Posted by
Mummy2time
14 yrs ago
Hi
I have 2 full time helpers...one who has been with me for over 5 years (R) whom I trust immensely and 1 who has been with me for 1 and a half year(F). The second one(F) is a problem case. Apparently R tells me when I'm out of the house , the F uses my face creams, packs, lotions etc. and almost most of my personal effects - even things like my foot scrub !!!!
There is no way I can catch her red handed and R doesnt want me to use her name since she doesnt want to be a tattler. My blood boils that I know things about F and I cant do anything about it. I am really irritated with her....She also has a habit of stealing my vitamins but does it cleverly like take out 4-5 pills every 2 weeks from a bottle of 100 pills.....Can anybody help as to how I should confront her ????
Thanks all
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It's not like you need proof really. Sit down with her and tell her straight out. Then tell her if she doesn't stop immediately you will let her go and you will certainly not provide a reference.
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in fact, don't tell her anything: just let her go
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Just pay her out and get rid of her. No references, just pay her out. Sure, she gets paid for nothing but in the big picture - so what? What else does she do that perhaps R doesn't know about?
If you cannot trust someone with something small - there is no way you can trust them at all.
My peace of mind is worth more than her monthly salary.
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Thanks guys makes sense ....its just that shes pretty young and into fashion , looking good etc so was wondering whether i should give her another chance or not
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Hi Mummy2time, in my office if someone takes something / uses something that does not belong to them, it is called stealing.
No one in our office needs this explained to them as they are all adults, and they know right from wrong.
You are not running a charity, so there are no second chances - it isn't mistake or a misunderstanding, it is a deliberate act of stealing.
In my office, a thief (if there were any) would be dismissed and or charged.
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I agree will all the comments above, stealing doesn't usually stop because you had had a chat to them,personal experience- I spoke to my ex helper about taking specific things, and she just assumed it was alright to take other things instead.
Give her the months notice, flight home etc, no reference and get rid, and find someone more honest.
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After reading the posts after mine I have changed my mind. Let her go. She couldn't possibly have thought it was ok to keep taking your stuff. She is stealing.
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Fixer
14 yrs ago
yes, first sensible answer yet and I'm sure there'll be others along the way. How do you know R is telling the truth? Could there be some friction between the 2? I would suggest count the pills but then again, R could be fitting F up so that's a non starter. Install a webcam, find out if F have any toiletries of her own. Have a chat with her, ascetain her reactions and see if it stops. Mark your cream jar openings with some not-so-visible marking to see if the things been opened.
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Put in a hidden camera and don't tell either of them and obtain the evidence, then make your move. You really need to do something as it sounds as if there is a serious hygiene issue at stake here......
BTW how do you know about the vitamins?
Also I believe once a thief always a thief.......something in their mind and constitution makes it alright to cross this line......even if they claim to be ultra religious.......
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Thanks all for the comments guys appreciate your advice- will take necessary action sooon.
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Its difficut to have 2 helpers in 1 hut. Many conflicts and frictions will occur between two parties. May the best helper win.
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lagrue, what's the point of putting in a hidden camera? The OP knows what is going on already.
As for two helpers, it can be a good idea to get either siblings or two people who are friends already. Have the first one recommend a second one that she can live with.
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well actually Mummy2Time doesn't know what is going on and it is all hearsay from helper R at the moment ( it could be a case of jealousy and not getting along, and trying to get rid of the new helper), and if it isn't this first scenario THEN it probably pays to be sure before you go about messing with a person's livelihood and giving them the sack for something they may not have done, particularly for helpers where a termination can result in significant financial hardship.
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ODS
14 yrs ago
just fire her - pay her a month and she should know what's happens. if she really don't know, and that you really wanted to tell her, do it on her last day for her own good. but don't change your mind even she cry or whatsoever - from the conversation above, you sounds like a very soft-heart person.
Just let her go. a few thousand to get rid of some one who you don't trust and killing your brain cells peacefully is totally worth it.
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Why not investigate further if R is tellinbg the truth before firing F. Rifts between two helpers in a household is too common especially if they are not blood relatives. It is unfair for F if the employer just believe whatever R says even if she has her for 5 years. I'm sure OP can find a way of knowing the trurth.
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Im with Evagie. Do not fire F based on hearsay.Do not take R's word for it. Investigate first and find out the truth then act. To the posters that advised the OP to simply fire F, do you also think it would be fair if your employer fired you with no shred of evidence and only because someone in your workplace said you were stealing?
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Hi Guys,
Thank you all - I have let F go. Infact R happens to be Fs cousin so there is no question of rifts etc...she had recommended her in the first place to me. I guess R just happens to be honest and loyal....shes been with me for 5 and a half years now.
F admitted to using my stuff under questioning and had the gall to say "But Maam I used it only once or twice!!" Since she has gone, more stories about her have surfaced by other helpers in my buliding about her - apparently when we were out on a holiday once and R was on leave, F used to regularly use our bathroom (our bath tub has a built in jacuzzi) and clicked pics to share with her friends...oh and yes she also used to use our bedroom with the AC in the nights since it was too hot in the helpers room......I have now access to all this weird information thru the helpers grapevine that I wish I had gotten to know earlier.
What saddens me is that we as employers are not home all the time and its scary what these helpers can get upto behind ur back!!! And these are people we trust our houses and kids with... And whats worse all these helpers know everything abt each other but I guess its like noone wants to snitch about the other, even if they know they are doing something wrong !!!
Anyways thanks to R who had the courage to stand up finally and tell me everything .....God bless her.
Thanks to all who took the time and effort to reply or add to the thread
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hi mummy,
your helper has been a fool.
i'm sure there must be something wrong with her & her relationship with R even they are cousins!
why, i said she's a fool? well, she's crazy to show off her photos being taken while taking a jacuzzi bath? or spreading around what's she's doing inside ur hse when u are not around wherein news can spread easilly among helpers! i think if u let them alone they will be really tempted in trying your kind of luxury life, using ur lotion, jacuzzi, aircon inside your house! that's a nautral temptation which is difficult to resist.
i'm sure R have found about what F is doing, so if she's really a good cousin to her, she should had warn F by herself without telling u to decide what u should do to her. so that's how i see things, the realtiongship between her was not really close even they are cousin, 'coz even sisters will fight each other or maybe F is also an ungrateful bitch, that's why R told u all about it..
& ya, Merry Christmas!
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