Is helper anorexic?

I'm not sure if anyone had a similar problem with their helper but I sure would like some advice.


I hired my Indonesian helper about four months ago. She is hardworking but we noticed that she eats very little. She fell sick after a month of being with us and it was much later that I found out that someone in her church was sick and infected just about everyone. She tried to hide from us the fact from us and we were busy getting things ready for my father-in-law's visit and going off to the airport to pick him up. She took care of my baby girl without telling us that she was sick. I found out later in the evening when I accidentally touched her arm that she was burning hot. She kept saying it was nothing but I took her temperature anyway. She had a fever of 38.8 and I sent her off to bed right away. Within the next two days, every single one of us were sick, including my baby, who had a fever of 39.3 (she has never been sick before).


Anyway, all in all, it took SEVEN trips to the doctor and a chest specialist to get my helper cured. During the time she was sick, she ate even less and we noticed that the food in the apartment was hardly touched. I spoke to my helper repeatedly and even giving her money to go and buy whatever food she felt like eating. I even went to the extent of piling her plate with food but then she claims that she pukes if she eats too much. My helper continued to eat very little and I noticed that she is always seeking my attention, such as wanting me to tell her to eat, despite the fact that we have told her repeatedly that she is free to help herself with any food around the apartment. In fact, each time I sat down with her to talk about her eating habits, it's quite obvious that she loves all the attention.


Finally, I spoke to my agent, who came and explained to her the importance of good health, etc, and the trouble she has caused by being sick and not telling us. A verbal warning was given that if she continues with her poor eating habits and in turn, falls sick easily, then we will let her go.


She improved a little with her eating habits two weeks after the agent spoke to her and now, she's back to not eating again. She weighs around 41 kg and she started with us at about 46 kg. I even went ahead to buy her beverages like Horlicks, Milo, etc, thinking that perhaps she just doesn't like fresh milk, tea or coffee. At this point, I am really sick and tired of having to mother her while taking care of my baby and I've just started working fulltime two months ago. I get the groceries on the way home as it'll be too late for her to go out and buy the foodstuff by the time I get home. I don't know whether I should replace her since I have no confidence that she has the health and stamina to take care of my baby girl who is turning 1 year old soon. I'm also getting tired of her needy behavior and constantly trying to get my undivided attention on her. My husband doesn't want to replace her as she is good at the household chores. We hired her because she's been in HK for 8 years with a lot of experience and we heard that she's a hardworking helper.


I'm not sure if she's anorexic and if she is, is there anything that I can do or should I just let her go?

Replace her.

Thanks for your advice. I took care of my helper and household chores for two days when she was sick and she ate all the congee and food I gave her. Since we live in a small apartment (825 sq ft), it is really easy for us to notice that she hardly eats. I have repeatedly told her that she must eat breakfast before she starts any chores and now lately, I noticed that bread remains untouched (I bought it for her consumption only) and none of the cereals were eaten either. I am annoyed that despite all that chats we had, she is still not eating. If she's anorexic, then I'm thinking that perhaps she's not the helper to take care of my baby. My husband disagrees, since the helper has done all the household chores well, and thinks we should ignore her eating habits.


*sigh* This is already the second helper we've hired. The last helper was lazy (she would always go back to her room to take a two-hour nap and left my baby alone in the living room) and now this helper just doesn't eat. She's not a Muslim and she does not observe the ramadan, so I can't think of any reason why she's not eating.

Do you think deep down she may be homesick, or maybe she is just doing this for attention? either way it will be difficult to keep her on if things don't improve, she is supposed to be there to help you!

We've asked her if she was unhappy about working with us or if there was trouble brewing back home in Indonesia. She claims that she's a lot happier with us when compared with her previous employers. She said the same to the agent who came to speak to her about her eating habits. Lately, she's skipping breakfast altogether or just have one slice of bread and nothing else. I'm quite sure she doesn't eat lunch and she eats with us during dinner. All she eats for dinner is a bowl of rice, two small pieces of shrimp or fish or whatever protein there is on the table and a spoonful of vegetables! We've asked her to cook her favourite Indonesian dishes and she hardly eats those too! She is going to look like an African refugee soon if she continues to lose weight. Doctors can't find anything wrong with her physically, so I'm sure it has to be an eating disorder. She also gets very highstrung when she tells me stories of her past (her husband cheated on her and divorced her more than 13 years ago, how her previous employers treated her, etc).


We hate to have to dismiss her and cause her to lose her job but I feel that my baby's well-being and safety comes first. Anyway, I can't do anything unless my husband is convinced that we need to look for another helper again.

I think you should both stand by the verbal warning she was given, maybe allow one month from when it was given, then give her notice, if things are not improving, you have a baby to look after, and you don't want somebody who is acting like a teenager and attention seeking, plus her habits are putting stress on you, a good employee should be a great help not a hinderance, you have done everything to rule out physical sickness.Maybe her tales of husband cheating, past employers may be fabricated, due to her personality, she may have drove them mad too, she may have a type of mental illness. Remember it is you who has to put up with her all day not your husband, I presume he is out at work, you should stress to him it is very frustrating and worrying. Go for legal part time if your life style allows, less hastle!