Does seperation help?

Finally...my husband agreed for trial seperation.

As long as nothing changes, I don't want to stay in our marriage for sure. And my husband doesn't take any of my complaints seriously. I needed to show him that how unhappy and really needed my own space without all the arguments, disputes...


Indeed after our decision, our relationship seems good on surface - we really behave like good friends without any sexual feeling.


I guess we both don't attach each other and don't have any expectation. Hope this helps us to make a right decision.


Is there anyone who got helped from seperation? or is this just the early stage of divorce?


Indeed I would like to hear something positive here...

Separation -- it is the beginning of the end.


Period.


Don't fool yourself and don't get fooled by people who tell you that separation will bring you closer.


Love is being together. Love is feeling the passion. Love is wanting him. Love is possessive. In any situation. After any number of years!

That's very biased and negative - i've known people split up and get back together - sometimes the parties realise what they're losing and get a different perspective on the situation (and their own behaviour)... only time will tell - good luck

I think that there are some reasons that people split up, and they just don't go away because you haven't seen the guy for a couple weeks. I mean, it depends what your complaints were, you weren't exactly detailed with your advice wanting.


If your complaints are that he doesn't spend enough time with you, then you need to help him want to spend time with you, by not complaining about how much time he spends with you when you are actually together. I learnt that one in my early twenties (which wasn't that long ago, I'm only mid-twenties now)... but like I say, depends what you're complaining about.


If you're complaining about him being flirty with other women, for example, then maybe something like that will never change, and time apart won't even make a bit of difference.


Can you give us some more details so that we can give you better advice?

Thank you all, esp. Mangotango...maybe I'm expecting similar conclusion through seperation ..


I and my husband are very different - from different countries...I'm very social, passionate and spiritual person. He's not. And we don't share any hobby. We tried but what we like was very different. At first it was good to have someone who can balance my life...but...


After 7 years, I realise we are just so different. Eventually we led seperate life still under the same roof - like housemates and no bedroom activity. I think eating out is the best thing we do together but not much talk. I'm the one who always talk. And I complained about his life style - being lazy, messy... he doesn't do excersice and has bad eating habit. I've been trying to change him but no work. And he think I'm too much focus on appearance and too active/crazy! So now I feel fed up - I just let him do whatever he wants to do. I still care about him but if I live with him like this I will hate him soon!


And we are still young no kid. But as I said before once I gave up all effort to change him we are like good friends - we cooked at home last night and had some fun talk. It's not too bad...so I think maybe seperation.


Maybe I will realise he's not Mr. right but someone I can grow old...together?

But not now...

Exactly, my dear, he won't change. And separation will only make you realise how good it is to be away from all his bad habits and it'll help him to lead his life his way. SO both of you will be happy living alone, doing your stuff your own ways.... and it'll be the best.


But the moment you get back together, it will be even more difficult to deal with eachother's habits/nagging.


So, what will the separation have achieved, my dear?? In your case, either you sit down and talk and stop nagging and carry on with life together, or split for good. Because habits are hard to change if that is what you're hoping to do. Separation definitely won't help in changing habits! Talking from experience.

Why does no one love the guy they're with? If you want someone who is active and sociable, why don't you meet a guy who is active and sociable instead of forcing someone who is happy as they are to change for you! That's selfish!


It seems bizare to me how people can expect to have a sucessful life together if there is nothing they enjoy doing together?! My boyfriend and I are extremly different people, but we also have a lot in common. If we didn't have that, I'm sure our conversations would die out too!


If you want this guy to change, then he isn't the right guy for you. It's sad but it's true. You listed all these things you want, but I don't understand why he should change. It is his life, he should live it how he wants to. If he was sleeping around or hitting you, that's obviously something to change, but just being messy and lazy is just him, it's his personality so you have no right to change him.


It's being selfish.