Do I Have Psychological Problems?

Sorry honey, he has gone off the boil. He lost interest in you and saying any stupid thing to lose you. He is not cheating as you have no real relationship. It is over for him.


I understand your frustration and obsession, these are normal emotions, but best to just let it go. Some guys want to 'make their kill' and move on.

He's probably married.

Your emotions are normal. Sounds like you both live in different locations so the long distance is difficult to get in touch easily. Sorry, but this guy has already moved on. You should too. Just forget about calling him.


You didn't have a solid, exclusive relationship in the beginning so he's not cheating even if he's with someone else.

i am sorry you meta player...but that's exactly what he is...a guy who plays with a woman's feelings to get sex. Players tend to be good liars, they know all the tricks to make you fall for them, and once they get sex, they move on to their next prey. They like the chase, not the woman. Don't blame yourself, no matter what you did or say after that night would have made any difference. You haven't got a problem, he has. I met a couple of guys exactly like the one you described...later i found out that they behaved in exactly the same way with other women. One of them turned out to be married in another city. A guy who really likes you doesn't disappear after sex, he would regard sex as a natural evolution of the relationship and see you again to build more intimacy.

Yep, agree with everyone above.


You met a guy and he chased you as long as it looked like that will pay off. Then he guilted you into putting out after you turned and gave him the cheek.


Once you put out, there was little else to tickle the fancy.


Here's one good solid piece of advice. If a guy wants you, he'll call.


You calling, and then calling again, then leaving messages and sms' and then thinking "hmmm, maybe he's out" or "hmm, maybe he forgot my number" or "hmm, maybe I should be proactive and call him instead...as its been 3 days!" er, nope. You calling, you smsing, you thinking he forgot or lost your number, its all desperate.


Coz if he wanted to call you, he would. But he didnt, he hasnt and he wont...and if he does, a month from now, its merely a booty call, no matter what excuse he makes about why he didnt call and no matter how plausible it sounds and no matter how desperate you are to believe him.

Maybe the sex just isn't good/incompatible... I don't know any guys that would bother 'chasing' for 2 months, especially if they live in Shanghai...

Maybe he’s a player, maybe not. In any case, It seems you made him wait too long for sex, and this has doomed the relationship.


Women who think “make him wait and test his intentions” are mistaken. Some players will hang on as long as it takes, in fact they relish the game. Making men wait a long time for sex does not guarantee that you are not played.


Here is probably what happened -

The man is investing in the relationship; he treasures your company, hopes this can grow into something special, and expects some sex along the way. You make him wait for the sex, postponing, and maybe playing your games... so he wonders are you serious ? should he dump you now, or invest a bit more ? Perhaps he feels you are being too troublesome, so he becomes determined to stay long enough to “get some” at least once. Finally you put out, and the sex is not that great. After such a long time, and so much trouble, he cannot be bothered with you anymore.


They answer is to pick men more carefully.

listen babe i am sure he is only looking for sex . It a emotional attack , i am not proud of it but i have done it few times it work well if normal chatting doesn't get it than u use emotional attack , most men give up if u don't give them what they want but there are some who thinks they are better than other and they really want to have they will do anything just to get u so later they can brag about it with their friends. I am sorry to say but u just got played better luck next time try to find better person don't give yourself to them so easily if they really love even if they cant sleep with they will still love loving some1 is not just having sex .

I think that's the worst advice you could possibly have given her kings...


I'm with CaptDave on this one, especially after reading the "you planned it" bit.


If he was only looking for sex there are plenty of much much *much* easier ways to get it, especially in Shanghai, no one who is only in it for the sex is going to wait a month - even a week is pushing it.


Sounds like he actually liked her but felt she didn't like him back / wasn't sincere, so he gave up and moved on, then she tried to make up for it but a) he was already mentally over her and b) it seemed planned ("you planned it") and insincere, final nail in the coffin.

okie u ar right i am sry for generalizing but u have no idea how some man do stupid thing just to boost his ego so i just said what i think i could be wrong

cuz i am not the guy no1 knows y did he do that ?

Some players are basic thinkers, some operate at another level. They manipulate emotions and situations so as to not look like the bad guy. The 'you planned this', 'women control' stuff is him putting blame on you. Maybe it is enough to confuse you into thinking it is your fault and he is away scott free. He can also run into you again without being deemed a user. Like Kings333 said "an emotional attack"

Some say he is a player, some disagree.

In either case, the relationship is over, and the OP needs to move on.

Quote : we went to the HuangPu River Cruise tour, he tried to kiss me on the ship, but I turned away, and he kissed me on my cheeks, and I didn't realize anything wrong. :unquote


sadly what has happened here is he tried to show him a little affection... and you shot him down.

and unknowingly to you this is very hurtful and disheartening to him.


He should have given you a second or third chance...(maybe he did)

Sadly he would have expected a similar result.

But now just consider it's his loss and move on.


Lack of affection is underline cause of most marriages ending.


I have been studying this latterly as I'm currently just separated and have meet a new girl.

My x-wife 15 years my senior jumped me second day we meet... and was very affectionate although is a little immature at times.

but as time went on the affection dwindled and then stop, and then got abusive.


In comparison, my new girlfriend (friend that is a girl) is 10 years younger, inexperience, but very mature, and I can't touch her.

I had to fight with her to give her a hug on her birthday.

she gave the excuse that i was still married, although have my own apartment and separated for several months.

So I can understand this excuse as she is a good girl.


we lightheartedly discussed this incident a few days later on the phone and it highlighted the fact I don't think she has ever been hugged.


So i know we will have to have a sit down and long talk with my G/f and try to explain some things.


Irrelevant of if we actually start a proper relationship.

I really want to help her come out of her shell.

As lack of affection will be a problem to her in any relationship in the future.


Not that i was overly loved as a child, maybe a odd hug after coming back from school camping trip or on a birthday... but other than that it was a bear minimal.


But from being alone, I know the power of a good hug, and it sad to know some person just never get this simple experience it from there family, and it can a handicap with relationships.


I mentioned my friends sister was a "Hugger" and every meet and catch up we would always hug. And I was given the "I don't believe you"

sadly lack of belief is another issue from my previous marriage I will have to deal with in the future.


unfortunatefam, I guess in hindsight, maybe you should have tried to kiss him back later that evening when you though it more appropriate.


But I guess in future, don't be afraid to show a little affection.

even in public. a simple hug or a kiss is its not going to hurt, and will go a long way.

and better to be a little embarrassed.... than single.


and yes you have a Psychological Problem,

Just like every one else, including myself.

So yes... your are normal.


although i have to ask... were you hugged as a child ?

=)

ya

he probably want to keep both the women without any guilt

move on and you should have moved on a lot earlier...

He is honest and does not want to lead you on. That does not make him ana**hole. If he let you come over, slept with you and did not say anything about another woman, then he is ana**hole. It is time for you to move on.

He is as honest as you.. except this time he is giving you a taste of your own medicine.

your friend seems to have found a girl who likes to play. and what can be better than having a sex friend with no string attached? having two of them! he is inviting you to play along, not promising you anything.

i don't think the man in an a$$, he is quite honest and direct (except that bull he was making up about not calling you for thinking he has underperformed...). it is up to you to say you don't play this game, move on, and forget him.

as to your original question, considering that this has been going for over 2 months, i would say it is not out of the question.

"Is he a real a**hole?"


Erm, no. The guy told you flat out that he is not interested in giving you false hope and you are the one who is being, pardon me, thick as two planks.


You need to get over yourself.


If you think the woman is his gf, then think what you like. I don't think this guy is going to lose much sleep over what you think.


He has already told you he is more interested in someone else.


Just coz you shared a hug and a kiss "like a real couple", note that the important distinction is "LIKE", as in, "resembling but NOT really"...


You guys are not dating, he is not your bf, he owes you zero explanation whatsoever about his current dating status as its you that were sticking around in a desperate effort to reconnect with a man who would much rather sit at home alone and watch DVD's if it means not giving you the wrong idea and having you call him ana**hole for sleeping with you again.


Whether he slept with you or not, he's ana**hole, in your eyes. Whether he is dating another woman or not, as long as he chooses not to date you, I think you would view him as ana**hole.


So to answer your original question...it might do you some good to take some time to ponder on whats going on in your head and maybe do this while single as Tim Gunn!


You are not ready to date...at least, not while you are in stalker-mode. You seem to be dwelling waaaay tooo much over the meaningless.


The guy is just not that in to you. Anyone can hug and kiss...doesn't have to mean diddly squat.


Sorry, but I figured today might be a good day for some "reality bites".


Good luck in getting over this guy. Apparently its quite a difficult task for you, maybe make it your CNY resolution!

Unfortunatefam, this man is not doing you any favours by keeping in occasional contact with you and meeting you. His actions give you a feeble ray of 'hope', which is not there. It would be best for you if he cuts off contact with you completely, at least for 6 months or even a year. He needs to HELP you by not responding to you in case you send an email to him or SMS. It is very hard for the person 'in love' to cut off contact, but it's easy for him. You will heal faster when he is really gone.

Your question : do I have Psychological problem, the answer is : Yes, you do..

I agreed with Justin's reply, the guy is just being honest with you, and you view him as an a**hole, and him dating another woman and not choose you, he is again an a**hole. Your acting like a stupid hurting woman as if you have just been dumped by your long term partner/bf is something you need to address, please, there wasn't even a relationship to start with... you need to learn to accept failure cause that's part of our life, just because you're serious to have a relationship with him doesn't mean he needs to reciprocate your attention, love is a two way street.


It is crystal clear that the guy can only offer you "friend with benefits" status, it is up to you to decide if you can accept that, if yes, go ahead and enjoy some casual sex, if not, move on and stop blaming the guy, it is obvious in your posts that you won't be able to accept the casual relationship arrangement, then I sincerely hope u get over it and stop texting/emailing/meeting him, it will only cause you more hurt and makes you an unhappy woman.

Keep away from this guy. The relationship is over; you need to forget about him.


Learn to love yourself before finding another man. If he contacts you, just ignore him. tell him you have a new love (actually yourself) and you don't want to see him again.