How to say bye to an excellent helper ?

We have an excellent helper. She is a fantastic cook, good housekeeper and has a nice disposition. We employed her 6 months ago before I had a baby. At the time we were thinking I would be the sole carer for the baby and didn't mind the fact that she didn't have any experience with western babies. Six months on however we have changed our mind and are keen to get someone who is good with our baby. She is ok with him but more in a grandmotherly way and not an experienced baby-carer way if you get my meaning.


Our dilemma is this : I want to make sure she finds a great, well paid new job and I worry about having to terminate her contract. I don't think she deserves it. She has never had a contract terminated in the past, is still in contact with some of her previous employers etc. What should I do ?

At a minimum, give her 2 months notice so she can start looking for a job while still on your payroll.

What about if I actively help find her another position that she is very happy with ? Top quality helpers who have a strong employer recommendation behind them are usually snapped up in days.

I don't think child care is an easy skill to teach. As a parent, you're either confident leaving your child with someone or you're not.

The helper is also older and not as agile as one would need to be when the baby is a bit older and crawling and running all over the place.

Aurelia,

Do what you think is best for you and your baby; that is the priority. You pay the wages so get the help you feel you need.


I don't agree with some of the previous comments (not saying they are wrong, just saying I don't agree). Most parents can live with less than absolutely perfect cleaning/cooking/laundry, but childcare is something we have to be completely satisfied with. Courses and training will make an adequate helper a good helper, but unless they have the intangibles that cannot be taught, they will never be great with childcare.


Don't forget there are hundreds if not thousands of great helpers with a vast amount of knowledge and experience with infants, and you will learn more from them than you can imagine. We were still learning things from our helpers with the birth of our second/third children (twins).


Do what you think is right with your present helper. A glowing recommendation, sufficient notice, word the termination in such a way that it is considered a valid termination by HK IM (don't know much about this) may ease the transition for your helper.


Then again, it may be a gamble changing a helper. You've got a known helper that you are happy with and does many things very well. You could end up having a hard time finding the "right" person to care for your baby. Make sure this is what you want to do as you could end up regretting the change.


Edwina:

The comment "experience with western babies" may have been directed at the cultural and socio-economic differences between most expats and filipina helpers, and how this impacts childcare. As an example: I need to know that my helper will seek medical attention immediately for my child rather than worry about the cost and saving me money (in a situation where seeking medical attention is a judgement call such as fever). Bear in mind that a medical visit in HK could easily be the equivalent of anywhere from 3-12 months pay for a helper in rural Philippines. So "experience with a western baby" may help the helper and employer understand what is expected.


My two cents worth.

i agree with tmk. thanks for that post. childcare is not a skill you can teach and as a mother you need to trust the person looking after your children 100%.


microsoft word is an easy skill to learn. childcare isn't. you can't compare the two.


and yes there are thousands of mothers who give birth every year and don't know that much about childcare until that point, but they are mothers, and dealing with your own child is completely different to dealing with someone elses.


incidentally, i contacted the matilda to ask about a childcare course and they only do an infant cpr course.


i have also given the baby to the helper to see whether it was me just being a bit oversensitive and every single time there has been an incident that has made me think she is not capable of looking after my baby. eg. she would rock him so hard he would throw up everywhere. she would tell me she didn't want to give him back, that she wanted to take him to the philippines, that she used to stop her children breastfeeding by holding their noses so they couldn't breathe to stop them eating.