Give an inch, take a mile?

So, my hubby thinks there is nothing wrong with allowing the maid drink alcohol when we have parties and she is working. I disagree with him. This evening we had a party and I walked into the kithen to see her with an open beer in her hand. As though "caught in the act" she told me that it takes much better cold. I returned to my husband and asked it he told her she could drink. If he SpECIFCALLY told her she could drink. He said no he didn't. After stewing over it for a while I returned to the kitchen to find her with another bottle in her hand, un-opened. At this point I told her, that I did not want to see her drinking beer in the house. She immediately put the beer away. No I am sorry, no excuse me, just put the bottle away.


Now, my question is as such. Since I have already told her not to drink (and I hope she has enough comon sense to extend the beer to all alcohol), should I now let it go, or should i still sit down and have a pow-wow with her.


Now because my husband and I have a difference in opinions, would it be wrong of me to tell her, that I don't care even if my husband tells her she can drink, that if I see her drinking, I will fire her?

I have no desire to argue with my husband, who thinks I am being mean (on this issue). But I will be damned if I have an employee who thinks they can drink on the job.

Have a chat with your husband first so there is no conflicting messages - as with disciplining children- and although he may not agree with you on this one, he has to support you as this is something you feel strongly about.


Then talk to her together and let her know the new rules as she will probably not take your message as "being told". Also let her know the consequences of what will happen if she does it again - will she be sacked on the spot?


At the moment she will probably use your partnership inconsistencies to her advantage (as children do and play off each parent) so you really have to show a united front on this one.

I agree with dimac4 - best resolve the issue with your husband first as you don't want to look divided on any issues especially with a live in helper. Maybe you can compromise and tell her she can have a drink after she has finished helping out??? Just a thought. Nice for her to be rewarded as well after a hard days work.

To Life,


I do not think drinking at THE WORK PLACE (i.e. your home) is a smart idea.



Does she have to look after kids / pets? Does she have to wash dishes / iron clothes? Does she have to cook? If there is a "yes" to any of the above questions I'll say she NEEDS to be sober when she's at work. Should anything happened (because she is drunk), will she bear the consequences??? I don't think so. She can go and drink on her day off but she should show some respect and discipline when she's AT HER WORK PLACE.



One more question: can your husband imagine a beer in his hand when he's in the boardroom with clients??? Will he consider that as appropriate? I think he will back you up, cos you have a point.



Sit down and reiterate that drinking is prohibited at your home, and tell you helper the likely penalty of such (e.g. warning letter, whatever you thinks fit).

Not the Ed,


I prefer to keep my life private, but I can assure you that I go to work 100% sober and I do expect the same from others, do you get the point?


Get drunk at the right time at the right place is perfectly fine, but NOT AT WORK.

Not the Ed,


I respect your attitude and believes and I hope you repsect others too.


My definition of family maybe slightly different from yours, but treating a helper as "an employee" has nothing wrong. Seems to me that you do "respect" your family but not quite so for your employees as you wrote "give them the resepct they deserve"....

Not the Ed,


I respect your attitude and believes and I hope you repsect others too.


My definition of family maybe slightly different from yours, but treating a helper as "an employee" has nothing wrong. Seems to me that you do "respect" your family but not quite so for your employees as you wrote "give them the resepct they deserve"....

I will not tolerate my DH drinking while she is working at my home. On her day off, she can do as she pleases, but cannot come home pissed!

I find it hard to understand how some can say' its fine' to let the DH have a drink. The DH takes the job of looking after the home, family & kids. At parties, she is there to serve the guests & see to the food. She is not there to party with the guests.

Your Husband should agree with your terms. You should have a proper talk with your DH about alcohol in your home & how she has to obey your wishes.

I know it would be nice to be rewarded after a long day of work. Unfortunately I do not have faith in her ability to know her limits, or in mere common sense.


Case in point, I asked her to drop something off at a house which was a 5 minute stroll from our residence. She returned 2 hours later, as drunk as a skunk, rambling all her woes and worries to me. How she had to borrow money from a friend to keep her irresponsible daughter from going to jail. Her breath actually reeked of whiskey to where I could smell it. After her unload, she went to bed at 5 pm in the afternoon, and that was it for her. No meals, no washing dishes, didn’t see her until the next morning.


I feel to permit her to drink in the house will be opening up the flood gates of hell. Because she does not know her limits, and will drink (with out a doubt) in our absence, and our house is not her “bar”. As it is, she drinks 1 litre of coke, all by herself everyday! She finishes what is in the house, with no concern that when my husband returns that day, there is nothing for him (the only other coke drinker) to drink.


Apart from that I have never held a job that permitted drinking while on the job, in some cases, the mere possession of alcohol on the premises was pushing the limit. And neither has my husband but, for some reason, he does not see the house as a work place.. but as home and the liberties associated with being home. Amazingly so, there are quite a few expats who share his view. Some friends bring their driver to parties, and by midnight, he is drunk beyond belief, (and so are they) and then he drives them home. I don’t know if they are too drunk to realize that he too is drunk, or if they think because they have kept him up late, he deserves to drink AND be drunk. Yes I drink, but I know my limits, and as a host, it would be highly inappropriate of me to be drunk with guests.

Not the Ed: yes she was at a party, but she was neither serving food nor drinks. Her function for the day was to wash dishes and direct people to the loo. I cooked, the food was served outside, along with most of the alcohol. There was however an ice chest in the kitchen with beer in it. The guests served themselves, and threw away their own trash.


Granted one incident is not a drinking problem, but it shows poor judgement and lack of control. She may never do it again, but then I don't want to have to find that out.

Terminate her contract - sounds like she has more problems than you need to deal with and can't trust her. No alcohol in the house ever....