Posted by
wendy7
20 yrs ago
My DH has spent the last twelve months with us. I'll cut to the chase.....any opportunity she has she will cut corners or take full advantage or us (our generosity) she will. For example, she has told us that she is entitled to two return air tickets (four coupons) "cos the law changed", that helpers get Easter off "cos the law changed", and the like including that she gets three weeks paid leave after a year. ugh. With regard to cutting corners, she doesnt really do anything that well. She doesnt cook....cant actually...hasnt been an issue because I really enjoy it and is part of my day. The cooking is a small issue....nothing is cleaned thoroughly and she requires prompting for little things and those that are completely obvious (including wiping my little one's face and changing her nappy...). Will always take the easy way out and around. I have found that she really doesnt add value to our family and then gets snooty if I pick her up on things (mind you, to keep the peace and because of who I am, it is always done respectfully). So why the blessed world have you kept her.....I hear you all asking! Well, like many of us newbies to DH's, she is good (used to be great) with my little one and I worry about the "devil you know" as opposed to the one you don't. I guess I have answered my own questions here on alot of things but will be looking for a new helper in the near future ....a FANTASTIC one! Any leads? I am happy to wait for the right one.
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We didnt have children so we didnt need one. I am beginning to question whether it's worth all the bother. Having someone in my home all that time isnt that pleasant....having my best friend would be but not my helper, if you know what I mean! We originally got her for the babysitting thing...someone for the little one to feel comfortable with if we go out but nights out are so infrequent now that I'm wondering whether it's worth all the hassles. I guess above all, it's the moodiness and her attitude. I tell her I dont take that sort of "&*%t" from my husband, let alone someone we pay (and rather handsomely I might add!) to be in our home and make our life easier. I think you know what I mean. I have explained to her that having a helper is a luxury and not a neccessity for me....I am more than capable and willing to do the housework and look after my lovely on my own. There is nothing like mother love after all. Back home a full time housekeeper is virtually unheard of. We have her to do some of the things that we cant do because we dont have family here.....like drop her off to Nana and Pa while i get my hair coloured or whatever. She is getting older so a little easier now. Thanks for your input.
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If you can manage, ie a helper is a luxury rather than necessity, just gove her notice and take your time looking for a replacement if needed.
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ness
20 yrs ago
If you know people with children in expat schools, why not get them to ask around about people who will be returning home this summer and then be brave and contact them about their helpers - many of them will have excellent helpers with long term experience with western families and experience with children. July/August is the most popular time for people to be moving because of the long summer hols.
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Thanks Ness. Didn't think of that. By the way, I really enjoy your posts. You should be put on the payroll! :)
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ShazP
20 yrs ago
Wendy...after reading your thread...I am trying really hard to understand why you keep her? Good God woman, you are her employer, not her maid!
You have all the time in the world to look for another one, so do it. The ' devil you dont know' can only be better than the one you are being bullied with at present.
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ShazP
20 yrs ago
Also...although it illegal, so many people get part time ones. If you prefer not having a stranger in your house full time, why not get a part time? They will be more than happy to do as many hours for you as you would like.
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Thank you Stanley et al. We have replaced her already. Sooner than I expected but a good one came up so we grabbed the opportunity.
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My soon to be ex helper and helper to be are full time Sabi...dont recall anything about me mentioning part time!
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Thank you Sabi. This DH thing has been giving me the *&%ts. I am so disappointed with the soon to be ex-DH and really over it. Sorry....a bit sensitive about it at the moment. A lot of trust was lost and once bitten, twice shy. Wendy
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Wendy,
When does your new helper start?
Amyv
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Hi Amyvalentine, the new one should start mid June, but it depends on Immigration. Not in a desperate hurry. So happy to be welcoming the new one soon. She appears very genuine. Wish me luck!
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