Perspectives welcome

Hi,

So I find myself a bit confused as I am new to this whole live-in helper situation. There are a few issues that have come up and I would like to know if:

(A) are these usual "first month" issues
(B) a sign that things will get worse

the issues are:

- taking my kids out without letting us know and also not having credit on the phone to call/text us

- had not been cleaning/ventilating her own room and has mould growing around the windows and cieling (only room in our apt to have mould on the windows etc)

- going on a personal shopping trip during a grocery trip and taking almost 2 hours to do this without letting me know

- not following instructions/agreeing to them without fully understanding Eg. - do not feed this food to the baby, it's too spicy - then she does anyway.

- asking her to avoid cold drinks when the baby is sick - she gives them to her anyway and says "the drink is not cold, it's just the cup that is cold."

I don't want to jump to conclusions and try to see the best in her but what are your thoughts/perspectives?

3 replies

Oldest first

Oldest first Newest first

lilgraycat · 12 June

I would start looking for a new helper, it looks like you've hired someone who is lazy and not interested in doing a good job, and it is too risky to have someone like that taking care of young kids. Some HK parents would have fired her on the spot for disappearing with the kids without notice. If you really want to give her a chance perhaps you can give her written offenses to let her know that you're serious, and tell her that she'll be fired after X number of offenses.

ABSN · 12 June

Hi ARJD, 1. It would help to give the helper written guidelines on important issues which are non-negotiable such as taking children without your knowledge and permission and leaving home without a working phone, children's food/routine and standard of hygiene you expect to maintain etc etc. You could write it down, explain it to her, ask her to repeat and then put it on the fridge or somewhere where she can refer to it when in doubt. 2. When you send her out with kids or to shopping or ask her to do any work, try and give her very clear instructions, slowly and ask her to repeat what you have said to ensure that you both are on the same page especially if her language capability is not fluent. 3. It is important to remember that most helpers are not trained domestics and your helper may be doing this job for the first time in life and her past experience as a farmer, vegetable vendor, nurse, teacher or a sales person may be very different to working in a home in HK. 4. If you do not see improvement within a week or two of adopting a systematic approach then it is a matter of attitude, work style and understanding in which case you both would be better of in looking at other options especially if you are a working mother with young children. 5. Most helpers with good nature and attitude learn fast and able to perform domestic functions fairly quickly especially if they care for their job and stability. But you can't have much luck with the job gypsies. Hope this help

ARJD OP · 12 June

Thank you both. We are coming up to month 3 and no improvement. You were spot on with lack of interest and laziness. She will be gone soon.