Posted by
gimme5
19 yrs ago
Mrs Miggins,
For the benefit for you and your baby, don't bother with her that much at the time being. Buy take-away food or ask your hubby to take you out for dinner. At the same time, tell her that after 6 full weeks of training if she still doesn't have a clue she is not a suitable and capable candidate to work for an expat family - i.e. the contract will be terminated.
Give her one last chance. If no irmpovement she is out. You and your baby's well-being is of paramount importance. You can always get a P/T to help out the household chores while you focus on babysitting.
Good luck!!
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I have more maid dramas than the average employer should have but thats another story for another time. My two cents worth is this - cut your losses now because after 6 weeks there is no point in training her further. A friend of mine once said to me that you employ a helper or nanny to help you out. If they are giving you stress, then something is definitely not working out. Also judging by what you said, she does not exhibit common sense and this is NOT trainable. You cannot watch her 24/7 and you will be worried all the time. There is always a sense that you've invested so much time and you hope she will change but some things cannot be changed like common sense!
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ShazP
19 yrs ago
Mrs Miggins,
Sounds like you do have a big problem in your hands...the last thing you need especially now. You cannot afford to wait for your baby to be born & hope that your DH improves.
I had the same problem during the last weeks of my pregnancy...I sacked her when she was 2 months with us( so was my baby). I had reached my limit!
You need to start looking for a new maid ASAP. It is very frustrating at this stage to start again...but better late than never. Dont put up with this DH, sounds like she is really taking the piss.
Another thing, you will get some really stupid replies from some DH 'Knights in shinning amour' ( I can name a few, but I dont want to type extra!). Dont waste your time replying to them, they are a waste of space & you have so much to do. All the best & have a wonderful delivery :)
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Mrs Miggins,
I know you spent a lot of time thinking about and interviewing your prospective helper. I am in the same situation right now, and your thread is actually quite frightening since I know how much energy you put into hiring the right person. In hindsight, was there anything you missed or would have done differently in terms of interviewing or choosing?
Best of luck finding someone new, since it sounds like that is the right course of action.
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I also agree that Mrs. Miggins should find a new one. From what you wrote, you helper has no common sense and doesnt pay much attention to her surrounding. I would say most of your incidents were not because that she has no experience with western families but just rather her character. You cant change her. So good luck.
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@@
19 yrs ago
Hi Mrs Miggins,
My helper hadn't worked for an expat before us and when she started she was very nervous, she did make some pretty scary mistakes - but she did learn from them.
We have grown up "learning" basic things like kitchen safety/hygiene all of our lives, some of these girls just simply haven't, it can be hard for them to adapt.
Having said that it seems you have been pretty clear about what you want and how you want it done, it just doesn't sound like this girl is making the effort.
From what you have said, I just can't imagine this girl working out. I think you should get rid of her before the baby comes.
Having a new baby is fantastic and a time that you can never replaced, I think you would be happier without any help rather than having this going on in your life.
I've had two helpers in Hong Kong and believe me when you get a great one it makes life so much nicer and your home much happier.
All the very best with your baby, looking forward to hearing of your new arrival! Good Luck.
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@@
19 yrs ago
Johnny.I That is just so unnecessary, it is very difficult in this town to get decent (legal) part time help like many of us might in our home countries.
Also, for many of us our husbands and partners travel constantly and we do not have the resources of childcare or family to help out from time to time. It is not unreasonable for any fulltime carer of children to expect some time to themselves, weather it might be to go to the gym or spend some time with their partner.
I fully participate in the care of my children and home but have to say that having help also allows me to dedicate time to myself and my husband, this makes for a very successful and happy marriage, not to mention very happy children.
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Ed
19 yrs ago
Johnny is banned... that stuff is not acceptable on this site.
Please carry on...
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Mrs. Miggins, I sympathize with you as I have minor but endless issues with my DH. It's hard to having to tell her most basic common things over and over so I know what you're going through. One thing I learned from my maid is that she doesn't seem to able to read English well despite her claim that she can. So now,instead of giving her written instruction, I instruct her verbally and I make her take notes herself. Also, I suggest you spend all your time looking after your new baby when he arrives and let her do all the house chores. So she makes mistakes with cooking and cleaning, but it's better than her making any mistakes with your child. Best of luck. As far as replacing her, can't give you much advise as I only had one DH so far. Besides, what if the next one is not any better?
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But I also know a lot of them are fake. Take care.
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Mrs Miggins,
By leaving the tea stain in the cup and bits of orange at the other (again, according to what you wrote), I thought she'd consumed the one last chance you gave her? Washing dishes is not that difficult, is it?
I worship you for your patience.
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RiceT
19 yrs ago
Ugh. Miss Miggins, you did put a lot of time and energy into both your search and preparation for a dh, as is seen in the posts over the months. This woman just doesn't get it...you know, it's one thing if some more complicated instructions aren't understood, but butter in the freezer, ice cream in the fridge, going to the cleaners without the cleaning, etc., is just a sign of someone who is not thinking actively...distracted, etc. Food on the dishes, bad news, a sign of 'what else isn't clean' that is not as obvious to spot... Baby on the way, more than ever you need a sterile place, and this woman doesn't sound at all like she's up to the task. You need a cleaning machine who actively thinks...who's as serious about her job as you are about her doing it. You know all this of course, but I had to say it... We're expecting our baby anyday too and there's no way I'd have someone leaving food and crap in the wrong places. The hygiene aspect is the most disturbing in this case.
One thought, which doesn't matter half as much as the above is....my dh recently told me that, having worked with only non-expats before, she is so used to being told exactly what to do and exactly how to do it...down to something like 'put cheese on my bread, now, using only chopsticks' (sounds silly but this was a recent example)...like demands. She almost liked it because she didn't have to wonder what we wanted. My hubby and I tend to do some things for ourselves and let her pick up on the way we do it (which she does...she'll actively come and watch so that she'll learn....the important word being ACTIVELY...i.e. thinking, working, etc.). She can then do what we need the next time. Your curtain comment reminded me of that ('you didn't tell me to close the other'). But the main difference here is that the dh needs to actively do her job...and to want to. Yours doesn't sound like she takes hers seriously...either that or she has some deep issues going on that completely distract her from competent work.
I keep thinking of sterilized baby feeding! Be careful; I know you will.
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Life
19 yrs ago
Ohh Mrs Miggins, I am sorry but you do have a hopelessly (sp?) funny maid, although it is not funny at all.
Might I suggest instead of saying you will not drink out of a dirty cup, you say.. "If I find one more dish with food in it, you are fired. And if you do not believe me, try me".
It worked for me.
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tly
19 yrs ago
Gosh Mrs. Miggins, I have also been reading through your online journey of looking for a dh. I really feel bad for you. Is she Filipino? If she is, I'm really tempted to offer to talk to her for you since I speak tagalog and have dealt with dh's all my life... except here in HK though. Maybe you should just ask her why its so difficult for her to understand what you want from her. Does she need glasses maybe? I had a dh before that also sucked at doing the dishes until I realized she couldn't see the filth she was leaving behind. Whenever my mom used to have problems with our dh, she asked me to sit down with her and the dh and we all had a conversation while I translated between them. It helped to understand just what was going on in the dh's mind and also to inform her in her own language how serious my mom was about the crappy job she was doing and how she is about to loose her job. In the end the dh would decide to leave on her own or change dramaticly. Good luck and keep us updated.
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Life
19 yrs ago
TC, the threat worked like a charm. No more dirty dishes.
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ness
19 yrs ago
Mrs Miggins,
Havn't read all the replies, but if your helper is this ditzy - ice cream in the fridge and butter in the freezer then I would definitely never let her look after a newborn - surely she is not overloaded with tasks at the present (assuming just two adults to look after) and you handfeeding her. The whole point of having a helper is to make your life easier and smooth running - look again, cut your losses. You can certainly look after your newborn by yourself in the short term while you serach again if needs be. Just get some help from hubby and a good cleaning agency in.... in the first couple of months you will not be dashing out and about without baby anyway. You certainly couldn't enjoy going out for a short while without your baby while stressing about leaving him... I am not a highly tense person but even leaving your kids with the most trusted capable person (like my mum and sisters) is nerve wracking when you are a new mum. It is going to drive you nuts if you take baby out and except to come home to something done and you then have to redo it or make other arrangements at the last minute... better to just organise things yourself.
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Funny thing is that last week two of the three tea cups at the hotel restaurant I go to for dim sum had either a small tea leaf or a noticeable tea stain. I guess the management there could try using more threatening language to their dishwashers.
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tly
19 yrs ago
i lived there for 18 years
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mrs o
19 yrs ago
Mrs M, Sounds disturbingly familiar. Our ex-DH created so much stress and double work in our household. The unneccesary effort that is involved in chasing up, following up and telling off is draining. Replace her. There are so many good ones - yes, hard to come by, but hey, you DONT need the stress anytime, let alone now. Do you have other children? Do you desperately need her? I feel for you, really. Let us know how you are going.
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Ells
19 yrs ago
Mrs. M,
Your problems don't sound that 'small' in context of what you need with a new baby.
If this is your first child, you may not be prepared for how hard the first two weeks can be just with hormones, and often feeling overwhelmed. I'd definitely recommend you get rid of her now, and not wait until a week or two after baby comes. I suspect dealing with her will be far more than you can handle at that point.
Whatever happens, good luck and just try and concentrate on happy healthy baby right now.
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dshum
19 yrs ago
Hi Mrs. Miggins,
I'd like to wish you all the best to your new born baby and you?
I've hired 6 Filippino maids before my son reached 5 years old. I tried many types of Filippinos, old or young, married or single, experienced or not experienced.
My conclusion is hire someone that worked in Singapore for at least 4 years for the same employer is the best choice.
I heard that Singapore employers are pretty tough on their maids. Thus, they're more obedient and "educated". Moreover, if the maid got renewed at least once, it means she should be ok.
DO NOT hire anyone directly from the Philippines. They don't have any common sense. I hired two from the Philippines direct.
The first one was scary. When she started working for me, I told her to put 6ozs of cold water from a plastic container and 2oz of hot from the thermo to make milk. She always followed. One day, I asked her to make milk for me to feed my baby. When she past me the bottle, I felt that it's very hot. Then I found out that she put some hot water into the plastic container to let cool JUST before I asked her to make milk. When I asked her to make milk, she still followed my instruction...
The second one was recommended by a maid of my best friend. After a few weeks she worked for me, I noticed that the corridor in front of our flat was pretty dirty. I almost wanted to compalin about it to the management office. But one morning, my husband saw that she sweeped all the rubbish and dust out from our front door after sweeping the floor.
One night when I scooped the rice from the rice cooker, I saw that the rice was grey. Then, I digged to the bottom to see what happened and found the the nonstick at the bottom of the rice cooker was all gone. My maid told me that she used the coarse side of the sponge to wash it...
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@@
19 yrs ago
Oh Mrs Miggins, congratulations! What did you have, a boy or a girl? Hope it all went well and you're enjoying your new baby.
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@@
19 yrs ago
Sure is hard work but great fun too - especially once you start getting some sleep!
Great news, glad it all went well. Cheers.
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Congratulations!!!
And I hope all goes well with your helper.
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Congratulations
just a tip but if you need any expat help with baby but who could also make sure your helper is doing things correctley then call a nanny agency here in HK. I think there are two or three. Rentamum is one.Also ask your helper to do a first aid course as well esp with a new born baby very important as some time they use there own methods for first aid. Apparently spring onions stop bloody noses!Matilda does a great course Domestic helpers.
best of luck
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Mrs.Miggin, i can recommend someone,if you're interested let me know so i can send to you her CV.
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