Can't get used to having a DH

We have been in HK for 7 months and had our DH for just over 3 months. I am not working and am not planning on it as I want to bring up my son myself. The problem is that I can't get used to having a DH. I don't like having someone else in the house and find it very frustrating that she doesn't always do things as I ask.

The long and short of it is that I would like to terminate her contract and not have a helper. Is there a way I can do this which will not cause her too many problems getting another job?


Any ideas please?

Yes, there are many ways.


Sit her down and tell her that you don't really need her as much as you thought you would. Terminating the contract without giving her the reason could cause her unecessary worries; and as early as now, give her some time to look for employment. It may mean that you don't terminate the contract until she finds another employer and a contract signed between them. If you do, there is this two weeks' rule where a helper needs to find new employment or she will be sent back home. She is likely to get another 2-2 weeks extentions ( 1-2 weeks at a time, HK$135 a pop, which could be a lot for an unemployed helper ) depending on how lucky and confident/articulate she could be during the interview with an I.D. officer.


You could inform the Immigration office that the reason you are terminating the contract is because you don't really need a helper. Otherwise, they may not allow her to process her new employment here.


On finding new employer, how quickly she could find one is another thing. How " satisfied" her prospective employer/s from the reason of her termination and her performance ( most will require a reference letter and phone chat with previous employer) is another, and mostly is up to you.

What about having her live-out ? Many people still do it even if it's not allowed. It really gives you more space and privacy. When you don't need her, you can just send her back home and she'll be happy too.


There are boarding houses all over HK, you have to add about 1000 to 1500hkd / month, and the travelling fees too. So at the end, it does represent a fair amount of money.

And what about a part time who can do the household, and a baby sitter to allow you to go out the evening with your husband?

Hey Claire


I can totally relate to your story. I just couldn't get used to having someone live in our house - I hated it. When my son was born 21 months ago our helper at that time tried to do everything but what I wanted her to do and would just hang around me all the time trying to take my son off me. She even used to say "It's my turn now to take XXXX". Looking back she sort of ruined my first months with my son. We fired her due to other reasons and then tried again with a different nationality. She was better, but having a live in was still not for us. Plus looking after my son myself, there wasn't enough work for her to do. When we moved to Singapore we decided not to have a helper. I have a p/t time helper on a Monday for 4 hours who is a fast and brilliant ironer and she gives the floors a clean. On a Wednesday I have 2 cleaners come in for 3 hours and blitz the place. I go out and they lock up, no trust issues there. I also have a local Singaporean lady who is very well networked and when I need a babysitter she's available or sends her niece, daughter etc. I exercise 5 times a week now. I do it before my husband goes to work and I go out as he walks through the door and he puts my son to bed. On a Saturday, I get 1/2 day "me" time and my husband hangs out with our boy. I usually go to yoga then a bit of shopping, a latte and a magazine and perhaps a massage or facial (bliss). With a bit of support from your husband and some good p/time help it is very manageable.


I actually feel now that since I've gotten rid of the f/t help that my time with my son is so much better. I feel like we have really had good quality time together. I think having a helper makes you less available e.g. I would often stay out an extra hour when she babysat during the day or decide to leave him behind with her just because that option was available. He's grown up so fast and he'll go to playschool soon and I shall wish I could spend all that time with him once again.

Hi Mrs Miggins


Thank you for the encouragement. We have given our DH a months notice so the end is in sight although it is currently worse as she is sulking so I try to stay out of the house as much as possible.

My son is going to start going to kindergarten on his own in Sept so I will get some time to myself.

It sounds like you have it very well organised and got the right balance for you, I'm just sorry that you didn't have a good experience either. It is very difficult when the problem is in your home which is meant to be where you can relax.


Thank you again

My goodness! I hope you all realize how fortunate you are having any type of home help whatsoever. Whether it be live in full time or part timers in Singapore! If only your family and friends back home could hear this!

I suggest you do some charity work and fast!