Posted by
chrissynyc
20 yrs ago
Please read my most recent post at the bottom of this thread, really need advice!!
Aside from TELLING me that she is going back to the Philipines for a 2 week vacation after only 6 weeks of working for us, my new helper also says we must pay 1/2 of her airfare. This is NOT an immigration department-required exit, she insists that we owe her the return trip ticket.
I'd been hoping that she genuinely doesn't understand the contract, but there have been several other incidents that are making me question her integrity:
1)we're moving out of a small serviced flat this month and offered to put her up until the move. She said she could stay with her sister in a boarding room with 3 other women. She's claiming the rent is $1,200 for the month--could this be right??
2)while I was in the bathroom, she accidentally broke an irreplaceable family heirloom. Rather than coming to me with it, she quietly put it in the trash. I still don't know if she would have ever told me, and I resent the fact that it would have been lost forever had I not been home.
3)Everytime she did our grocery shopping she kept the promo coupons for 'her sister'. I would have gladly given them to her had she asked, but it just seems pretty presumptuous...Any ideas, thoughts, advice?
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cd
20 yrs ago
You only have to give her one return airfare to the PP for each contract, usually one way to get to HK and one way to return home. She is entitled to 7 days per year paid leave to be taken when it suits you, often when you're on your holiday. It rises by 1 day per year after the 1st 2 years. The rent does sound about right although I don't really know. You are entitled to keep a maximum of I think $300 a month from her wages to pay for breakages. I've never heard of anyone doing this though as most things that get broken are small like glasses or photo frames. As regards the shopping just ask her for all receipts and coupons. It is a bit petty not to let her have them but then I agree that it is very presumptious that she just takes them.
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Thanks for your replies...The thing that bothers me the most is that by 'taking' so much, she's robbing us of the chance to be generous with her.
We would have flown her home in April for her sister's graduation had she talked to me about it...it's such a small amount of money for us, relatively speaking. We would have ENJOYED knowing we'd been able to give her that!
My gut just tells me I can't trust her...
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Hmm, sounds like she is a deliberate liar and trying it on all the time. DH's have a huge network and there is little about their entitlements that they do not know - they just hope YOU don't know. Asking for you to pay for fare back is just robbery in my view.
Time to give her a talking to and assess what criteria would push you to fire her.
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It seems her requests to you are quite out of line. You might want to sit her down and tell her she is not entitled to a vacation nor any part of her airticket. She is not even entitled to public holidays (aside from her Sundays) until she has worked for you for 3 months. Sounds like she's been working in Hong Kong for quite a while and picked up bad habits or advice from her friends. Your being generous to her is a plus for her but seeing she's only been working for you for 6 weeks, you don't want to start off on the wrong foot. Plus, you are providing room and board for her while you move. If she is turning you down to live somewhere else, that is her choice and she should pay for it herself, or you could just say no. She sounds very demanding and unreasonable. Although I know how difficult it is to find a good DH, I would probably terminate her just because I don't trust her. Good Luck!!
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I agree with Shadow! She is taking advantage of your kindness. You are a fair person, but she is not. End of story.
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RiceT
20 yrs ago
get rid of her. you don't need someone sapping your energy (and may be belongings, heirlooms, coupons, whatever!).
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Thanks for advice...I finally tracked down her previous employer, who is Chinese and speaks very little English. The previous employer told me that at the end of her contract in Feb., they gave "T" (DH) $1,553 for a return trip to the Philipines b/c "T" told them she was moving back home to help with a family business.
The reality is that "T" entered into a contract with us the very next day. As I stated above, there was no immigration-required trip back to Phil. before she started working for us.
My question is this: Is "T" a liar, or a shrewd business women? Did this family owe her the ticket REGARDLESS, or only if she was really returning to the Phillipines?
Is it possible that "T" really believed she was entitled to this money, or did she lie to them about moving back to the Phil. because she definitely knew that it was not otherwise owed to her?
Please let me know what the conventional wisdom is here...is it common practice to give this money at the end of a contract even if the DH is staying in HK, or did she absolutly know that she was swindling the money??
HELP!! I just want it to know if she is an outright liar or if she is just trying to get what she really believes she is entitled to!!
Thank you for any insight you can provide!!
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I don't think your helper did anything wrong in THIS case, anyway. As far as I know, the employer is indeed required to give the helper a one-way return ticket (or cash in that amount)at the end of the contract. (Plus they must pay the helper for any holidays not yet taken.)
I think it is quite common that helpers come up with a story for their employers as to why they are not renewing their contract because they don't have the nerve (understandably) to tell them they no longer want to work for them. During interviews, helpers told me that they had told their employers they were getting married, going home to their kids, etc.
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Chrissy...I'm with you on this whole helper issue. I really like my helper, but the other gal was right when she said if they have been here a while they do this "assumptive" close on us by "telling" us what their rights are.
I'm like you...I tend to reward people with my generosity on my own, but feel so taken advantage of when they do this "assumptive" thing on me as well. My helper "took" a week off at the beginning of the year and said that I had to pay her because it was her vacation pay...she had only been with us for 6 months! She's really good with my kids and I feel so trapped. I don't want her attitude with my children to change because I'm finding out about all these little things that are so "off".
This is a truly an uncomfortable position to be in.
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You said "you dont want her attitude with my children to change..." If she changes attitude, then she does not genuinely love your children.
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wz
20 yrs ago
It's just a manouver for all helpers to controll their employers by "taking their kids so well". Sometimes, the tragidy is just that the untrusting people treat our kids so well.
It's just hard to understand why most of the hk people have to depend on helpers so much, even the Xpat. We didn't live like that before in our counties, didn't we? I just feel the atmosphere here is kind of problems, isn't it?
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wz
20 yrs ago
Forgot: My helper is dishonest too. I was told that most of them just like that. If you dismissed this one, the next one may be even worse.
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ShazP
20 yrs ago
Hi Chrissynyc, I have had something similar to your situation & like you, I was new to this, so I just kept keeping the situation ' light' & accepting a lot of my helpers nonsense & believed that she ' did not know' either! Well, it wasnt too long after that, that I threw her out! Your helper is not going to change for the better, but will expect you to adapt to her ' style'. She is well aware of everything & what she is doing. She will keep pushing you. It will continue & most probably get worse.I reckon thieving will be invovled too. My advise would be...get rid of her as soon as you possibly can. There are many many more fish in the sea who are far better than your present maid. Next maid, as nice as you are, please be stern & let them know EXACTLY what they can do & expect when they come to you. I have a Sri Lankan helper for the past year, who is a blessing (especially after my arrogant Philipino). Remember...you are her employer..dont take crap!
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wz
20 yrs ago
I think spare rib hk is right. If my helper really can not be honest, I'll let her go.
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My helper started today and myself and my hubby sat her down and told her of all our expectations. We were told by several people that this is a good way of doing things. We were very direct and blunt that we maybe appeared rude but at least we all have an understanding. My hubby even typed it all out and handed it to her after we discussed all the relevant points. This is my first helper so I have my fingers crossed that it will work out. I just have to hold back on the generosity side of things as I am that way inclined. I have learned a great deal of the other e-pats on this site so if you get stuck, get back online.
Good luck Chrissynyc
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ShazP
20 yrs ago
Good start gabercro. All the best with the helper. In a few weeks/ months you will find things getting a bit lax with the helper. It may be OK to let some things go, however, if you are not happy or want to be straight, correct her there & then & remind her of the rules. They really do start trying to see how far they can push you, so as soft as you get with her, just stay firm on your rules & expectations.
I give my helper gifts & we share an excellent relationship. We do have problems sometimes ( who does not!)But she knows she is treated like family ( with limits) and she also knows we do not take advantage of her. She does her job well & is consistent & we are happy.
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Will let you know how it is going in a few weeks!!! Crossed fingers
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I may understand how big is your problem about your dis honnest maid,will why waste so much time to find out from others while you can also asked directly from labor department what is a right and wrong in your case.boarding house,braking things and coupon may not be included but the story of ticket and any other charges she asked they will going to help you,
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well....my helper was caught stealing twice. Please dont roll your eyes thinking why the hell i didnt sack her after the first time around. i was stupid.....now I am looking for a new one. They dont change
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hmmm Im still wondering,after this all bad rumors about domestic helpers why dont hire local maids now in HK there is the a kinda.
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