Why maids do not reciprocate

Hello. So sorry to hear of your pain. I think in future it will be wise NOT to treat them as if they were a part of the family. I prefer West Javanese Indinesian maids to Filipina's. Here is something you might want to read. Read More Hope you find a good maid. They are hard to find.

Hmmm....so sad u found helpers like those. Personally speaking, as a first time domestic helper here in hongkong, me myself has been an employer too back in the Phil's.where I had 7 workers in my business and home. 4 for my internet cafe and printing services, 1 for my grocery store ,1 for the household works and 1 nanny for my american boy. Now myself a helper in hongkong....I have to do what I used to tell my helpers. Do your job for the advantage of ur employer so she can pay you good in return.

Hi Puppytoes, Thanks for sharing. Actually I've been advised by friends as well never to treat maids like family and always strictly maintain a employer-employee relationship. But sharing such a small living space here and they take care of my young children, I don't want to have a tense relationship with them. I had local nannies before. They are nice and they diligently do their jobs well. I'm just wondering from a humanity point of view why maids would act differently. Why west Javanese? I see in general, majority of Indonesian maids are more humble and hardworking. My current one is Indonesian and she speaks Javanese. She's lazy. Perhaps my luck maybe. All my 3 maids have 1 things in common apart from being lazy. They sleep very late at night (probably doing facebook). And in the day when they have to care for the children, they appear tired and sleepy. And what they do? They carry my baby to sleep and sleep together on the couch. Sigh...

Hi Marje, I wish I could easily find maids out there that think like you. I told all of maids on day 1 that I understand their objective to work as DH here is to earn money. Therefore i'm going to reward them with money for good work. I rarely see good work. Only some in the first 3 months the most. I raised my 1st maid's salary at her 4th month when I noticed she started to slack. I did talk to her about the slack but gave her the raise anyway as a form of encouragement for her. And I don't need to tell you what happened after that. She just got worse and I had to terminate her at her 9th month with me. So i'm really wondering why maids behave the way they do. I have nothing for her except kindness but they repay me by taking advantage, skiving and lying. Marje, you are new in HK. Will you still say the same after 6 months? After meeting with friends? I truly hope you will. Good and sincere maids are very hard to come by here in HK.

Yes..there are hungry, abusive, irresponsible and greedy helpers...but they are just I think 3 out of 10....and sad to know u got the 3..lol! And there are rediculous employer too that treat their helper like a slaves and robots. Like my employer. She wrote down all my tasks from 6:30am-10:00pm..minute to minute...but she never wrote down there that I need to eatt meal also...I shower...and I get tired...until she let me wrote down what do I do minute to mimute ,when they,re not home...and never even dare to ask me if I have something to eat..when she counts every food she put in the fridge and in the cabinet....sigh...

Yes Ms.Sandracg...I am naturally hardworking person that was raised by a religious parents with 10 in the family I was raised to be responsible of my brothers and sisters. As a worker once in Korea for more than 10yrs. I always have that spirit in me to work hard for the satisfaction of my employer because I always got rewarded with good camaraderie with my employer and compensated well . Tho' my present employer was quite redficuluos at first...she's touched I think with my honesty,industry and my way of dealing with her 2 kids. She has that typical Chinese traits but she could mnever find a helper that can teach good English to her children better than their teacher in school..lol...and I am appreciated.

Hi SandraCG, Is it possible to warn your helpers that they are sleeping on their jobs (due to their FB time) and it is not acceptable? They ARE putting your children in danger. I understand your point on maintaining a strictly professional relationship; but it doesn't mean you "chat" with them and what not, be personal and friendly. Say for instance you get a lot of food (cookies or so) and it's okay to share with them. NOT give them the whole box but share so that they don't steal from you. And still be firm about the work issues. For me, I think the Indonesian maids seem a better fit. I am not saying this for all but they seem to be less vain and humble as you say. They may seem a bit "lazy"; I just think they are slower or "relaxed". If you want them to do something a certain way, perhaps you need to show them step by step. I also learned some Bahasa Indonesian so that I could speak to them and I enjoyed it. I have only had bad experiences with Filipino maids and I do not prefer them at all. (hoping I do not get attacked by the DH readers here but I am entitled to express my own opinion from experience) Anyway, good luck with your helpers and I hope you do not run into more headaches. I rest my case now.

@ PUPPYTOES, i had similar experience, found indonesian to less vain and more accomodating.

I thought I wrote this post. It's my words exactly.

I think many of the helpers are numb to your kindness. They have been mistreated too many times before. I know so many local families who have had their helpers for 4 years, have great relationships with them, and the employer still doesn't renew the contract after 4 years because they don't want to pay the long service bonus. Therefore, if they think that you will eventually get rid of them no matter how good they treat you, they have no incentive to treat you well.

I am not sure about helpers being numb to kindness. I am the type of employer who does not like change, as I have no time, no energy, to continually turn over staff and retrain them. That being said, after having witnessed some horrendously outrageous behaviour from helpers, I do understand why locals do not renew their helpers visa after 4 years. Quite frequently, the first four years are good, sometimes even great. However as soon as the third contract is renewed, especially after the 5th year has been completed, a certain percentage of helpers will want to be paid out for their long service payment (which to a helper is monthly wage x2/3 x 5 years = 13,000 or so) as they want a big lump sum for whatever purpose. So your formerly diligent helper now starts to slack off, sleep in, give some attitude, enough to get themselves either terminated or not renewed. THIS IS KEY. If helpers leave of their own volition, either by ending the contract, being fired for gross misconduct or not renewing then they forfeit this large payout. If however they are let go, whether in the middle of the contract or at the end of the third contract then they will receive the 13,000. this system gives helpers perverse incentives for leaving the job after 5 years or on the 6th year. Saavy local employers are all over this like a rash. Part amicably on the fourth year and forgo the expense/heartache of a valued member of the household going rogue.

Furthermore, I just want to say that I have been fortunate that I have had helpers that have reciprocated my good ?possibly great working conditions with loyalty, hard work and warmth. I have had to terminate a few for laziness and dishonesty, and have come to the conclusion that a sizeable minority of helpers should not be helpers at all either champagne tastes on a beer wage, poor attitude, dishonest or plain unteachable. Many posters on these expat websites claim that people bang on about bad helpers but rarely sing the praises of great helpers, so the pictures is skewed that helpers just generally look bad. That is true. I think that is because mostly if your helper works well and you have a healthy relationship with her, it is just par for the course of a employer/employee relationship AND people seldom take to the web to sing about something so mundane (in all work places). But sheesh, when you have a bad helper life can really be hell.

This is so true!!