Best age for helper for family?

For those of you with experience hiring helpers for your family, how important do you think it is to hire someone over 30? I have found someone we really like as a helper, but I am worried because she is only 25, and we had bad luck with a young helper. The girl we are considering seems great with kids and mature, but I don't want end up being the "Mom" :to a teen-aged helper again! It makes sense that older Helpers would be more mature and responsible, but younger women are often more energetic and fun for children to be around. What do you all think? Should I keep looking until I find someone older?

I don't think that you can generalize by age and everyone has different opinions on this. I know when I was looking for my helper I would have some people telling me that there is no way they would ever hire someone young and other people telling me they would never want an older person who had been here for years. I think the up side of a young person is that they will have more energy, be more flexable and more able to adapt to what you want and more fun around your children etc. The flip side of course is that yes you could end up with another "child" to look after who could end up pregnant. The advantage of an older helper is that they may be more responsible, are old hands so know exactly what they are doing and probably won't get pregnant etc. The down side is that they may be set in their ways and very unflexable. I don't think that you should dismiss the idea of all young helpers just bacause you had a bad experience. Another thing I came to realise is that there is no such thing as a perfect helper, you have to decide what is most important to you. When we first came to Hong Kong we had a helper who was a great cook, excellent at house work etc but was terrible with my children. Because she made it so clear that she didn't really like the kids the kids didn't want to be with her which made life very difficult. I stuck it out with her for 6 months as she was so good at everything else but in the end the fact that I felt I couldn't rely on her with my children out weighed everything and I terminated her. I have now got a girl who is 34 and is just fantastic with my kids and house work but can't cook Western food!. But the fact that I have absolute trust in her with my kids and I know that I never have to give it a second thought when they are with her makes the fact she can't cook totally unimportant. The only age restrant I had when I was looking for someone is that I didn't want someone older than myself, other wise all the girls I interviewed I judged on their merits and how I felt about them rather than how old they where. In fact until I signed the contract I had no idea how old my helper was as it wasn't important to me. I think if you have found someone you really like and feel good about you should follow your instincts and not bother about their age. The other advise I got from other people when looking for my helper was only see girls who have worked for Western families, the girl I have has only ever worked for Chinese families and as I have said is just wonderful. I hope things work out for you, good luck

Thank you three. You are very wise! Your comments have helped me immensely because I have been in a real quandary about this. Now I must face up to talking to my current helper and letting her go, and I'm absolutely sick over it. She has done some seriously wrong things, but she is still a good kid in many ways. We are still fond of her, and I'm afraid she will be upset and terrified. She could be a good helper for someone who is willing to really lay down the rules and watch her closely and someone who doesn't mind if she isn't particularly warm with children.

I know exactly how you feel, when we terminated our last helper I just felt terrible, I was actually in tears I felt so bad about it. I felt bad as I know being terminated puts them in a tough position as they have to go back to the Philippines. She wasn't a bad person either but did a number of very serious errors with my children such as leaving them in the swimming pool alone to go back to the apartment! In the end I felt that as sorry as I felt for her, my children and their well being out weighed everything. It is only now that I have my new helper who is fantastic with the kids and they really relate to her that I realise I should never have kept my old helper as long as I did. My kids are happy to stay with my new helper without question but I had to practically bribe them to stay with the old one. If you are anything like me if your children aren't happy then there is no way you can be happy. If so terminate your old helper and find someone you can totally trust with your kids and that they are happy to be with, you will be amazed how much easier it makes your life

Hi Amyvalentine, I agree with three that there is no absolute formula in what age makes the best helpers. Some helpers are great and some aren't, and age is not usually the determining factor. However, I would be wary of employing someone over 40 (or anyone older than me as I would feel uncomfortable giving orders to her). I have noticed that the older they get, the more arrogant they get, and the less willing to do things you want them done as they always have very set ideas about what and how to do things.


It sounds like this girl you like is in HK. If it were me, I'd ask her to come over to your home for a 'trial' period that can last for 1 - 7 days. I know of agencies that provide potential helpers to be on trial for a week, to see if she's suitable for the job. Maybe you can have her work for a couple of days. That should be long enough to see how she interacts with your children, and if they will respond to her positively. It also gives you time to see how she does the work around the house, although you can bet your bottom dollar that things will not be so wonderful once she's got the job, but at least you know what she's capable of, ability-wise.


Anyway, good luck, and I'm really pleased you've found someone you think might work.

Hello three and blcw:

You have both been so supportive and helpful to me.

Three, your helper sounds so similar to mine! You could be me describing our helper! I too, have not wanted to leave the children with her, and our helper has also made bad decisions concerning safety, etc. And I know you are right, and I have to do what is right for my family. How wonderful that you finally found someone who is a good fit for your family!


blcw, once again you have provided some wise insight! I will try to see if we can have her come over a bit-after I let our helper go of course. The problem is, her current family still needs her as they prepare for their move. I know she is nervous too, though so I will at least try to spend time together. I really like her personality and presence, and I think the rest she can learn because she is bright and perceptive, moreso than our current helper.