Helper fell asleep

My son arrived home from school today at 4pm to find my helper asleep on the sofa whilst she was supposed to be looking after my 4 year old. She was only looking after her for a couple of hours whilst I was out at an appointment with my younger child and I arrived back home by 4.30. She said she had felt dizzy and told my daughter she wanted to close her eyes. I told her I wasn't happy about her sleeping whilst she was looking after my child, that if she felt unwell ever when looking after them (which is very seldom) that she should call me and I would come home immediately. She said I could say what I wanted to her, she was not sleeping and that she was aware that my son had arrived home, but had kept her eyes closed. I am very sure she had been asleep on a previous occasion when she had looked after my younger child one afternoon. When I arrived home at that time she looked like she had just woken up and my son was still asleep (at 4pm) having been asleep when I went out at 12.30! She hadn't left him alone, but had been sitting (probably sleeping) by the looks of it on the sofa next to him - so I don't think this is the first time. I am not bothered if she sleeps in the daytime when we are not around, but I am not happy her doing it if she is looking after my children. I find this unacceptable behaviour - am I being too hard?

Apart from very, very rare babysitting during an evening, which would happen less than once every 3 or 4 months, my helper is finished by 7pm at the very latest every evening, usually earlier and I have never asked her to do anything after that time and she is not expected to be on standby just in case. On the rare babysitting occasions, I always tell her to sleep in the following morning, which she does. She starts, by her choice at 7am, but I have actually told her I do not need her to do anything for me that early in the morning, that I would be happy for her to start her work after we have all finished breakfast (which I prepare and clear up after). She has at least a 1 hour break around 7.30 and more than an hour, sometimes longer around 12.30. If we are all home during the afternoon, she will have an extended break when she has finished cleaning until around 5pm when she gets tea ready. If me and the children are out during the afternoon, she has this time to herself. She is free from Saturday lunchtime, if not before, and all day Sunday. I don't think we are not giving her enough time for breaks/rest. As long as the house is clean and work is done, I am very happy to be more relaxed about letting her have time to herself. However, what I am not relaxed about is anything other than the way I want things done regarding my children. I expect her to do things my way, not hers when it comes to them. I am very clear and precise about it and was when she first started working with us. NOTHING is more important than they are - they ALWAYS come first. They are my priority. Therefore, I very very seldom leave them at home with the helper, I take them everywhere with me. I very very seldom go out in the evening, for the same reason - they are only young once and I want to make the most of it while I can. If I were not living in Hong Kong with the luxury of a helper I would have to do this anyway, so no big deal. However, there are obviously occasions where it isn't possible to be in two places at the same time, so occasionally I do have to have my helper care for one of them. I just feel that it is not too much to expect her to be able to do this and know she is going to be alert and awake whilst doing so. If she is sleeping, what is to stop my 4 year old from doing anything that my harm herself. I am now concerned that this may happen again, despite our conversation that I do not want her sleeping whilst she is caring for my children.

If she finished work at pm - what does she do in the evenings? Watch TV till late, talk on the phone till late? Read a book until late? You may need to be more clear on what time you feel is reasonable for her to go to sleep if she is falling asleep on the job- but of course you can't force her to bed early! It is her call.

During the first month our EX dh fell asleep looking after our daughter. Our toddler was/is a bad sleeper and I was having a rare lie in (it was only til about 8 mind you). Our dh had her head on the bean bag in the little one's playroom and was asleep (I too got the bs about the "eyes closed"). Our little one was a bub who put EVERYTHING in her mouth so supervision was so important. I havent been able to sleep and "switch off" despite having a new helper. I get up at 6 each day and cannot rest if my child is up. Sounds a bit dramatic, I know, but it jolted me so much that someone was asleep who had been INTRUSTED with the care of my beautiful daughter had slept on the job. Gives me the shivers thinking about it. Oh, and, if you or I were dizzy, you have enough in you to acknowledge a person coming into the room - if just to make eye contact and show "I'm sick". Sounds like a lot of hog wash to me - your helper is here to do just that - help you - NOT cause you extra concern. All the best.

It's the c*cky attitude that would upset me as much as anything! I always like my helpers with a bit of bounce about them - someone that actually enjoys playing with children and can help tire them out a bit before bedtime. This woman sounds like she has little interest in your children. If she heard your older child come in surely she should at least say 'hello', maybe offer him a drink or something? Sounds like she is putting your child to bed the second you go out as it's more convenient for her! When I leave my kids (which like you is rare), I always think up creative activities such as painting, cutting and sticking, baking etc; that way the kids enjoy themselves and are being stimulated and you have the added peace of mind of their creative 'evidence'! I'd take a firm line with her - do "say what you want to say to her". She is in a position of responsibility looking after your children, if she is too tired for the job, there are plenty of people who aren't.