Just started a new relationship. He's wonderful, very charming and smart. He makes plans early in the week, says he wants to see me more and always shows up and follows through with our dates. The only problem is that he doesn't turn on his phone. He only communicates with email/ texts not even Whatsapp. We've talked about it and he says he cannot hear the phone due to a hearing disability. He says he needs his space but will try to pick up the phone more. Still, it hasn't been working. I called and called the last few days but he won't turn on his phone. I leave an SMS and sometimes he calls back 8 hours later or the next day. It's important that he leaves his phone on so I know I can depend on him to be there when I have my needs, my desire to talk to him. Am I being needy?
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Yes and No. Yes, You're being just a little bit needy, but the fact is : why have a boyfriend if he's not there for you when you need him ? So, No you're not being unreasonable.
Why doesn't he give you his home phone number, or office phone, so you can call him on that number ? I am sorry to ask this; but is it possible he's married ? A lot of married men are reluctant for their girlfriends to call them for obvious reasons. I hope I am wrong.
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uh just a thought: what you describe/request is what i would feel acceptable after a 6 months relationship, not after 2 weeks. so what does 'new relationship' mean?
also, i personally really hate to talk on the phone. ever did and won't change soon. my wife got used to it and knows that email is my fastest response mechanism.
conclusion: don't project your needs and your behaviors onto him. tell him what you feel, what your objective is, but don't force him into your tools/behaviors to get there.
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he's either married or you're his no. x in his long list of girlfriends and so will answer whenever it suits him and when it's your turn to be with him. the excuse of hearing problem is a strange one specially when you later wrote he said he needs his own space, will make an effort to answer your phone etc.. he's so charming and smart!
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phones have vibrate function these days too...
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Wow, that's suffocating (to me at least). You better hope he's the kind who likes being nagged :)
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she is controlling you man.... you're screwed unless you stand your ground and demand time off to do your thing
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Agree with Rittit. Don't take this too badly but it sounds like he has a few more irons in the fire. If the guy is too good to be true, he probably is. I have pulled the same stunt myself. The hard of hearing excuse is hilarious. That's a real low ball. If you fall for that, you will become a doormat.
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He may also have two phones. A normal one and a "babe phone". If so, he's a real player. He could also be married and leave his other phone at the office. Just speculation.
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My take is this:
Lots of people (myself included) do not like to talk on the phone. Talking on the phone tires me and calls sometimes come in at inconvenient times. I am a female by the way.
Yet, if the guy is not interested in phone calls, he should at least respond to SMS/emails faster. In fact, the more responsive he is, the less needy you are likely to be. Don't overwhelm the relationship with too much communication though. The goal is to base the relationship on meeting face to face.
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Milty
11 yrs ago
Bittersweet-yes, you are being needy but also, I think you're being played. This is a new relationship and he's already said he needs his space?!!!! You sound a little suffocating. Trust me, back off a little if you want to continue with this player.
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Holy cow. He doesn't answer his phone, so suddenly he's a cheater, has a 'babe phone', is married...? How about TALK to him about it! You may find out that he cannot hear the ringer or feel the vibrations (a common complaint among those with iPhone 3s), or that he prefers to not let a ringing phone rule his life, so he keeps it turned off unless HE wants to make a call, and that he feels like your insistence that he change his behaviours is a very bad sign. We are even less able to understand his motivation than you are; asking for insights here is useless. Go talk to him.
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Having said that Bittersweet. You do sound a bit "high maintenance". Most men don't like to be called too often for a chat. It makes no sense to us.
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Look, he may be okay though I would bet otherwise. Just restrict your calls to once a week for the next month or two.
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agreed. she's not needy, naive surely.
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that was a very natural request. she didn't mean she really need him, she just wanted to illustrate the fact that it could be so frustrating when you want to reach someone and his phone is off and he didn't answer her sms. it doesn't mean she's needy. but then again, every woman in this planet has some need otherwise why they want a man? and it is also natural that she has high hope with the man eventhough it's a pretty new relationship, if it is a relationship, but at least it gives her hope. so it is that hope that makes her blind, therefore naive into believing that he might be the one, so blind that she couldn't see the obvious.
i guess she must be pretty young.
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actually rather than speculating here, i'd like to hear from bittersweet the answer to the question i asked earlier: how old is this relationship at all?
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thanks for everyone replies. don't know what to believe. no we are not young. both of us 28 years old and we have been dating 2 months. he calls me his girlfriend and we have had the talk about being exclusive. he tells me he only has one phone and is not seeing anyone but me. i try not to call him just hard for me to sleep with a guy who doesn't pick up the phone or communicate with me verbally just over email or text. is it just me?
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everything he said is just wind, no one, not even you can verify that: i love you, you're my only one, i want to spend the rest of my life with you, if not, i want to get to konw you better, i have hearing problem, you're my girlfriend, we could be exclusive later when we get to know each other better etc.... all are words and they are free, doesn't cost the guy at all. but there is ONE event which is not bullshit, which is the hard evidence: he doesn't answer your call or switch it off when it pleases him. That is a reality and it supersedes all and whatever he said because his words has no weight, no meaning, only to please your ears.
he's charming and smart!
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28 is still pretty young! for a woman, it's time to settle down, for the man, it's not yet the time to settle down. but to answer your question, remember that a man is not a strange animal without feeling. so whatever you could feel, would apply the same to him and so if this guy is interested in you, he would have called you every day and night or at the very least would immediately answer your calls or answer your sms. don't think that because he's a man, his feeling would be different, not so, man can fall in love also.
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Dear, run away as fast as you can!!!!!!!!! while it's still new and will hurt maybe a little, but no so much more if you are already with this guy for long time.....
I'm sorry to say this, but you're a BOOTY Call! Ask any man their honest opinion.... a man who you described as "WONDERFUL, VERY CHARMING and SMART" wouldn't be doing this if he really was so.... and cared for you..... he'll be open (not just his mobile phone!) 24/7 if he really is interested in you and wants to keep you .... only wayward MARRIED men do this stunts, or maybe even SINGLE CASANOVAS would do such things!
Don't fall into the I cant hear my phone or switched-off phone excuse..... if the guy can't be reached now, what happens if you "accidentaly" get pregnant??? I would hate for you to find-out then how you are not able to contact him :(
By the way, I am not a man or a single woman.... I am a married woman with a child , and in a stable married life (Thank God!), who's husband calls to check upon during the day even while at work and vice versa, from the time we were dating til now, just to check how I am , in this very busy Hongkong Life.
I am saying you need to find Mr. Perfect, but the human nature dictates that we want to communicate with people we Love....
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Sorry... a little correction on the last paragraph.... I'm NOT saying you should find Mr. Perfect......
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he has another gf. haha. heard this story before.
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I have the same experience now. My BF is working at a very senior director position in one top500 company. He rarely replied me SMS, never called me. Just chat in skype sometime when he is free. Then I need to be stand by 7/24 to reply him in time. I am confused and he always told me busy,busy...I hope it's true. I am not doing such hige role so that I can't imagine how busy it is. So far I still select to believe him. Let's see if I have some good ending here.
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something is wrong with this guy, like one of the readers here said he might be married or you could be his x no. of gfs...usually a man didnt want to go further is because they are currently involved in a r/s. this happened to me too so i learnt my lesson. handsome or good looking men can be 'damaging' 帅哥没良心。make demand that he change his ways, if he can't please go. i don't want u to get hurt.
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Milty
11 yrs ago
JoeyK- he's not damaging and heartless. He's most likely having his cake and eating it too....and seeing as he's able to get away with it, he'll keep doing it. Bittersweet has been advised.... Run.... As fast as you can. He's playing her. End of story. As for Rose-Well she's clearly someone on the side for her man! I cannot believe women put up with this and still believe the guys. And yes, I'm a female.
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When he is with you does he switch off his phone and not answer any calls?
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Remmy
11 yrs ago
Matley, do you see it as negative being a someone's booty call? Some HK girls quite like that role - all the pleasure of naughty and intense sex with a guy that's always busy...so lets not be too quick to judge here.
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Milty
11 yrs ago
The HK girls don't want that eventually... They're looking for an expat man making lots of money.
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I dunno if those HK girls are really as smart as you think. Most likely they are the ones hanging on to the phone, waiting for that call, coz they have no one else who wants them. Sadly, they fantasize about one day making it up the booty call foodchain to gf status, something that never comes.
Sorry, too many HK girls I have seen are very naive about being used for sex. I had a friend, no joke, would get laid 3-4 times a day on weekends, with all different chinese girls who would call him and hope he would come to their house and they were pleased as hell that he had the time for them...no idea he was actually heading somewhere right after that!
Enough to make you gag, but it happens. And a lot of these chicks were butterfaces, but you know, some folks don't need things like standards to stop them from getting laid. *shrug*
I think, more women need to be smart about their own worth. Care about themselves in a big picture sense, and not put up with BS.
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My husband, then boyfriend never picked up calls either. By definition, I do agree that boyfriends should pick up calls but, I think it's harmless if you feel that you have his commitment. This, YOU can only feel and trust no matter what other people say.
It's true that it did bother me for a while but, I did know and was confident that he was not playing around. People would report to me that they saw him with another girl or blah blah but, come on, we both had our own lives and i did go out drinking with other male collegues or an old friend from school.
After a while, i got bored about worrying about his phone acceptance rate and I just accepted that it's just the way he is and let him be. Instead, I decided to go to the yoga as those worry lines are really not good for ageing. You know what, sometimes, he was so into playing poker with hs friends or was watching a DVD or what not. If you keep on bothering him on his me- time, you will be demoted to "uncool girlfriend" for sure.
If you are serious about this man and if you are sure that you are not played, Just let him be. Do other things to impress him that you care for him than checking your phone. Some people really do hate phones.
You know what? We've been together for 10 years now and I found more stranger habits about him. I'm glad that I went through the phone call test and he admits that it was sort of a test to see if we can be together.
Now that we have 2 children together and his priority position has been lowered, he's the one that gets annoyed when I don't pick up the phone. He kind of likes it that I am the nagging wife who won't hesitate to give him a black eye if he does something inappropriate. ( his friends and colleagues find us funny) You will have your chance of becoming a nagger so spare yourself from becoming the uncool girlfriend!!! You'll hate yourself more!!!!
Find out if you can trust him first of all and let him be!!!!
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This is so stupid!! maybe he just doesn't like to talk on the phone!! I hate talking on the phone it annoys me. Just leave him alone to do what he likes. if you force him to pick up the phone only for YOU then you are being selfish in my opinion. 20 years ago how would have you possibly survived!!!!??
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Let it go. He's busy shagging someone else and rather not be disturbed.
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Is he a local man? If so, 70-90% of the chances, he is married and is just sneaking around with other women. It does not make sense to me based on what you describe your relationship. I was once local man too, but I moved away from HK for many years. I guess I understand the local dating culture here still.
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Stop calling him , pls. don;t be phatetic,try to read some books on how to win a man , there are some guys who does;nt want them to call especially when they are busy with their works..why don;t you wait him to call you? try to be busy with your tasks ....
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Naiive lady...run away as fast as you can!!!!!!!!! MARRIED man
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just go ahead and talk to him already. tell him your needs, how many of your friends are mind-readers? why do you expect your boyfriend to be one? maybe he likes taking things slowly, so he does not respond messages asap.
i for one, call a girlfriend two times a month, and that only if we haven't seen each other for more than a week, 5mins max. she can call me for something important. if she calls me five times to ask which bag i prefer and if i think she is fat, i will stop hearing the phone too. the guy already responds your emails and sms, how is he suddenly a married cheater. probably has a job and a life. just chill a bit and be more direct in your communication.
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As previosly pointed out. He is married or otherwise spoken for.
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Sounds like something a person I know would do, he has Asperger Syndrome.
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This probably has little to do with AS
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you are just not important enough to him
find something else to do
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