Second Baby&Helper Dilema

Hi


Our baby is 14 months old, and we are expecting number 2 within the next few weeks. My husband and I both work full time and my husband travels for work M-F every week, so he is not here. I work from home so I can breast feed the baby, but the rest of the time I a working a very demanding job.


We planned to hire two helpers, one younger and one older. We have had HUGE BAD LUCK. Long story, but the most recent is we hired a 28 year old and her much more experienced auntie. The 28 year old just started this week, and then the Auntie's current employer of 12 years who has said she would be released, decided to resign her contract!!! So now here we are with only the young helper and interviewing again.


It is quite hard to find GOOD helpers who want to work with another helper.


At this rate, with the baby due in 2-3 weeks, we know we will NOT find someone who can start before the baby arrives.


But I did interview one woman, whom I thought was great, but she has to go back due to a termination.


I am debating between:


1. hiring a helper that is available soon, but maybe not that great


or


2. hire the good helper, and wait 6-8 weeks.


Option 2 means I will be alone with one helper and two babies and no husband for about 2 months (of course, the worst time when baby is awake a lot at night). Of course we can try to get some illegal part time help in the daytime.


What concerns me is that with #1 baby, it was really really hard, and with a toddler and #2 it will be even harder.


Just curious as to what your opinion/thoughts are?


And no, my husband cannot stop travelling and no, I cannot quit my job. :(

crj, I think that hiring someone with about whom you are already having doubts would be a mistake for everyone.


You've already mentioned the illegal option. Could you either hire Rent-a-Mum to cover the gap or hire a part-time legal cleaner (either via government office or Sparkles etc.)? The cleaner could free your existing helper to focus exclusively on childcare while you are waiting for the second helper's visa to be processed.


When my second was born I was in London and had no childcare help, but I wasn't working. My husband was also away (fortunately was around for the birth and three days afterwards). Apart from missing the adult company, it made very little difference to me day to day, as breastfeeding meant that I was going to be the one doing the feeds anyway. I found the nursery run etc. a real struggle for the first few days, but once I got into a routine it was less scary. Feeding and dressing the three of us by 7.30am felt like a major achievement at the time.


Having hired a helper before that seemed adequate rather than ideal, I think it only causes disruption for everyone (including the helper). If you genuinely think that she might work out with a little coaching from you, then that's different, but from the tone of your post, it does not sound like it. Good luck.

Thanks MrsL, this helps a lot.


I still don't manage to shower and get dressed by 7:30 each day - so that is an accomplishment - ha ha.


I am interviewing this weekend and will decide Monday... hopefully it all works out.


The younger helper, is not perfect, but absolutely trainable, I have spent the week slowly introducing her into the routine and training her in various aspects. I have also signed her up for some YWCA courses (Health and Hygeing in the Kitchen, Basic Baby Care, and some cooking classes).


I will also be breast feeding, and I guess I can do more and sleep less if needed (ie more nappy changes, burps and soothing). Last time, I did the breast feeding, but the night time help did the 'other stuff' so I could get more sleep. I found this helped a lot.

Wow! You sound as if you are in excellent shape! It was quite funny; trying to shower for the first time hoping that my eldest would not try to maim the baby (who had just usurped so much of my time). I managed to amuse her with her favourite TV programmes (at 7 am, against any parenting principles I previously and naively held) and sticker books, while I snuck upstairs with the baby in a bouncy chair on the bathroom floor. Anything that I'd ever done at work started to pale into insignificance when i had to tackle the logistics of that first week on my own. I lived in awe of friends and family who had 3 or 4 children without so much as a part-time cleaner to give a hand. Promise you, every week gets easier!

MrsL - how many months apart are your children?

Just over 2 years between them, so made it easier in a way. Firstly, could ask for help, like getting a nappy etc., and also meant that she had her own little social life established (nursery a couple of mornings a week, ballet and swimming classes etc.). Downside was that she was vocal enough to tell me in crystal clear sentences that she was unhappy about the amount the amount of time that the baby took from her and that she wanted to stick him back into my stomach. Never realy knew what guilt was until then. Got much easier though. The 'I want to kill him' phase only lasted a few weeks.

crj - i can't remember whether you are chinese or not, but how about employing a chinese confinement nanny to see you through the first month or so? they'll do all the cooking for you and teach your helper to do baby related things.


you can hire the chinese nannies for 6/8/ 24 hrs per day if need be.

Hi DizzyDog


I did look into that, but the ones I found were charging a lot more than I can afford! Do you have any agency or contacts that you can send me via PM.


No, I am not Chinese but I do speak basic Mandarin.


I also looked on the gov't website for local helpers, but none seem suitable - only a few months experience.


So as for now, we are planning:

1 current helper

1 new helper - we submitted the papers today, so 6-8 weeks, but we wrote a strong supporting letter to immigration to see if it can be faster.

Part time help in the day to see us through until helper #2 can start.


It it not ideal, and I am going to be exhausted, but it is better than nothing.


What makes it hard is my husband is away M-F every week, and I have to return to a full time job after maternity leave, and I won't be rested.


Thanks

crj,


i've not needed to have a chinese nanny before, but here's one agency whose details i saw in a magazine. *puts on translating hat*


http://www.e-mother.com.hk/ T:3583-2543


General home help (cleaning, laundry, cooking etc)

- For 3 hrs per day

(4 times a month) $780

(8 times pm) $1460

(12 times pm) $2150

(16 pm) $2700

(20 pm) $3200

(24 pm) $3700


- For 4 hours per day

(4 x pm $1000)

(8 x pm $1900)

(12 x pm $2700)

(16 x pm $3480)

(20 x pm $4300)

(24 x pm ($4880)


They also have pay as you use plans, where its the equivalent of buying coupons of time to be used up within a specified period, starting from $320 for 4 hours work, to $3580 for 60 hours of work to be used up within 6 months.


I don't know whether that is any good for you, but it may free up some of your helper's day time so she can be on call at night.


good luck :)

Thanks DizzyDog.

I used Google Translate to read the website, while most did not translate well, the price list and services did. And a form to fill out for questions.

hi,

I can help you. I am a housewife at present and would like to help you until you find a longer time DH. We recently arrived from Australia and I have a lot of time whilst my son is in school. I have professional qualifications (architect)and childcare/kindergarten qualifications and was a nanny (5years) to French/English aristocrats and high profile officials in Australia while I was at university. I feel for you and can help your family situation as well as educate the DH with newborn and young children. Email me on ttdl@iprimus.com.au.