Disappointment

I just wanted to vent a little. We have, a generally good FDH. She's not the fastest and most efficient, but she is a nice person.


She's worked with us for 10 months now. She is onto her third loan (we've worked out a monthly repayment plan). Every time she wants to borrow money, she slips up deliberately ie. forgets to do things etc so that we will talk with her. My husband & I are fairly open and both encourage her to talk with us always, not just when a problem has occured. Now she is slipping up again and I know its not her normal behaviour. I can also see in her face she is worried about something, like her cheating husband. I am just waiting for her either ask for more money or quit.


I can't help but feel disappointed. We treat her quite well, pay her above the min. wage, she eats what we eat (including steak, king prawns etc), she gets b'day, xmas presents plus lai see at CNY. There are only two of us in the apt, and we are at work everyday and eat in maybe 2 or 3 times a week (sometimes it's just toast). To be fair she does prepare lunch for my sister in law everyday and there are two family dinners a week. There isn't a lot to do.


I guess i'm not only disappointed but just cannot understand - we not only helped our FDH with a loan, but also worked out a budget (as we are both working in finance) so that she could actually save money.

Unfortunately i don't think you are alone. I know many, many PH helpers (both male & female) here in HK and the vast majority of them are very nice people, but apart from a couple of them I think none of them have any sort of clue about budgeting and keeing control of finances. The vast majority would come from a hand-to-mouth existence and that transfers with them to their jobs in HK. Unfortunately even those who held supposedly 'normal' jobs before coming to HK seem to have no clue about personal finances. I have tried to lift their sights at various times but I think it all falls on deaf ears. Sure they have all sorts of pressures from home (not just the immediate family either) who depend on their HK-based relatives for all manner of income - and if they don't have it then they have the means to get it far easier than it can be obtained in PH. It makes me so mad sometimes. It got to a point where a couple of years ago we had to stop lending money to people at the church because they simply disappeared! The tens of thousands I've written off as bad debts sure taught me a lesson. I decided to quiz any propsective borrowers re reasons and repayment plans etc etc, so much so that word got around that getting an interest-free loan from TC was more of a hassle than getting a loan at exorbitant rates from the loan agencies, so I rarely hear from them now. But I do know that there's a lot of borrowing between the group and a lot of uncharitable deeds (that I wouldn't normally associate with church members) that go with that. Sorry, off the beaten track a bit there, but what I was trying to get to was that once they are into borrowing I don't think a lot of them are capable of stopping.

The English Speaking members Dept at the YWCA has a course for helpers that teaches them how to budget etc. Maybe you could enrol her in that. Goodluck!

The best DH that I have ever had is not the one I treated her the best. DHs who have had experience with busy families and tough employers usually would appreciate a new employer's kindness more. Some DHs just have a good nature, the attributes to be a good helper at home. Therefore, getting a DH with good references from previous employers helps to avoid disappointment. One thing is important, boundary- no matter how good you want to treat your DH, set up certain boundary for both sides. let DH knows her duties and responsibilities and the boundary within which he/she should stay.

Thanks everyone...i just wanted to vent a little.

Hmmm...typical filipino attitude problem, passed from one generation to the next. Its one attitude that bring filipinos here and other countries to work as DH. There's nothing more we can do. Some really have the nerves to borrow money and not thinking how they'll pay back. If they see an oppurtunity, they grab it,not minding how they can manage payment later on.

yes..it's the expectation that we will lend that is a bit annoying. of course, i still understand why our FDH thinks that she is having a very tough job looking after the two of us....