Posted by
k200801
11 yrs ago
Need recommendations for a sex therapist/couple counselor. My husband is American and I'm HK local, met in the US, get married and moved to HK. We need someone who is good with cultural issues and understand the fact that expat white males get too much ego strokes and attentions from girls in HK and have serious difficulty to commit in a marriage.
I try to do internet search but found very little. It would be good if you have real experience with sex/couple counseling in HK and can share.
I'm considering Nikki-Green and would like to hear from anyone who'd been with her.
I have heard about St. John's but not sure about if they're good or not.
I heard bad things about Richard Gee from Resource (that he is not pro-marriage). Are others in Resource any good?
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k200801: send me a message and I will give you some advice. The pathetic replies on this thread so far do not inspire me to reply to you publicly!
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Who ever you choose you both need to be comfortable with...Do not be afraid to "shop" around and do nit underestimate how much work and effort therapy will take....it is usually much more work than an hour chatting once or twice a week chatting is a therapists office. good luck
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I would advise against Nikki Green. My now ex wife and I spent 9 mths with her and we found we hit a wall with her and she was out of her depth. She is not the reason we are no longer together, but both my ex and I agree we wasted that time with Nikki and we should have seen a proper counsellor with proper training and unviersity qualifications.
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Thank you, sugarshane76. This is exactly the information I need. Much appreciated.
Thanks hk6279 for your advice as well!
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Please try Dr. Susan Mistler. ( pls google her and she is really busy, maybe 1 months ahead appointment will be the time span)
We graduated from her 10 mos ago and cannot be better. She was doing marriage counseling to us so not quite sure about sex.
She uses cognitive approaches if you are interested but, will never force it on you. After graduation, when we bumped into her recently and she still remembered us, either she is a good patient focused doctor or our fights in her office was impressive.
Good Luck
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Thanks, Xshoequeen. I'll surely check with her. Much appreciated.
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you want to pay someone to resolve your disputes?
count me in !
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hey scorpio01, it's more than that, are you married with children in Hong Kong where circumstances are so much different that in your home country?
I do believe people will say it is the same anywhere but, it is a FACT that the male have their ego's stroken because of the dynamics of this city and that will effect couple life which will lead to the well beings of the children. It HAS been studied.
Dont butt in if you cannot understand how people are looking for that helping hand or if you are confident please keep it to yourself and go ahead and think us as losers!!!
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hey xshoequeen
dynamics of the city ? i call it semi naked girls culture of the city.
and this is a public forum so be prepared to hear all the view, like them or not.
i see it exactly as i said..and i would be glad if you can correct me ? isn't the OP looking to pay someone to solve their disputes?? and i do that without a degree, what is your problem with that ?
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She is asking for contacts and not your opinion on what you think about counseling. If the thread was about "is counseling worth it or not",would have respected your opinion.
BTW, I'm not talking about naked girls, it's the job and the status as well.
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BTW, my husband said the same thing before counseling. I can do this job, but now, he fully understands why you need a degree, they are trained in listening and figure out where the problem lies and on top of that, they are paid to motivate you to change for the better. It's the same as masseurs. Everyone can do it but, you need to know the nerve systems, etc and be trained or else you cause more damage to the body.
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A-A
11 yrs ago
I had a couple counseling with the counsellors at Resource (not with the one that you mentioned, but a female counsellor) and St. Johns. I do not recommend Resource. My experience with the counsellor at Resource is very negative. It was just a random chat to make you feel better for an hour. Also, the counsellor said inappropriate and biased things many times that did not make sense or just made us feel negative about each other.
On the other hand, I felt that the counseling sessions at St. Johns provided a good structure to work on the issues that we had.
From the experience I had, I feel it's very important that you shop around counsellors, read some books and research about couple counseling/therapies in general.
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Thank you, A-A! That's very helpful indeed, can you tell me which one in St. John?I heard from someone recommending Regine of Resource as a good personal counselor but no information about if she's good with couple counseling. Shopping for counselor is tough as you need it when in a marriage gridlock yet during gridlock is really not the best time to shop around. Thanks again for all the recommendations here. Much appreciated.
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@xshoequeen
the comment/recommendations above clearly depict that a degree necessarily doesn't make a good councillor.
Sit down with an elder in the family or a close friend and make sure you listen to them and follow their advise.
i have had similar problems and they were very severe, we made our father in law sit between us and decide which one was correct where and which one needed to change where, and we FOLLOWED their advise and things are perfect now.
if you don't have an elder then find a common friend who can make you swallow that bitter pill by telling you what you are doing wrong.
but if you have money and no friends or elders then counselors also have to earn.
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@k200801, I am so sorry we have hijacked your thread...........Please let me continue as Scorpio has a good point.
Scorpio, I do agree and I think you are really lucky to have such support system around your life. Can I just explain how we came to the counselor's office to give you an idea how people end up in the office?
Unfortunately, both our parents live far away, plus, both of them come from different cultures which makes what you want to say more tougher and not sure if it was really understood.
And, we did not want to tell our parents, especially my husband. He is trying to create a different kind of family and couple hood from what he saw and got from his parents as he cannot agree with it. He is struggling as it is the only kind of example he has and I really respect him for that. He told me clearly when he proposed that he really does not want to make the same mistakes as his parents did and he believes that he can do it with me. And as for my parents, my mother is really sick and I did not want my old father to have any more burdens.
Also, we did not want our friends to be burdened and be in an awkward situation as quite frankly, we really cherish our friends here and do not want to loose them. Of course they sort of sensed our situation but, still, we both appreciate that they pretended that everything was fine, made a joke about our fights and we all laughed about it. We are glad to find that they knew us well enough that they did what they needed to be done. Both our personalities function like this, the more someone points it out, the more we would not be able to have a clear mind to " dissolve the conflict ourselves."
I really do understand your point , the human race has endured marriage without the profession but, can you also try and see that maybe the evolution made this occupation necessary? I do agree, yes, a counselor sounds really dodgy but, we are both happy that we went there. We were also suspicious in the first place but, experiencing it, now we understand why you go to college for the degree.
I think the high divorce rate of modern days really relate to people not knowing what to do. And as much as online dating websites have emerged, I think that some of the modern occupations are a necessity of modern world???
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Thanks sugarshane 76 for your advice. I do agree with you that a counsellor should receive proper training and university qualification, and also registration at professional bodies are a must in my eyes..
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I do agree with you. Sugarshane76, I have been working with my registered art therapist n she does help me and my family a lot. Well...I just noticed I got cheated as I thought I spent several thouands for attending a so-called 2013 international conference in shenzhen would be held by qualified organizer or chairlady from HK. However, I was very shocked to realize that there were no registrated art therapists in the organiztion. Even the chair person is just a psychotherapist and I really doubted if she knew anything about art therapy. Abt the presenters, just a few of them r qualified. Many of us felt very uncomfortable in a workshop and later we realized that that presenter was not a qualifies registered art therapist. I had no idea why the chairlady urged us donating money to earthquake sufferers in siuchun dinner time. I came for getting ro know more bout thw update news about art therapy in different countries. However, it seemed that I was in a fund raising auction for earthquake chinese sufferers.
We were cheated...
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I am still very angry right now. After having a chat with my registered art therapist and realised how 'the FAKE' cheated money.... she also reminded me that I should be consciusly aware of scams as there were many psychotherapists or counsellors delivering many so-called art therapy workshops in hk but only few of them got qualified licences.
I felt very angry as I trusted the wrong person - the chairlady who looked very kind and nice to me and later I realized that she was just a psychotherapist with no formal training before or even licence.
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My wife and I have been working with Nikki Green for over 6 months now and are getting great results. She is both a certified psychotherapist with a Masters Degree in Psychotherapy from Newcastle University -we saw the cert (so I don't undertand what sugershne above is talking about?) plus she's one of the only US Certified sex therapists in HK too, and has over 10 years experience working with couples, so we feel we're in good hands.
There are lots of new and inexperienced therapists in HK so buyer beware! What really impressed me about Nikki was that she saw through the crap that the two inexperienced therapists we'd been to before (one for 2 sessions and one for 5 sessions) didn't see and she straightforwardly pointed it out to us with no blame or taking sides. She has a canny way of seeing through all the craobtobwhats really at the heart of the problem.
We nearly gave up on couples therapy to be honest until a friend of mine raved about Nikki (he swears she saved his marriage) and told me to give it one more try - I'm really glad I did.
My advice - don't expect to be able to have a great marriage without therapy. Don't give up on therapy if it isn't working, give up on the therapist and try someone else. Also make sure they're trained to work with couples (and have sex therapy training!) as its very different to individual therapy, also make sure they have had lots of experience. Oh... and be prepared to put in the work, read the books and be willing to learn, relationships are bloody hard but if you get it right it's soooooo worth it! Good Luck!
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"don't expect to be able to have a great marriage without therapy".... really? REALLY?
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mystic1, seems that there are many Nikki Green(s) this forum....
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...or don't expect to be able to have a great marriage without Nikki Green ??
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Just reading your post, I have to wonder if he is ready for marriage. Yes HK is a candy store of sex, and it will be dropping on him like rain....but if he is already wandering...firstly, add 12 months to your enguagement time...then evaluate if your both ready for marriage...and is HK the best place to live. Do you need to be here or prefer it. But sex therapy...your in a hard spot. Sexual behaviors are very hard if not possible to really change. You can supress some feelings...but its not as simple as controlling an ego.
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kk11
10 yrs ago
Dr Melanie Bryan is a vv pro therapist and results driven. Based in Central.. http://www.mindmatters.hk
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i strongly recommend Dr Lee as well.
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rge
10 yrs ago
I recommend Sarah Breidenbach at FOCUS. Easy to talk to and good experience with couples. Based in Sheung Wan. http://www.focuspec.com/
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