The first thing I want to say is that no child is premanently well behaved and every child likes to push limits so your children are no different than mine/others. The difference may be how you deal with these problems.


Personally I dont think you can ever disown your own child. They are your ultimate responsibility and whilst they constantly misbehave, this may be a reflection of parenting in the past. Be that as it may, you need to deal with what you have now. I dont think you should ever advise your child to leave home - maybe one day they do and do something harmful to themselves, you will always regret it. Maybe there is a reason for this behaviour. Have you sat down with your chiild and asked what problems they encounter, why are they behaving like this. You mention how you deny them priviledges, do you offer them priviledges when things are good and they behave better. Its a two way street.


9 year olds may be experiencing difficult situations at school or at home or just being a 9 year old that its hard for adults to understand. There are 101 reasons why they are behaving like this. If a child says they hate you, you have obviously done / said something to make them feel like this or not trust you. I have two sisters with 9 / 10 / 11 year old boys and they would never 'ever' speak to their mothers like that. My child would never speak to me like that. I never spoke to my parents like that. Its about respect and only you can teach them that. Best to start at a young age but never too late !


What I want to say is try really hard to reason with them. Dont say go - this makes them feel even worse, like you dont care. First you must show them respect and they in turn will show to you. Like you say 9 year olds have their own mind so treat them like 9 year olds with their own mind - respect.


I totally understand your frustration and sometimes its easy to lash out or take priviledges from them. I work full time and sometimes I get home after a hard day and my child really tests my patience. But what I say to myself is this is our time together, there are rules in our house and there is respect for my child and in return I get respect. When things are tough, i just try to reason and let them know why I turned TV off or rather say its dinnertime, TV off, either you turn it off or I will and within count of 3 I will if you dont. Allowing them to take the action and telling them why does help heaps. Sometimes you have to decide if its worth arguing over but start with small things. If my child does not share, i say next time I have something I wont share with you and then he realises the loss the next time. When he shares I say thank you for sharing. How often do you tell your child that you love them - this builds trust, confidence and respect. So next time you find yourself in a barney, just think about the situation, calmly explain why they cant do whatever and once they go with you, say thank you and explain how life is much better when they co-operate. Later treat them, even something small, by watching a TV programme with them and have a laugh.


I wonder do these children of 9 help around the house? Do they have chores to do? Do they cook with you and have fun? Do you sit and have meals and share your day's stories. Is helper / parents doing everything for them? If they have time on their hands to be naughty, give them some chores to do, occupies their mind and keeps them from misbehaving. These kids tend to be spoilt and later rebel if asked to do anything.


Finally sort it now or problems will only get worse as they get older. Make rules and stick to them for both you and children. Show respect and it will be returned. Hitting / beating is not acceptable and not the way to go. It basically only makes them hate you even more. Think about it, would you love someone who beats you? Would you prefer someone who reasons with you, even if you're not always right?


The main reason your child says they prefer not to live with you is because they dont like you in their minds. Whilst they may have their own minds, they are 9 and still children, who need guidance, to show respect and to understand that your reasoning is for the best.


Look after your children and they will look after you - good luck :)-