Posted by
Clare123
17 yrs ago
to have the ability to remove helpers from some families in this country, just to see how they would cope??
In our previous life (Oz) when we had our first child, we paid a fortune for child care, spent our entire lives running from child care to work to work to childcare, came home to a messy house, no food, no clean clothes blah blah blah blah - and go out, gosh that was unheard of. Now, we are in heaven, with a clean house, food on the table, and a calm life with a happy child. And, my helper doesn't have to work hard to provide these benefits to us, she can lead a happy life as well. That, I imagine is the crux of much of the problems with attitudes to helpers, some people have never had to live without one!
Sorry, there's no real purpose to this message, but after reading some of the stories on this forum, it blows my mind that people can be so inhumane.....
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It's funny i was thinking exactly that Clare, it would be wonderful for helpers to not have to leave there homes and families to work for spoilt selfish people who are incapable of appreciating what they have and want more more more from there helpers. It shocks me that people think it's OK for helpers to work 10 hours plus a day 6 days a week plus babysitting yet still complain that there helper isn't good enough, not a good enough cook, doesn't clean the way they want them too or dares to eat something out of the fridge without permission.
I don't know how some people sleep at night
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The sad thing is that some expats tend to forget all too easily what life was like before they had a helper ... what a shock it must be for them when they eventually return 'home' without a full-time DH.
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They also forget the golden rule - Do unto others as you have would have others do unto you.....
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Much as I agree with the main point that you are making here, let's not get carried away. Our helper's contract ends in 2 months and having been here for just under 3 years, my wife is so excited. She cannot wait to have her house back, to have some privacy, to put an end to the micro-management, to the lies etc. The thing is that we have not forgotten what life was like before we had a helper; uncomplicated and wonderful. Don't get me wrong, she's not planning on doing everything herself (we had a part time cleaner before and will have one again), but we will be a 'normal' family again, and could not be happier.
I agree though that those who hate having live-in help should just bite the bullet and find another solution rather than moaning 24/7.
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I strongly agree with South side. Whilst I am dismayed by the ill treatment some employers mete out to their helpers, I reject the frequent assumption that employer = ogre, helper = innocent victim. Thankfully, most employers are not lazy and unappreciative, and certainly not all helpers are blameless.
Please remember that there are 2 sides to every coin before we perpetuate a false assumption / stereotype. There are helpers who are mistreated by their employers, and of course I abhor that, but there are also employers & their family members whose lives are made a misery by their helpers. For example, I myself would love to be able to go without a DH, (it's my dream!!) but I am obliged to have one due to special circumstances. I'm sure there are other people in a similar situation. I treat my DH really nicely, but she isn't nice back to me. I look forward to Sundays as the best day of the week.
Anyway, that's my rant! If I'm lucky, in a couple of years I , like south side, will be in a position to have a p/t cleaner instead of a live-in DH. I can't wait.
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hi snow rose
why don't you release your helper and find someone whose personality is more compatible with yours? as the name suggests, a helper is meant to help your quality of life. if you are not getting along with yours, and you feel she has ill treated you, release her! you, like me, may require a helper, but not one who makes your home a tense, unahppy place.
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you are right snow rose that many helpers here are not treated like a human being they treated it like a slaves they work more than 15 hours a day. i think only 35% are those who treated by employer like a human being. thanks
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we only moved just over a year ago, and before of course, it was just us and a cleaning lady once a week. I find it such a luxury to have a helper (I have two actually, as we both work and have 2 small kids). I am so grateful for it, esp in this time of our lives, when the children are so young. I cant even remember last time I changed sheets on our bed!! It is amazing! I dont think I will ever take it for granted. But I do realize that this is not the "real" life and unless we stay in Asia forever, we will be back changing our own sheets! Just enjoy it everyone!
And I dont even mention that fact that we can go out when we feel like it!! Back in London it would have taken a month's advance planning to get the childcare organised just to pop out for a meal!! AND it would cost a fortune!
No, we are all very lucky indeed - and having someone else living in your house - what a small price to pay!
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FKKC
17 yrs ago
Dollyfeet - why bring out locals vs westerners AGAIN? From your own thread you weren't able to find a helper yourself for 2 months or so - maybe it's not the races some helpers are looking for but GOOD employers and most can tell when they come for interviews.
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Dollyfeet ... I didn't mean to imply that it was just expats ... I was simply referring to the fact that the original poster mentioned that she was from Oz, and compared her life to being in Oz without a helper, and now being in HK with a helper ... hence my mentioning 'expats'.
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Labber - My heart sinks to imagine such a small proportion of DH are treated properly by their employers. On the other hand, I think there can be some misunderstanding as regards the number of hours worked. I've interviewed many helpers who claimed to be 'working' from 6am to 10pm, but when they give me the details it transpires that they get up at 6am, actually start work at 7am, work through till lunch, have 3-4hrs off in the afternoon (i.e. until the children are back from school) and then work 4 - 10pm - still a long day but definitely better than really working 16hrs.
Abitnaive - yes, maybe you are right, perhaps I should replace my DH. In fact I have been looking around. I guess I'm just disappointed because she used to be really good, and I thought I'd be able to employ her for many years, but now I'm coming to the conclusion that I won't be able to do that. But anyway, thanks for your advice!
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