Is it better to separate or stay on?

recently i have been hearing about maritial problem & in most cases, it is the hubby who is having an affair. Some choose to work things out & stay on the marriage, some choose to separate & no turning back.

I know there is no right & wrong answer. But will there really b true happiness if we choose to stay on after discovering your spouse betrayed you? There is no longer any trust in this marriage & is it worth hanging on? Or is it really better to move on & find another happiness & forgo the one that you have once built on?

I would say that if one partner has been unfaithful, it would be difficult to repair most marriages/relationships.


However, if a marriage/relationship has other sorts of problems, sometimes they can be worked through while the couple stay together.


But, in a place like Hong Kong, with the huge work pressures, and in the absence of close family and friends, it can be very difficult to repair a marriage/relationship that falls into disrepair.


Only come to live and work in Hong Kong if your marriage/relationship is in good shape, would be my advice.

I love how people say "and trying to find someone else"...as if its such a chore. Why bother finding someone else straight off the bat? Does individual freedom and happiness not matter to anyone anymore? Isnt there more to life than just pairing up like animals going into Noah's ark?


I'm sorry, but some of the most thoughtful, caring and dignified people I know are single. Do they wish they had someone, sure they do...but they arent bending over backwards to pair up. Some even have lives that are so full they dont have time for "another".


Divorce and seperation is painful, sure...but that can be said about any relationship ending. When you date and live together, does it not hurt your heart for your relationship to end? You have to move out, or they do...you fight over that horrible ceramic cow you bought on that holiday that has been sitting near the bog roll for the last droll months of your union! Pssshhh....thats life.


Life is not about a destination but a journey. So many women seem to think that they just need to work on being the perfect woman, find a man and then get married. Maybe chuck out a few babies and presto, thats the life they wanted. Hey, why not? Its the life your Ma wanted, the life your Gran wanted, the life your Aunties wanted...and all those generations of women around you wanted...*shrug* why would you think any differently? Thats right...sure that in this day and age its getting harder to find the reasons to stay. But then again, in this day and age, its getting pretty hard to find folks who understand the virtue of fidelity at all.


I have stayed with people who have cheated on me...and trust me, they end up screwing you over in the end anyway. Its like they begin to despise you for your forgiveness and your empathy. Its like they slowly begin to despise themselves for being less of a person than you are...


My thoughts? Dont ever treat people poorly...and dont ever stay with someone who treats you poorly. You might start off with staying with someone who treats you poorly but your subconsious slowly starts to act up and you begin to become someone you are not...you begin to become the mirror of who they are...dont do that to yourself, you deserve a lot better.


You only live once...and that doesnt mean that you are not accountable for what you do...that also puts a finite limit on what you can do in this life...so dont go wasting your life by not thinking long and hard about what you hope people will remember you for. Live, dont exist!


In your heart of hearts, do what makes you happy...and what makes others happy. If you find that the other is always complaining about how you dont make them happy, do you simply try harder or do you accept the fact that you cannot make them happy and simply let them go? *shrug* Try and try somemore, with some folks there is no pleasing them.

woods99,you are humorous, seems good marriage conflicts with Hong Kong:) But in Beijing,another city with pressures, I do feel a lot of people dont take marriage or love seriously. Betrayal becomes common when some people take it as a way to relax.


My ex betrayed me,I tried to give him a chance and work things out when he knelt to me crying,but he made the same mistake again. For a very long time,I could not free myself from the shadow of betrayal, I become suspicious and cannot trust anyone.This thing even influences my attitude to other people.


I dont think most people can accept betrayal,

So,if people can ignore other social problems of divorce,in my opinion,

work things out & stay on the marriage--means long-term pain,

separate & no turning back--short time pain.

"Better a finger off as aye wagging".

certainly is hard to stay on the marriage once the love & trust hv been betrayed. Suspicious, mistrust toward a person whom you once loved is undoubtably miserable, plus there be probably no respect for him too. But does 'work things out & stay on the marriage--means long-term pain' ???


Has anyone heard of happiness in a betrayed marriage?

Well written, ribbons.


It would be good to know the views of an adulterer.... once they destroy the faith of their spouse and choose to come back to the marriage to "work on it" are they fully faithful, forever?? Will they stick to their promises or are they prone to commiting the same mistakes again?


It is easy to feel guilty and realise that they did wrong, especially when they see the pain in their partner's eyes.... but how long does that guilt last? And are they really able to destroy the thoughts of the "other" person in their life?


We usually talk of this issue in context to the victim.... whether she/he should stay on in the marriage after finding that they have been betrayed. How about the adulterer.... should he/she stay in the marriage after he has committed the crime? And he also has probably roped in another person's emotions to commit the adultery. What should his stand be in life? Or, he/she is a person who stands up for nothing.... only falls prey to love and lust?