Posted by
RiceT
20 yrs ago
Just trying to get an idea as to how most of you have worked out your DH's Sunday off.
We have a new live-in DH who seems very nice. She asked to leave on Saturday night (9pm or so) to stay at her friend's and then spend Sunday there and at church...maybe, etc., with plans to return to us on Sunday night...by 10pm. Does this sound reasonable? For us at the moment, it works ok, but when baby arrives, it's less 'ok'. When we interviewed her and the others, we expressed the need for a helper that will be here with us for nights as well...particularly with a newborn...and talked about Sunday as the day off.
I'm hesitant after reading many threads of DH's taking advantage of liberties....like giving an inch, taking a mile, etc....and would like to know your experiences...good and bad...with the day off arrangements/timing, etc.. I'm more concerned with having a DH who's honest and not trying to milk us than I am about giving her the time to enjoy herself when we can. In other words, if we don't need her after she's worked all day, etc., I would be happy to let her go out with friends.... I just need to be able to trust her character, etc. My gut feeling has been that I can trust it; but this recent surprise and threads I've read here make me question.... I know it will be more revealing to see if she actually makes it back on sunday by the hour she said she would.
So, do any of you have arrangements where your DH at times leaves late on Saturday night for their Sunday day off?
She's only been with us for a week so I also felt like it was a bit soon for her to ask for this Saturday night away... But then again, I'm glad she asked.
She's done great work for us thus far, as short as the time may be. Works a lot.
Thanks for any experienced input/thoughts!
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ness
20 yrs ago
DH's are entitled to a full 24 hours straight off by law.... so up to you how you arrange it but if you are not out late on a Saturday night I can't see why it should be a problem assuming you will not be the one going to your baby in the nightime? In my time off I wouldn't want to be holed up in a small room and travelling to meet friends if they are a long way away by public transport is time consuming. Most people I know would not require their helper to clock back on again on a Sunday evening when she returned at 9 or 10 - as long as she is getting back to start duties refreshed on Monday morning that should be fine I would think. Saying no will not prevent her from doing whatever she wants to do while she is out of the house but may make her feel resentful towards you, how many employers outsidte of the DH arena put caveats and restrictions on what their employees do on their time away from work?
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Angel
20 yrs ago
i used to have an helper,she asked me if she can go outevery saturday night after all her work done,and i thought that why not beside we dont need her service after 9pm, after a few months she asked me again if she can come back in early monday morning, and i said no because i think that she's taking an advantage to us and she gave me a bad face.one night she came back from day off she smells smoke and she was drunk. I think that you have to set a limit with her.
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@@
20 yrs ago
We tend to go out most Saturday nights so our helper needs to be here to look after the kids. She is allowed to have a friend over to watch a movie (one good friend I know well sometimes stays over).
If we aren't going out then our helper is free to go but our plans come first - unless she had asked well in advance for a special occasion.
I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as she doesn't expect to take off every Saturday night and to always check first.
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RiceT
20 yrs ago
Great, thanks for all of the good advice.
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As someone else said, you need to give her 24 hours straight off every week. That's the law. Plenty of people don't, but that doesn't make it right. But, frankly, there are plenty of helpers wanting jobs who will be happy to accommodate your needs. Also, you can specify those 24 hours - it doesn not have to be when she wants.
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RiceT
20 yrs ago
I let my DH know on the spot that it was ok for this weekend, but that we will need her on many Saturdays, particularly when the baby comes. So while it is fine this weekend, it can't always be the case. But again, if I can depend on her to be reliable and mature, then when we have the flexibility to afford, I have no troubles with a saturday here and there; I actually enjoyed the time we had to ourselves too.
I've heard time and time again that DH's want to work for Xpats vs. Chinese for various reasons; I think sometimes some of them expect to be able to negotiate more with Xpats...I think that's what they hear around the amah circut. That's why I want to take extra caution upfront to disway that rumor, and the advice from people experienced on this site has shown that it's important from the start. This is a job and we need a professional, responsible person to fill it. We'll agree on the terms, and then respect each other. Not a field for negotiating and testing again and again.
To my amah's credit, she came home on Sunday...even early. Well rested, pleasant, happy, and working again like a powerhouse today.
We'll see!
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RiceT
20 yrs ago
Goldi....Expat forum has been overall very helpful for me and friends. I've seen all different replies and not all "in the same boat" types. Whether the advice is coming from other xpats or from locals, it doesn't matter as it all presents a perspective which can help.
In addition, Xpats may have different experiences with DH's for the very fact that they are Xpats, may have different ideas/ways, and may be subject to certain "tests" (for lack of a better word) due to stereotypes the DH's may hold of "Western" employers. So it's good to hear from other Xpats as well.
I've appreciated responses from some of the locals here and those from some of the Xpats; putting the views all together, we've got a better picture and can work accordingly with our DH to avoid miscommunications, "negotiation" attempts, and most misguided stereotypes/generalizations on both our parts.
To add, our DH has been great, and thus, we're happy to have her begin her day off late Saturday any weekend we can. Not because we feel bad about the "poor" girl, but because this diligent woman does a great job and finishes it (and then some) before going anywhere...she's legally entitled to the 24hours and she should enjoy it. If we had a whiner (or hell-raiser) and someone who was trying to pull the wool over our eyes and who wasn't doing a good job, she'd be out.
Don't think because we ask for advice, or may afford a DH a second chance or a bit of time to get used to a new situation (and a new home and new people) that we're push-overs; not the case. And from what I've learned here on the forums about how some DH's will exploit newbies straight off the boat or will push "westerners" to see how far they can get, I'm aware of it now and can watch for it; without having read up on the forums, I would have never known this perspective and would have very well been subject to believing a lot of the bull I had heard in DH interviews. I also wouldn't have asked questions that were as in-depth and to the point...some of which addressed some of the stereotypes we heard that many of the DH's may hold of us. We helped any considering us as an employer dismiss those stereotypes before accepting the job.
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Goldilox, very interesting perspective and I am almost willing to agree with you 100% about the differences between Chinese and expat families except that the median (or did you mean "mean"?) local wage understates the actual pay of the people who hire domestic helpers. I don't know by how much, but I am pretty certain that the Chinese families that hire amahs are doing better than your numbers suggest. Also, if you are right that the average expat outlay on a Domestic Helper is only 5% of their salaries, then this site must be an advertiser's dream.
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RiceT
20 yrs ago
Goldi - Was my first question along the lines of "What should I do if I find my DH having sex on my sofa?" No, that one would be pretty clear to me.
My question about Saturday night starts to a Sunday off was more of a survey to get some ideas about what employers...chinese, 'western', orange, red, blue, whatever...do.
Not sure why you picked this thread to point out how inefficient it is to ask in the forum. I found useful advice here. (BTW, since I don't know many locals, the forum is the place that I can get some local perspective as well.)
Additionally, you had mentioned in one of your posts above, which has been deleted now, that you have strong feelings about this topic....the post that says you feel bad for the locals that have to pay out a significantly higher portion of their income to hire a DH than do most expats, etc. And you attributed their (the locals) being stricter with their DH's to their having a different sense of the cost of the DH's services...i.e. a cost that is a bigger percentage of their salary, as if paying them more leads to employers being stricter with the DH.
Two things: No matter how much we pay a DH, we're still going to treat her the same...humanely. Two, no matter how much we pay a DH, we're going to expect her to be professional and to do her work well.
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RiceT
20 yrs ago
: ) Yeah, seen this thread. Haven't read it after the first few hours of it being posted. But I think this one has another driving force behind it...it seems that people are attracted to the "sexy" nature of the post...like a soap opera...and posters keep adding their twist to it. LOL.
But overall, I would think that most expat readers can seek and take advice from the forums in an intelligent manner and not just blindly go out and exercise what they read.
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RiceT
20 yrs ago
: ) PS Goldi - I'm just taking ownership (or responsibility for the voicing) of the original question...not the whole thread. ;)
Have a good holiday.
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of the expats i know....NONE are on anything NEAR 100K!
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Runnergal,
It all depends what you mean by expats. In the traditional sense of university-educated Western professionals with managerial experience, very very few earn less than HKD100,000/month here. If you're talking about freelance "teachers" or a bloke who scribbles the odd story for a local magazine or who takes a few wedding photos, that is a different thing altogether.
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ScreenName, how many years ago are you talking about? It seems to me that your time has stopped at our colonial time.
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jbebeb, are you talking about us (^-^)? My hubby works in construction and he was getting exactly what you mentined above 3 years ago.
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Goldi, you're on vacation but I'll comment on the median income now. It is my understanding that 40%-50% of the HK population (not sure if defined by households or people) lives in government housing (HK Housing Authority or HK Housing Society). Assuming that the residents in government housing do not have maids (otherwise it will be difficult to quality for the subsidized housing), then the median income of households with helpers is going to be significantly higher than HK$11,000 per month.
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yes...largely the days of great expat packages are gone
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